how we came to be
by Arami Heartilly
Summary: three years after the game truths are reveiled and futures are planned. Squinoa, Selvine, seiftis and zelllibrary girl. COMPLETE!
1. opening up the past

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with final fantasy 8, it's the property of squaresoft. However all original characters and storylines are mine. thanx  
  
How we came to be. By Arami Heartilly  
  
Edea Kramer and her husband Cid had spent the past few years rebuilding their lives and their former orphanage. The first had been more of an acceptance of what had transpired when sorceress Ultimicia had possessed and used her body to try and destroy the world. And although the nightmares still haunted her sleep Cid was there at her side to love and comfort her so that she could make it through.  
  
The orphanage on the other hand had required almost a total restoration, which would have been a daunting task if it hadn't been for the overwhelming help from all three Gardens and the white SeeD's. Without their help it would probably in the state it had fallen into rather than the near to completion that it was now.  
  
Its use however was still undetermined and was the subject of Edea's latest musing as she sat on the beach in the early morning sun. She was taking in the beauty of the world in the early morning light, a world she almost helped to destroy. It was times like this that she realised what they had around them and as her long black hair blew behind her in the wind Edea thanked who ever was listening that she was still here to enjoy it.  
  
"Matron, Matron!" called a familiar voice from the steps that lead to the orphanage behind her. Turning around in the soft sand she made out the familiar figure Zell Dincht walking down the steps towards her he was carrying something in his arms, a box or chest of some sort but she couldn't quite make out what.  
  
"Good morning Zell, I didn't realise that anyone else was awake yet." She told him kindly as he approached her.  
  
The colour in his cheeks reddened slightly, "No one else is but I asked Cid yesterday if I could start early so I could go back to Balamb Garden for this afternoon." Edea nodded and decided to change the conversation to the matter at hand because she knew that although Zell could be a little too emotional at times he kept his private life and those he loved close to his heart.  
  
"What have you got there?" she asked and he smiled, he was happy to get back on the subject.  
  
"It's a chest as far as I can make out." He told her putting it on the sand and kneeling next to it. "We found it a few months ago when we were clearing out the rubble in the basement, the only trouble is that no one knows what's inside or how to get it open, so it just got left in one of the rooms that hasn't been cleared out until now." Zell explained pointing to the space where a lock should have been.  
  
Edea studied it for a few seconds and muttered something under her breath, Zell looked at her strangely so she explained. "It's sealed with magic, I just need to remember which magic will open it and which could blow it up."  
  
"Oh." He remarked, "Which means that none of us could have opened it then, well apart from Rinoa that is, especially now that GF use is limited." Edea smiled at him and flicked her fingers at the chest.  
  
"Fira." She commanded and within seconds the chest before them was engulfed in flames, which dissipated almost as quickly as it had began leaving the lid snapped back and the content on view.  
  
In Truth Zell had expected something of vital importance, like a weapon or something from Edea's early days as a sorceress but the content was neither of those and it made him question why it needed magical protection.  
  
"Files?" he questioned his former Matron, who simply nodded in return.  
  
"Yes, but as far as I can remember these are the records of all the children who were ever under the care of the orphanage." She explained reaching into the chest. "I didn't know what had happened to it and in time to be honest I completely forgot that t existed."  
  
"What sort of records?" he questioned.  
  
"Birth records, who your birth parents were, records of what happened to them, where you were born, when and if you were adopted and where you were sent." She explained. Then she looked at him. "I know that you're happy with your family, but if you want I can show you your file."  
  
Zell looked at her as he considered her offer, he loved his mother and to him she was the only one he had ever had but a small part of him wanted to know who had brought him into this world and what had happened to her.  
  
"It won't change the way I feel about my mom or the rest of my family but I'd like to see where I came from and what happened to them." He told her and she smiled warmly at him before handing him a slim blue file.  
  
He took it from her and after a few moment's hesitation he opened it to the first page, there was a photo of a small baby boy with a head of blonde hair, which he realised must have been him, was clipped to the right corner. It took a few moments for him to take the information in as he scanned the page and what he read made his heart go out to the woman who'd once been his mother.  
  
'Name: Zell  
  
D.O.B: March 17  
  
Age on arrival: 1 year old.  
  
Parent(s): mother: Maria Lesca. (Deceased).  
Father: Unknown (Deceased)  
  
Place of birth: Balamb hillside.  
  
Personal information: his mother's will dictated that he was to be taken to a place he would always be safe and that he be brought up in a family that would love him as their own.  
  
She died in a battle with a monster trying to destroy her home one-year after her own husband had died much in the same way. She was twenty six when she passed away and her only son was brought into the care of the orphanage by her friend who wishes to remain anonymous.'  
  
When he looked up again he was surprised to find tears in his eyes, tears for parents he had never known, people who had sacrificed themselves so that he could live.  
  
Edea, who up until then had been occupying herself with sorting through the rest of the files to give Zell some sort of privacy, turned her attention to him.  
  
"The woman that brought you said that your mother had done everything she could to protect you but that it wasn't enough, she had died leaving her last wish of your protection with her." Her voice was gentle and Zell could remember the same tone being used when he was a little boy asking about why Seifer kept laughing about the fact that his mother had left him there all alone.  
  
"Um, would she... were they um..." he stuttered, unable to get the words out, he felt a need to pay his respects but was unsure where he could go.  
  
"They lye in the mountain cemetery that over looks the beach in Balamb." Edea told him quietly, "It's mentioned in the later pages of your file, Cid and I thought it would be important if any of you ever came back here wanting to know who your birth parents were." There was a sombre tone in her voice and a motherly caring in her eyes, she would always see them as her children and because of that never wanted to see them hurting like a part of Zell was at that moment.  
  
Zell nodded slowly and closed his eyes, he wondered if Laurie would mind going with him, then corrected himself because he knew she would and he loved her for it.  
  
"Would it be ok if I borrow this?" he asked "It's just that I want to read it properly and sort a few things out."  
  
"You can keep it, there's another copy in here anyway." Edea said as she found the second copy.  
  
"Thanks." He told her, standing up and brushing the sand from his deep blue trousers. "I'd better get back to It." He was starting to feel a little awkward and he couldn't quite understand why.  
  
"Alright Zell, but when you go back to Balamb will you tell Squall and the others what you've found and let them know that the information's here if they want it?"  
  
Zell nodded "Do you want me to take the chest back?" he asked as he half reached down to pick it up again.  
  
Edea shook her head, "Leave it with me, I'd like to go through it and make sure that everything is here that should be and if there's any loose ends." He once again nodded and headed towards the steps, file in hand and a personal mission working its self out in his head.  
  
Next chapter should be up as well. If u liked it please review, constructive feedback also welcome. 


	2. squallrinoa

Disclaimer, I own nothing to do with final fantasy 8, it's the property of Squaresoft. However all original characters and storylines are mine. thanx  
  
Squall Leonhart felt the familiar sense of peace greet him as he stepped back into his bedroom and saw the sleeping beauty lying on her side facing him. Her black hair fell around her features with her natural highlights catching the sun that came through the window and the softly billowing curtains; her arms were wrapped around herself and the sheets. Half of him wanted to wake her gently and just take in her presence and natural warmth, but the other half let her sleep on whilst he dressed and a least made an effort with his damp hair.  
  
The only sounds that filled the room were her soft breathing and the birds singing in the mountains outside, they were sounds he cherished every day that started like this one, infact he took in every moment he had with her, sleeping or other wise.  
  
Once he was dressed and his hair was as dry as it was going to get he walked back to the bed and knelt down next to where she lay sleeping, he still didn't want to disturb whatever peaceful dreams she was having but he knew that they both had work to do that day. But as if sensing his thoughts she stirred and opened her eyes slowly.  
  
"Squall." She said quietly as her eyes came in to focus and she was greeted by his warm smile, she matched it with one of her own as he leaned into kiss her.  
  
"Rinoa." He whispered just as he did, she responded by putting her arms around his neck and pulling him gently to her. This is what I want to wake up to every morning she thought to herself as his arms slipped around her waist so he could hold her closely.  
  
Eventually they broke apart, although by now he was full onto the bed and resting with his head propped up on his arm looking at her with his other arm still resting around her waist.  
  
"Good morning." He said running his fingers up and down her side; she smiled at him warmly and moved closer to him.  
  
"Um it is isn't It." she replied softly as she brushed her right hand through his deep silky hair before leaving it to rest there. "How long have you been up?" she asked.  
  
"A while." He told her honestly, he wondered if she'd be upset he hadn't woken her but she didn't look it, instead she seemed curious and he wondered if her sleepy mind had woken up enough for her to remember what was going on today.  
  
"Why didn't you wake me?" she asked him with the same curiosity he'd seen in her face.  
  
"Because we had a late night last night and I wanted a shower without any distractions." Her eyes sparkled at his comment and she smiled slowly and a little shyly.  
  
"I didn't think you minded." She replied as she remembered all the times he'd been more than happy for her to join him in the shower.  
  
"I don't, normally, but I promised Quistis I'd take a look at the paper work for the latest SeeD's before we leave for Edea's house in the Ragnarok to swap the restoration teams. Although we're going to have to go a little earlier than planned because of Zell." Rinoa chuckled.  
  
"It's their anniversary Squall." She reminded him and he nodded before adding.  
  
"And you've got something's to go over too." She nodded slowly at him before rolling onto her back and onto her other side away from Squall. The something's that she had to go over were the results of the tests conducted on her powers that because she was a sorceress had needed to be assessed.  
  
It had taken three years for her powers to settle and that morning she was to find out from Dr. Odine, who was visiting Balamb Garden to research the effects of GF's among other things, whether her powers were white or black. And it scared her.  
  
Squall, who only a few years ago didn't really know how to react in this sort of situation or show any sort of affection what so ever, shifted over to her and put his arm around her so that he could pull her close to him, she didn't resist but he could feel her tense up.  
  
"It'll be ok Rinoa." He whispered softly into her ear but all she did was shake her head and take tight hold of the arm he had around her.  
  
"We don't know that for sure." She replied, her earlier mood dwindling in the wake of her fear. Rinoa wondered how she'd managed to get any sleep the night before, then memory reminded her that Squall had done a pretty good job of distracting her until she was so tired she'd fallen asleep without even realising what was happening.  
  
"I know that." He told her firmly and placed a kiss in her hair and wondering how she managed to smell so good first thing in the morning.  
  
"How?" she asked him, her voice barely above a whisper.  
  
"Because I love you and though out everything – Ultimica doing what she did to you, time compression and managing to put up with me for three years, you're still you. That kind hearted –if a little forward young woman who's shown me all the good things I'd been missing out on. Like this for example." She squeezed her eyes shut tightly and clasped her free hand around the two rings that permanently lay on the chain around her neck.  
  
The two people that she loved the most had given them to her; the smaller ring had once been her mothers and had been given to Rinoa on her seventh birthday, shortly before her mom had died. For that reason she'd decided to wear it always so that in some way the connection that she missed would stay with her. The second and larger ring was Griever, it was Squalls ring by all accounts and although Zell still offered to make her a copy Squall insisted that she keep it, he liked seeing it on her and she knew it was because of the reason she would never take it off.  
  
"I love you too." She whispered and she felt Squall nuzzle his head against hers. "It's just that I'm scared of the power ...and that I'll end up hurting someone with it." She admitted.  
  
Smiling now that he knew how to cheer her up, he rolled her over so that she was on her back and he could see her face clearly.  
  
"Then don't. You control your power – not the other way around, it's just a matter of whether you use your power to defeat the enemy or heal and protect your friends." He told her simply and Rinoa studied his face. His eyes were so warm and reassuring that slowly she started to smile too, before she lost the mood again Squall bent down and placed his lips on hers, wrapping his arms around her and lifted both her and the bed sheets covering her until she sat up next to him. When he eventually pulled back Rinoa still looked a little nervous but she was a great deal more relaxed and her smile was beaming.  
  
"Go get dressed." He told her, "I'll wait her so we can head down to breakfast before your meeting with Dr. Odine and Quistis tries to explain the importance of a commander doing paper work instead of actually commanding." his sarcasm was covering both his dislike for the rather strange Dr. Odine and his concerns about Rinoa. He wasn't worried about that he would say to her but of how she would deal with it.  
  
He could see the deep need in her to care for people and to make sure that everyone she cared about was safe and near her, he knew that she would fight to save them no matter what happened to herself in the process – she'd even agreed to have her powers sealed and her along with them if it meant they could all be safe.  
  
Squall had seen her do it so many times that he understood the fear in her heart, what if her powers origin was dark and corrupted her? What she didn't know however was that Squall would always, always be by her side – even if it meant being her knight.  
  
"Ok, I won't be long." She told him holding him close for a few seconds before sliding off the bed and heading for the ensuite bathroom.  
  
* "I think he shows great promise, he graduated at rank eight and has already... decided to leave and run a flower shop in Balamb town." And still he doesn't pay attention! Quistis thought as she dropped the files to her desk and pushed her hands through her long blonde hair, she'd left it down because she knew that if she didn't it would probably get that way after a morning with Balambs Commander Squall Leonhart. In his current state he was completely useless and he wasn't even pretending to pay any attention. "And on another matter" she added to see if he could hear her at all, "I'm sleeping with Seifer."  
  
That caught his attention and he turned wide-eyed to Quistis, who in turn rolled her eyes at him. "What?" he asked completely shocked. "I knew you were helping him with some issues but-"  
  
"Give me some credit Squall! I was just seeing if you were paying any attention. That's all." The surprise in his eyes faded and he shook his head, which only had the effect of messing up his silky brown hair and did little to keep him focussed.  
  
"I'm sorry, it's just..." Quistis didn't need him to finish to know who he was referring to.  
  
"Rinoa." She said simply and he nodded. "She's going to be fine Squall, Dr. Odine is already certain that her powers are white." She told him, knowing that although Squall had changed dramatically over the past few years from the seemingly cold and stubborn young man he was then to the caring, warm but still incredibly stubborn man he had become that it was all due to Rinoa. She was also aware that if anything happened to her Squall would revert back inside himself to a place no one would be able to reach him again.  
  
"Look, we've almost finished this so just give me at least half of your attention for another fifteen minutes then you can go to her." Squall nodded in agreement and at least made an effort.  
  
"So this newest SeeD, what do you think he should do again?" he asked, he was after all supposed to be the Commander and seeing as Quistis did most of the paper work Squall decided not to push his luck and actually pay attention to her. Besides if he didn't she'd probably mention Seifer and her again and that was a mental image he really didn't need – although the image of Quistis and Seifer wasn't hardly as hard to take as the image of Rinoa and Seifer, despite her protests that it had never gone anywhere near that far.  
  
* Her heart was beating so fast and her stomach was turning it's self over and over, she hadn't been this nervous since Squall had taken her back to his room after the celebrations held in the Garden when Ultimicia had been defeated and time compression averted.  
  
"Az you can zee, dis iz good newz! Your powerz are infazt white, and zey are alzo verzy strong!" a rather exited Dr. Odine explained and he was so exited it seemed that he was jumping up and down as he showed her the results of the tests performed on her to determine the true source of her power,  
  
"So I'm a white sorceress!" saying it out loud made it feel a little more real.  
  
"Abzolutly Mizz Heartilly, you arz a good sorcerezz! Dis doezn't mean dat you cannot uze dark magic, just that the root of zem iz white."  
  
Her smile beamed and she clutched the rings she wore tightly in her left hand as relief ran through her and left her calm and relaxed in it's wake, she hadn't realised how worried she'd been.  
  
"Arz you alright mizz Heartilly?" Dr. Odine asked, he was looking up at her with a very confused expression on his face.  
  
"I'm fine." She told him "Is it ok if I go now? It's just that I need to tell Squall... commander Leonhart what you've just told me." She asked, wondering if he'd be done with the paper work by now, or more likely if Quistis had given up on him completely.  
  
"Abzolutly! I should bee gozing now anzy way, just az soon az I see your Dr. Kadawaki about somzing to doo wiz zee GF's." he told her, still jumping up and down but only this time he was heading for DR. Kadawaki's office and Rinoa decided to leave him be before he came bouncing right back over to her with proposals of more experiments that she didn't want anything to do with.  
  
At first she walked along the fountain lined hallway but everything seemed to be moving too slowly so she picked up the pace a little. It wasn't long before she was running towards the lobby at full speed with her long blue cardigan and her hair flying behind her, she wanted to see him, to let him know that everything was ok. She knew he'd been worried about her, more than she was about herself and now all she wanted to do was spend some time with him before they left in the Ragnarok for Edea's house.  
  
After she'd jumped most of the steps to the elevator she stood tapping her foot lightly on the floor as she waited for it to arrive. Laurie, who worked in the library and had been going out with Zell for three years, approached and waved to get her attention.  
  
"Hey Rinoa, have you seen Quistis?" she asked and leaned against the wall next to the elevator doors.  
  
Rinoa nodded, "She's in a meeting with Squall in his office, I'm heading up there now actually – as soon as the elevator gets here." She asked her, still tapping her foot on the ground as her patience went out of the window.  
  
"Oh! I don't want to interrupt anything, it's just that there are something's in the library that she asked for and..." but Laurie didn't finish, Rinoa had come to notice that the girl could actually be quite shy sometimes, although when she was with Zell it was hardly evident.  
  
"It's ok. "she reassured her "I'm sure Quistis will be happy to see someone who'll pay attention to her and I'm not really sure that Squall's going to stay there once I talk to him anyway."  
  
"Thanks." Laurie said gratefully.  
  
"No problem." Rinoa added just as the elevator doors opened and a few SeeD's, who she recognised as the card club walked out. She and Laurie entered and she pressed the button for the third floor.  
  
As the doors closed quietly Laurie spoke equally as quietly, "Um can I ask you for a favour?" she had her attention fixed entirely in front of her. "Sure." Rinoa told her, already guessing that it had something to do with today being her and Zells anniversary.  
  
"Um... can I, would it be ok if... is there any space on the Ragnarok for me to come with you?" she finally managed to ask although she still wouldn't look at her.  
  
"Laurie, Squall already thinks that you are. He put you on the list of crew yesterday – but we're leaving a little earlier than we first planned so just be in the main entrance for twelve o'clock." She turned to look at Rinoa in surprise.  
  
"Really?" she asked and her friend nodded.  
  
"Do you really think we'd leave you here to wait for us to come back? Zell would probably kill us if we did." Rinoa explained as the doors opened and they stepped out onto the top floor of Garden, unless you counted the control that is.  
  
The floor had originally been headmaster Cid's office, but his had been relocated to the second floor when the control platform had erected it's self where his desk had once stood. Since then several changes had been made, another elevator had been erected for anybody trying to reach the control deck and what had once been one office was now split into two.  
  
The first, which lead onto the second elevator and the other office, was for Quistis and Xu, who acted as second in command of SeeD and looked after any new recruits and the general running of Balamb Garden on a day-to-day basis. The second and larger office belonged to Squall, as he was the commander of all SeeD's in residence at Balamb Garden. It was also one of Rinoa's favourite places to get a good view of the outside world from the comfort of Garden and usually Squalls arms as well when they were travelling the world.  
  
Walking over to the door that lead onto his office Rinoa cast a glance to Laurie to tell her not to worry, Quistis wouldn't mind and neither would Squall – he'd be happy for an excuse to leave. She gave the door a few sharp taps with her knuckles and waited, which was all she'd seemed to do all morning, for somebody to answer.  
  
She could hear somebody moving around on the other side and before long the door in front of her slid open to reveal a very nervous looking Squall, Rinoa looked up into his eyes smiling gently and nodded as she told him everything in a simple look. She only just saw the relief on his face before stepping into his open arms and feeling him pull her into a tight hug, she in turn wrapped her arms around him and nuzzled her head into the fur of his collar.  
  
"I take it it's good news then?" Quistis asked from the office behind Squall, who released Rinoa shortly afterwards.  
  
"Yes." She beamed and walked over to Quistis, she put her files down and hugged the sorceress.  
  
"Does this mean that you've come to take our lovely commander out of my hands as well?" she asked hopefully and Rinoa nodded.  
  
"Yep." She replied with a glint in her eyes that Quistis knew better than to ask about. "Oh Laurie's waiting for you in your office, I told her you'd be more than happy for company that actually pays attention to you." She added, looking out into the other office to check that her librarian friend hadn't left already.  
  
"Ok, thanks. I'll see you later then." It wasn't exactly a question but she wouldn't have been surprised if they took a couple of days off somewhere that they could be alone.  
  
"Probably." Squall answered her walking over to Rinoa and took hold of her hand. "If you need to contact us we're back on the normal frequency again." He said as they headed towards the elevator, Rinoa looked behind her and waved to Quistis and Laurie before stepping inside just before the doors closed and Squall looped his arms around her from behind.  
  
"So what do you want to do now?" he asked, resting his head on hers, she shrugged.  
  
"Tell everyone who needs to know that I'm officially a good sorceress." Came her reply, followed by a happy sigh. "And put up the classroom changes for the next couple of days – just in case." She added thinking about her schedule, shortly after they'd gotten back from the defeat of Ultimicia, Rinoa had been offered SeeD status due to her fulfilling all the requirements more than once over.  
  
It was a position that she hadn't been very comfortable with at first – the idea of taking orders didn't really sit well with her, but Xu had explained to her that she wouldn't have to do field work unless she wanted to and that she could play to her strengths. Those had turned out to be teaching classes on magical theory and the history of the sorceress wars as she could present a balanced view on the different sorceresses throughout the ages and learn more about them herself as a result. It also gave her the opportunity to do something useful with her private school diploma.  
  
"You can do that from any terminal can't you?" he asked her as the doors opened and they stepped out to the sound of the fountains and the sight of SeeD's and candidates moving about the main hallway.  
  
"Technically yeah but if we use the one you're suggesting I doubt I'll get anything done." she told him, now walking at his side with her hand in his.  
  
"Ok fine, we can stop off at the library first."  
  
"First?" she teased.  
  
"We've got three hours Rinoa and something to celebrate." He informed her following her mood.  
  
"And how exactly are we going to do that?" she asked him with the same heated look in her eyes that he'd relished the night before.  
  
"The sooner you get the notice finished the sooner you find out." The fact that he'd managed to keep a straight face as he spoke was testament only to the fact that his training had given him an incredible amount of self- control, the same self-control that was over riding his thoughts of just picking her up and carrying her all the way to their dorm.  
  
"Kay." She replied and dragged him, running the rest of the way to the library.  
  
Chapter three will be up soon. If u liked it review!!!!!!!!! 


	3. a little more of the truth

Disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy 8, it's the property of squaresoft. No money has or will exchange hands. However all original characters and storylines are mine thanx.  
  
Thanx to all those who reviewed my first two chapters, here's the third, sorry it took so long, I just didn't know where to stop. Next one up soon. Enjoy!  
  
****  
  
The Ragnarok eventually set of at 12.15 and surprisingly it wasn't Squall and Rinoa that were late. Apparently the earlier time hadn't been relayed to all the students due to head out and it took a message over the P.A system to get everybody together.  
  
Squall had taken the helm, which all agreed was an improvement on Selphies steering abilities, with Rinoa keeping an eye on any problems and Laurie sorting out the majority of the cadets. "We'll be there in the next few minutes, everybody prepare to depart. Commander Leonhart out." Squall announced as the beach and building came into view.  
  
"It looks so different." Rinoa said, half to herself and half to him.  
  
"I know, it's more like I remember it." His voice was quiet but she heard him and put her hand on his shoulder, she knew he had so memories from this place and more so since GF use had been almost discontinued and that amongst the happiness there had been incredible sadness. It was the first place he'd ever felt truly alone and the start of an internal torment she knew still plagued him sometimes and dreams that woke him in the middle of the night.  
  
* "It is good to see you again Squall, Rinoa. How is everything in Balamb?" Edea asked as everybody else went about sorting their belongings and job areas. The three of them were sat in the courtyard that over looked the beach.  
  
"Fine, nothing really major has happened in a while." Squall told her taking a sip of his drink before putting the glass back down on the table and casting a glance in Rinoa's direction.  
  
"I got the results from Dr. Odine this morning." She said to the older woman, taking Squall's lead.  
  
"And?" the matron asked, not really sure what to expect.  
  
"I'm good, my powers are centred in white magic so Dr. Odine said there should be nothing to worry about any more." The young woman's smile was beaming, as what that of the young man next to her and Edea smiled too.  
  
"Well that is good to know dear, but I don't think it would have been much of a problem if you had black originated powers. I after all now have them and as long as your heart stays true it doesn't matter." After she had spoken a slightly uncomfortable silence fell over the three of them and it became evident that there was something Edea was hiding from them, however neither Squall nor Rinoa wanted to bring it up.  
  
It eventually fell to Zell, although it wasn't intentional on his part as he came out onto the courtyard to check when they would be leaving.  
  
"YO Squall, we heading back yet?" he asked impatiently bouncing on the balls of his feet with the blue file he'd been given earlier.  
  
"Fifteen minutes Zell, give everybody time to get ready." Squall told him sounding slightly annoyed although in truth he was glad for an interruption into the silence. Then he noticed the file and the way the blonde man was holding onto it. "What's in the file?" he asked and immediately saw his expression change.  
  
"My umm...my family history." He answered; his tone was as solemn as his face. His two friends looked at him and then at each other.  
  
"Where did you get it?" Rinoa asked carefully, she knew something of the pain he must be feeling as she could remember finding out the full truth of how her mother died.  
  
"Edea and me managed to open the chest this morning... it had all the records of our families and our time here." He looked so uncomfortable and a little sad, it was a complete contrast to how he Usually was and Squall was beginning to wish that he'd never brought it up. For Zells sake and for himself and the rest of the orphanage group.  
  
"I was going to bring it up, I just didn't know what to say or if you wanted to know how you got here, or what happened to you parents." Their former matron told them very quietly, her eyes focused where her hands rested on the table.  
  
"Do you really know?" Squall asked and she nodded.  
  
"Yes. I have information on both of your parents Squall and files for each of your friends that stayed here." When she looked up at him it was with a mixture of sadness and regret and he half wondered why, it wasn't as if he'd ever really known his parents. Even though some where in the back of his mind something told him that he was more acquainted than he was aware – a memory suppressed by the GF and not yet released? Or just something he didn't want to consider.  
  
"I'll um leave you guys to it." Zell announced, before the conversation became too uncomfortable.  
  
"I think I'll join you." Rinoa piped up and went to stand, but Squall grabbed her hand.  
  
"You don't have to leave." He told her and she planted a kiss on his check.  
  
"I know but I think you need to see this for yourself first, I'll come back and get you in a little while." She reassured him before squeezing his hand and walking towards Zell.  
  
If anything Squall was more uncomfortable and nervous on his own with only Edea for company and he couldn't explain why, he already knew he was an orphan – what did a file full of names he wouldn't recognise do to help that?  
  
"If you don't want to see it I'll understand, your situation is a little complicated to say the least." But her comment only fuelled the curious part of his mind and he knew full well he couldn't leave without knowing what the 'situation' was.  
  
"How is it complicated?" he asked and for a few seconds she didn't answer him – just sat there deliberating something within her mind. After what seemed like a lot longer than it actually was she stood and walked over to the corner of the courtyard where she picked up five faded blue files and something, which appeared to be a large green envelope before returning to the table.  
  
"Here." She said quietly and handed him the top file, it was larger than the rest of them in the pile and he figured that was due to whatever problem made him so unique.  
  
His answer came when he opened the file and made himself look at the information on the front page, he still wasn't sure about this – it wasn't as if he'd had chance to consider what he was going to read as he'd only known about the files existence for five minutes, but it was probably better that way – there was no deliberating and agonising.  
  
Name: Squall Leonhart.( he is to have his mothers maiden name)  
  
D.O.B: August 23  
  
AGE on arrival: 2 months old.  
  
Parents: mother: Raine Loire. (Deceased)  
  
Father: Laguna Loire. (Missing)  
  
Place of birth: Whinhill, Galbadia.  
  
Personal information: he arrived with his 'sister' Ellone who had been adopted by his mother and father. His mother, Raine died two weeks after childbirth and her only wishes were that Squall stay safe and for her husband to know of his existence. These wishes have been elaborated in a letter that she dictated to a close friend and was given to us on Squalls arrival. Since then we have tried to locate Mr. Loire but have so far been unsuccessful, there are rumours that he is in Estar but due to the situation at the moment it has been decided to wait until the end of the war before a further attempt at contact can be made.  
  
After he'd read the page four times it began to sink in, it also seemed to make sense in an odd sort of way – those moomba's in the district prison had recognised him as Laguna and they could only do that it there was a blood connection. Then there were all the things in Winhill when he had gone there for real – he could have sworn he'd seen Raine – his 'mother' in the pub she had owned.  
  
But his mind was filled with a thousand other things, why hadn't Laguna ever returned? How could he have left her there while he became the president? Did he know that she was pregnant? Had he ever made an attempt to find out? Had it been the people of Winhill that had kept his existence a secret? Why hadn't he been told earlier? Three years had passed since the defeat of Ultimiacia so why hadn't he been told in that time? And more importantly what the hell was he supposed to do now ? "Squall?" Edea asked concerned at his silence, she knew that this was going to be hard for him to come to terms with and there was still the letter yet to come. Half for him and half for his father.  
  
"HE is my dad?" he asked her just to make sure, as if there could have been some mistake.  
  
"Yes he is. I'm just sorry we couldn't tell you sooner, we just didn't remember because of all that happened." There was a genuine concern in her voice but he could barely register what was going on or what he had actually been told and if Laguna didn't know did that mean it would be him that had to tell him?  
  
"Um... I, we need to leave now." he stuttered, realising that he needed some time to think this over – some time away form this place.  
  
"Are you... " She started but trailed off when she realise how stupid her question would sound. "I just need some time to think this over." Came the reply, although he sounded like he was a million miles away.  
  
"Where are you headed?" she asked carefully, not wanting to push the subject.  
  
"Balamb. But I'm guessing that you want me to visit Estar as well." It sounded colder than he meant it but he was just too confused to pay much attention to what was happening.  
  
Edea shook her head in defeat. "That is up to you, I could easily send the information via the network. But I do think it would be better coming from you." She paused before passing the other files over to him as well. "Could you? If you don't mind take these back with you? They're Selphie, Irvine, Quistis and Seifers files and I don't want them feeling left out." He looked at them and then at her.  
  
"What's with the envelope?" he asked although he already knew the answer.  
  
"It's a copy of the letter for Laguna." That confirmed it. "The original is in your file and I haven't read it before you ask. It's for you two only."  
  
"Thanks." He replied before picking up the files and heading back into the orphanage.  
  
"I'm sorry." Edea said as he walked away.  
  
"I know, and this isn't your fault. I just have to do this my way." He answered, knowing it was awkward but he needed to get out of there and she let him leave with out another comment.  
  
* Rinoa had only been there for ten minutes before Squall came out of the main building and headed in her direction. She could see the files he was carrying and although she wondered what they contained, her more immediate concern was the expression on his face.  
  
"Squall?" she asked when he was only a little way in front of her. He didn't give her an answer – at least not a verbal one. Instead he put the files on the bench she was leaning against and pulled her into his arms. He was holding her so tight that she could hardly breath and there was urgency in his embrace that worried her, but she preferred that he hold her than push her away.  
  
"I'm never going to leave you, not ever." He told her determinedly. "No matter what." She didn't know what to say – quite taken aback by his behaviour, she guessed that it had something to do with his parents and a mistake that he didn't want to repeat. So she didn't say anything in response, just held on to him as tightly as she could and stayed there until he released his firm hold.  
  
"What's going on?" she asked after a moment of silence. It was a better question than asking if he was ok as the answer to that was plainly obvious.  
  
"Um, I... ah, I have a father." He managed to say and he reached for the pile of files, making sure that he had all of them before turning back to Rinoa.  
  
"Oh." She paused, "Do you know who?" she asked him tentatively and he nodded.  
  
"Yeah and infact it turns out we all know him pretty well." This was met by a confused look from her as she mentally ran through a list of all the men they knew that would be old enough to be his dad. Laguna came top of this list and given everything Squall had told her about the 'dreams' Ellone had given him it made perfect sense.  
  
"No." she whispered and he took her hand leading her to the Ragnarok.  
  
"Oh yeah." He replied, with more than a touch of venom in his voice as they walked.  
  
"Does he know?" she knew that she was pushing her luck but Rinoa wanted to get as much out of his talkative mood while she could. She knew only too well how much brooding could go on in that head of his.  
  
It took him a while to answer her but as they approached the ramp he finally said something. "No." he sighed. "At least Edea doesn't seem to think he does." He sounded a little sad when he spoke and she gave his hand a little squeeze.  
  
"Is that why you have all the files?" she asked when the hatch doors closed behind them, they were the last on board as Zell and Laurie had taken the initiative and brought everybody on board.  
  
"Sort of." Then when she looked at him he elaborated, "One of them is mine, the envelope has a letter for Laguna to read and the rest are for everyone else that was at the orphanage." She nodded satisfied at his explanation and not a little surprised that he called his 'father' Laguna'.  
  
"You guys ready yet?" Came Zells voice over the intercom.  
  
"Give that guy an inch..." Squall muttered as the two headed to the bridge.  
  
* Quistis was sat at her desk in her classroom staring at the two blue files on her desk. Squall had dropped off both her and Seifer's an hour ago and then left quickly without really saying anything apart from what was in the files. She'd tried to ask Zell for some sort of explanation as to what was going on with Squall but he'd just shrugged and said it was something personal that he had to sort out, and then he and Laurie had left to enjoy the rest of their wedding anniversary.  
  
So in short she was left with no clue what to expect and a Garden to look after until the commander returned – she didn't even know when that would be.  
  
"You hoping it'll disappear or something?" a voice asked from the door of the room. He was early. "Cause I wasn't aware the almightily Quistis Trepe could do that, maybe I should take a look at the treppie website under 'special abilities'." He remarked as he made his way to her desk. She glared at him as he sat down.  
  
"Shows how much you know." She retorted and she watched as he sat down across from her with a smirk on his face and his blue eyes looking right back at her. "This is for you." She told him pushing the top file towards him, hoping he would stop staring at her and wondering what his motives were.  
  
"What is it now? Some report that says I need another year's probation? I thought that was over now." He asked, taking it from her and flipping through the pages, he wasn't really taking any of it in at all but it was something to do.  
  
Quistis shook her head and took off her glasses pulling her own file towards her, "It's you records from your time at the orphanage. Squall said it's got the details of who your parents were and what happened to them." She explained as she considered opening her own.  
  
Seifer across from her suddenly stopped what he was doing and put it down on the table, the noise made her turn her head to look at him again, was he afraid of a file?  
  
"What?" she asked and he shrugged dismissively. "Seifer come on, what?" but he just sat back in his chair and lifted his legs to rest his feet on the edge of her desk – needless to say she was not impressed. "You mean to tell me that you don't want to know where you came from?" all he did was shrug again and she sighed. "Oh come on! Don't give me that crap, you don't hide your feelings – you act on them remember. Or have I actually managed to get through to you over this past year?" she asked and finally he made some sort of comment.  
  
"I already know." He told her simply.  
  
She blinked a few times before registering what he'd just said. "How?" she'd been told that these were the only records that Edea knew of and that Zell had just gotten lucky finding them.  
  
"I didn't go to the orphanage until I was four so I knew my parents, they died from some sort of radiation poisoning and after they'd died my moms friends brought me to the orphanage." Quistis was silent after he'd spoken and for some reason she couldn't take her eyes off him. He'd just described something so painful as if it didn't matter and she honestly didn't know how he did it.  
  
"Don't feel sorry for me, I don't." he remarked smiling in an attempt to cheer his former instructor and current life coach up.  
  
"Well, if you're not going to read yours at least take it with you." She told him pulling her eyes away from his and wondering if she would be so calm after she read hers. But she doubted it.  
  
"What no big speeches and no yelling at me to take life more seriously?" he teased, he was only really there because of the weekly sessions the two of them had together around that time.  
  
"Do you want me to?" she asked, still concerned over his reaction or there lack of.  
  
"Nah, I'll go kill a couple of grats instead – call it anger management, same time next week?" he asked standing and heading towards the door.  
  
"Yeah." She told him and he nodded before grabbing the file and leaving the room and a very nervous Quistis staring at a file that contained a history she really didn't want to know.  
  
If u liked it please review cause it cheers me up and makes me write faster, constructive feedback also welcome!!! 


	4. trabia

Disclaimer: I do not own final fantasy 8, it remains the property of squarsoft. However all original characters and storylines are mine thatnx.  
  
I'm sorry this took me so long to update – I've just had sooo much to do lately but thanx for the review and please keep them coming!  
  
****  
  
"So where to now?" Rinoa asked from where she was sat in the 'passenger' seat aboard the Ragnarok, everybody else had gone back to Garden leaving it to Squall and herself.  
  
"Trabia." He said quietly and sounding like he was somewhere else, mentally she reasoned he was so she just nodded and settled into her seat.  
  
The rest of the files and the envelope were on the top of the right control panel and every now and again his eyes would dart to them, which seeing as he'd left the Ragnarok on auto pilot wasn't much of a danger but it worried Rinoa. His introspective habits had returned since they'd gotten back to Balamb and she wished he'd open up to her again, she wanted to help him with his problems like he had with hers earlier that morning.  
  
Squalls mind was elsewhere – he couldn't help it. His happier mood from earlier had all but disappeared, only to be replaced by anger and frustration. He still couldn't understand Laguna's actions, he sent Ellone back but wouldn't return himself, and he couldn't leave the thought alone – he could have visited at least- for a day or two. Or was he scared if he returned home he wouldn't be able to leave again to finish what he'd started. Squall needed answers but the only person who could give him them was the last person he wanted to see and that was why he'd decided on going to Trabia first. He could gain perspective there and rest, for a short time at least before he had to face his past and a father he wasn't sure would want to know who he really was.  
  
* The rest of the trip had passed in silence, until Rinoa had gotten so board she'd accessed the online music system and selected a few tracks. Then she'd sat back and watched him as they travelled, still worried but no daring to say anything – maybe he did need time on his own.  
  
But eventually they'd arrived in the freezing climate of Trabia just as the sun was setting sending fiery red flares across the horizon before the darkness set in. there was no welcome party because no one was expecting them, although some one must have seen them land so it was only a matter of time before someone arrived.  
  
The place was a complete contrast to how it had been left after the missile strike three years ago and the Garden had been restored to it's former glory and even had several modifications added. It was larger for a start with a fully working intercom established and a new training centre; its mobile controls had also been released in case of emergencies and a ballroom had been built so that students who had trained there could actually graduate there.  
  
Squall, who still wasn't particularly talkative, held under his left arm his own as well as his friends files plus the envelope and for no reason that he'd voiced he held Rinoa's hand tightly in his right.  
  
She hadn't objected, infact she felt more comfortable that way, he was still communicating with her, letting her know he wasn't going to push her away, or maybe that he was scared to let her go? But she didn't dwell on it as Selphie and Irvine approached before she had chance to.  
  
"Rinny! Squall!" Selphie squealed and she threw her arms around her best friend, who in return hugged her back when Squall released his hand at the impact.  
  
"I take it that you're happy to see us?" Rinoa asked when Selphie stood back to see her friends; she seemed so happy to see them and was even bouncing on the balls of her feet in excitement. Irvine at her side tipped his hat to Rinoa and shook Squalls hand in greeting.  
  
"What brings y'all to these parts?" the sharpshooter asked and he gestured for them to follow him.  
  
"I've got something from the orphanage for you both." Squall answered lifting his left arm slightly to show them what he meant.  
  
"Is that it?" Selphie asked, a little unhappy that they hadn't just turned up to see them, but she reasoned that it wasn't exactly the sort of thing that he could just 'do' – he was the commander of Balamb Garden after all.  
  
"It depends what you mean by 'it'" he told her as they neared the snow covered entrance.  
  
"What's that supposed ta mean?" Irvine questioned, he wondered what could be so important – it could have been a mission but he doubted it, something about his friend's behaviour told him it was far more personal.  
  
"They basically contain information on your parents and what happened to them." Squall almost snapped causing Rinoa to send a concerned glance his way. He shrugged it off but stepped closer to her when they'd made it into the main corridor of the building, it was significantly warmer than the outdoors and the temperature change made them shudder at the effect.  
  
"Can we see?" Selphie asked, she was still quite cheery and appeared as child like and as fun loving as she always had. Irvine seemed interested too – well he was smiling at least but Rinoa realised that probably had more to do with his reaction to his girlfriend's excitement than anything else.  
  
"Um yeah, but is there anywhere a little more private?" Squall asked, he didn't want to make a scene in front of all the students that were passing by - some of whom had already noticed just who he and Rinoa were and were whispering excitedly.  
  
"This way." The brunette replied as she led the three of them down a quieter corridor until they came to the instructors lounge.  
  
Selphie sat herself down on a large sofa and Irvine sat next to her with the heel of his right foot rested on his left knee and one arm across the back of the sofa where Selphie was, Rinoa sat across from her friend on the second sofa and Squall sat next to her- although he was more perched on the end that actually sat, it was just another action that told Rinoa there was something seriously wrong.  
  
"Come on Squall!" the brunette teased once more as she pointed to the files he carried.  
  
"You better give them to her, when she gets like this you kinda have to do as she asks." Irvine warned with a twinkle in his eyes that made Selphie blush and Rinoa's eyes widen.  
  
"I'll tell you later." Her friend told her cheekily, and then looked back at Squall.  
  
"Here." Came the one word response as Squall put the correct files on the small coffee table in between where they all sat before slumping back where he sat and reverting inside himself once more.  
  
He tried to concentrate on anything than the current position he was placed in, he'd tried focussing on the intricate patterns on the borders, but even the basketball game going on outside on the courts couldn't hold his attention for very long. He hated the fact that it had to be him to tell his 'father' that he had a son and that it was him, but more than that – he still couldn't get over the fact that he'd abandoned his mother. He'd always known Laguna was something of a moron – or so he'd called him but he'd also seen the accomplishments he'd made and it worried Squall that the price Laguna had paid for doing all of that was loosing his wife and in some ways his son too.  
  
"Hey, you ok in there?" Rinoa asked, her voice although quiet managed to bring him from his thoughts and fears.  
  
"What?" he asked as he turned his head only to be met by her deep brown eyes looking right into his and it scared him for a moment because he knew she could read his thoughts exactly.  
  
"You wanna go for a walk or something cause I think they want sometime alone." She asked casting her eyes over to where their two friends were sat in complete silence reading what effectively was their past.  
  
"... Yeah." He whispered, still sounding like he was a million miles away.  
  
* They'd ended up in a small alcove that over looked the snow covered Garden in it's full glory, the wind had stilled completely and the cloudless sky revealed the stars true beauty.  
  
"You gonna read it?" she asked, she was sat next to him on the cold stone bench and held his hand but she'd given up on him starting the conversation – he seemed unable to talk about it.  
  
"Read what?" he asked with an angry edge to his voice that would have made most people back off – but not her, she knew him better than to let it go.  
  
"The letter in the back of your own file that you keep looking at – I'm guessing it's the same as Laguna's and I'm also guessing that it'll eat you up inside until you read it."  
  
"I don't know if I should." He confessed, "it feels wrong reading it – like I'm prying on somebody else's past." although if he really admitted it he'd done enough of that already, with the dreams he'd practically lived his 'fathers' past.  
  
"But it's yours too." Rinoa reassured him, squeezing his hand gently and he silently thanked her.  
  
"Not all of it – Half of this belongs to Laguna and I'd rather not read his bit by mistake." He sighed, "Am I making any sense?" he asked her with a pained look in his eyes that bordered on sadness.  
  
She studied him carefully for a minute or so before she spoke to him softly, "you won't know unless you open it, and you both do have a copy of the same letter right?"  
  
"Right." But he didn't see where that was going.  
  
"Well then, if it needed to be split up it would have been, from what I know about Raine – which is everything you've told me, she would have had two letters written if she really wanted too and the fact that she only wrote one means she wanted it that way."  
  
Squall was watching her reason it out with an odd sort of expression on his face and when she'd finished he bent down and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. "I am so glad you're here." He whispered before sitting up again.  
  
Rinoa smiled, blushing slightly and leaned her head on his shoulder. "So are you going read it?" she asked catching him looking at her through the corner of his eye.  
  
"In a while, I promise." And satisfied at his answer Rinoa snuggled against him in the cold night air and looked up onto the stars.  
  
* "So." Irvine asked, looking over the top of his file so that he could see Selphie  
  
"So?" she responded as she sat herself up on the sofa, her earlier mood had all but disappeared and she remained in a solemn state as she stared at him.  
  
"You wanna talk 'bout it?" and Selphie shrugged.  
  
"I don't know, I mean I do but this whole thing... I think I already knew." She answered and then sank into the back of the sofa in an attempt to hide away from the world.  
  
Irvine, who'd become quite astute at sensing Selphies moods shifted over on the couch and slid his arm around her back so that he could pull her closer to him.  
  
"What is it selph?" he asked gently, it unnerved him to see her in this sort of mood.  
  
The brunette looked up at Irvine and into his grey-brown eyes as her own brimmed with tears – she could only vaguely remember the last time she had cried but was certain it had to do with being taken to the orphanage. Irvine had been there then, she realised and he'd told her that everything would be ok and that if anything ever hurt her he'd go and 'beat it up' for her. She just wondered how he was at fighting her inner demons.  
  
"I can't s...say it." She managed as she choked back tears. "Here, you read it." And she handed him the file before snuggling closer to him and closing her eyes from the world and her past.  
  
He took it, although if he was truthful he was unsure if he wanted to read it – not if the content was anything like as blunt and as shocking as his was. But his own pain would have to wait until later, Selphie was far more important to him now than his past ever would be.  
  
Name: Selphie Tilmitt.  
  
D.0.B: July 16th  
  
Age on arrival: three years old.  
  
Parents: Mother: Celes Tilmitt (Deceased)  
Father: Liam Heartilly (Deceased)  
  
Place of birth: Timber, Galbadian continent.  
  
Personal information: Parents were killed in the fighting two years ago and since then she has been residing with her great aunt who recently passed away. She has come under the care of the orphanage despite her father's sister a Mrs Julia Caraway's initial offer to adopt the girl and take her in as a sister to her own daughter. The offer was revoked after it became clear that Mrs Caraways husband did not feel they would be able to take care of the girl and I feel I must add, for both the Childs and her Aunts sake that Mrs Caraway wanted very much to care for the girl and has asked to be regularly informed of her progress, which we will do. She has also donated some money so that Selphie and the rest of the children that we have in our care can live as comfortably as possible.  
  
"Oh hyne!" Irvine remarked as he put the file down on the table with his own, Selphie at his side sat up a little straighter and looked at him. "Rinoa's your cousin?" he asked watching her intently.  
  
"Yeah..... And s-she would have been my sister if..." but she couldn't finish her sentence.  
  
"I'm so sorry Selphie – but I always said that Caraway was an asshole." He told her as his eyes flashed with an anger they rarely held anymore. "I'm gonna kick his sorry ass all the way out of-"  
  
"Irvine." Her voice stopped him completely and he turned to see that she was smiling, there were still tears waiting to fall in her eyes but she was smiling at him warmly.  
  
"I got carried away huh?" she nodded reaching up to kiss him gently as a way of thanks.  
  
"Just a little, but thank you for saying that."  
  
"I meant it." With the way he looked at her she knew he wasn't kidding.  
  
"Irvy, you can't just go all the way over there and 'kick his ass' – "  
  
"Why the hell not? He hurt Rinoa and now I find out that he's hurt you too. Selphie than man stopped you from having the life you deserved!" that comment made her heart ache and finally Selphie cried, Irvine had his arms around her again in seconds and held her so close he could feel her racing heart.  
  
She was torn between the truth of his words and the fact that had she really gone to live with Rinoa she might never have met her friends, might not have met Irvine – ok so maybe they would have met if she'd joined Rinoa's resistance faction but it wasn't the same, she couldn't imagine her life any different than it had turned out because she'd always thought it had been up to fate.  
  
But now, being shown that one man stopped her potential happiness and destroyed the hope of any real family made her angry and so upset she knew that she had to let it all out –she was so tempted to take Irvine up on his offer but she knew that Rinoa needed to have a say in it.... Her cousin Rinoa should have a say in it. And that was a realisation that gave Selphie some comfort at least, she had a living relative who also turned out to be her best friend.  
  
* "Rin?" Squall asked sounding more unsure than he'd really intended to, "I can't do this now."  
  
She sat up at this and turned to that she could see his face as clearly as the moonlight allowed.  
  
"Alright, but why?" she asked carefully, she could sense his fragile mood and didn't feel much like an argument.  
  
He didn't answer her straight away but knowing that she deserved the truth he spoke eventually "I need sometime to think about it – I want to be in the right frame of mind when I read this. I only found out this afternoon and so much has happened today already...." Squall stopped at the sight of her smile "What?"  
  
A soft chuckle escaped her lips as she replied "as long as it's not eating away at you I don't mind and I'm flattered that you'll explain yourself to me."  
  
"Was that sarcasm?" he joked quietly, watching her reaction.  
  
"A bit, but it's good to hear you talk to me about what goes on in that head of yours." And she snuggled closer as she spoke, it was getting a little too cold for her liking and she was tired but whilst she was with Squall keeping warm wasn't really an issue.  
  
"I have been talking to you – for three years about what goes on in my 'head'." Squall told her somewhat bemused at her reaction.  
  
"Yeah, but every time this is the first big bombshell that we've had in three years Squall and I...um ... well I worry." Rinoa's voice became quiet and shy so she decided to move closer into his embrace so that he couldn't see her embarrassment.  
  
He didn't quite understand what was bothering her – wasn't he supposed to be the one scared of loosing her? But he reasoned that she might be just as insecure and also figured that he had to do something about it – had to do something that solidified their commitment to each other and he knew his heart wouldn't settle until he did.  
  
Please review! But be nice, constructive criticism is also welcome. Next chapter will be up soon. thanx 


	5. Quistis's secret

Disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy 8, it's the property of square soft. No money has or will exchange hands. However all original characters and storylines are mine Thanx.  
  
Thanx again to everyone who's been reviewing my work, here's the next chapter so enjoy!  
  
***  
  
The cold climate outside the comfort of Trabia Garden had meant that Rinoa and Squall had headed back inside to see their friends again.  
  
Squall hadn't said very much on the way there but Rinoa had just been content to have him near her, it seemed to her that it was all she would ever need and that if she could be close to him forever she wouldn't ask for anything else.  
  
Her mind kept wandering to what had been a somewhat unbelievable day – something that started with her discovering she was a good sorceress and ended with most of her friends lives being thrown into some sort of turmoil - Zell hadn't seemed too upset, but she reasoned that he had a family that loved him and a wife by his side.  
  
And yeah, Squall had a sort of family anyway, in the form of her and their friends but she'd always sensed that he longed for something else – he even seemed to morn for a life he'd never really known. She didn't know what had happened with Quistis or Seifer because they'd left almost immediately after getting to Balamb and now she'd find out what Selphie and Irvines files contained.  
  
It didn't even bother her that she didn't have a file - she knew pretty much everything about where she'd come from and where she'd rather not go back to, she'd tried to mend things with her father but he didn't want to know. Part of her was hurt by his behaviour, he was her father after all, but after her mother died he'd sent Rinoa as far away from himself as possible because he couldn't face a constant reminder of her mother. At least Squall didn't have a father like that to deal with, she knew that Laguna could be something of a moron from time to time but his heart was in the right place at least.  
  
A sharp knock on the door brought her back to the real world and she realised that her and Squall were stood outside the room they'd left Irvine and Selphie in.  
  
"Come on in." a male voice told them so they did, both looking a little anxious although Squall would never admit it when they saw their friends faces.  
  
Selphie looked very much like she'd been crying and as soon as Rinoa walked through the door the brunette ran to her pulling her into a tight hug. It must have been pretty bad, though Rinoa and she hugged her friend back, Selphie never cried. Well that wasn't completely true – she had when she left for Trabia the first time because she didn't know if she'd ever see Irvine again but only Rinoa knew about that.  
  
"I think we should leave the girls to it – let'm talk about things they can't tell us." Irvine suggested motioning back towards the door. "I'll sort out a room for you and the lady." He added and squall nodded, he hadn't exactly planned on hem staying but in light of recent events he decided to let it be.  
  
He turned back to Rinoa before he left, she was now sat on the opposite sofa to Selphie and looking at her friend with a small frown of concern on her face. She looked up at him and smiled.  
  
"I'll come and find you in a bit." She told him and he nodded before walking quickly over planting a kiss on her cheek. "I won't be too long." She reassured him squeezing his hand gently and then watched him walk out of the room.  
  
* "Rinoa, um... did your mom have any...did she have any brothers or sisters?" Selphie asked between nervous hiccups.  
  
Her friend thought for a minute, sending her eyes upwards as if the answers were there. "Yeah, I think she did. She used to mention my Uncle but he died when I was only very little so I never knew him and I can't remember his name because I was seven when she told me. Why ask?" Selphie had started to fiddle with the hem of her fleece jacket and had her eyes firmly focussed on the table in front of her. "His name was Liam." She said softly.  
  
"What?" Rinoa asked and then, because she was worried about her friend she moved to sit next to her. Selphie didn't even acknowledge her movement or her question and she didn't look up.  
  
"Liam Heartilly, he lived in Timber with his partner Celes Tilmitt and their daughter Selphie but they were killed when she –I - was only a baby." Her voice was still soft but sadness seemed to flow through her calmly spoken words and her friend didn't know what she was supposed to say.  
  
"She lived with her grandmother until she was three but her grandmother died, then Julia Caraway offered to adopt Selphie but her husband didn't want the responsibility of another daughter and so she was sent to Edea's orphanage. Julia sent money for all the children but Selphie was still left alone." Saying that she was stunned would have been an understatement but there was no other way to describe the shock of her friend's or rather her cousins behaviour or the fact that she constantly referred to herself in the third person.  
  
"Selphie.... My fathers a jack ass." Seemed to be the only thing that Rinoa could say. "And I hate that he took the chance for me to have a sister away." The brunette looked up then, with tears in her eyes. "I guess my mom was always trying to tell me about you and the rest of my family but I was too young to remember, I do remember that there were letters every few months though – even after my mother had died but my father wouldn't let me read them." The explanation seemed to ease Selphies tears and she actually smiled.  
  
"Irvine said he was going to kick his ass."  
  
"Tell him to get in line!" Rinoa remarked as she pictured the queue in her mind – she was first, them Squall, Irvine and Selphie would be there somewhere followed by thousands of people from the Galbadian continent – not to mention the rest of the world. "Although seeing as you're family I should be able to get you to the top of the queue." That comment seemed to reawaken a sense of happiness in the brunette and she hugged her friend again.  
  
"Thank you." She whispered and Rinoa chuckled.  
  
"no problem, now do you think you could show me to my room cause it's getting late and well.. I'm not so good with finding my way around this place."  
  
"Ok, but we're having the full blown catch up in the morning!"  
  
"deal." Rinoa replied and smiled to herself, it was funny in a way, she'd always considered Selphie as a close friend – sort of like a sister and in another reality she guessed that she was but here she was her cousin and that was good enough for her.  
  
* Seifer stood at the door of Quistis's dorm room debating whether knocking on it would be a good idea or if he should just leave her be. He'd actually been stood there for half an hour with a bottle or orange juice and two slices of toast – which had gone cold by now but he figured it was the though that counts right?  
  
Although if he actually started to think about what he was doing right now a greater sense of 'Seifer pride' would kick in and he'd be gone in seconds. Thankfully and in no small part because of his sessions with Quistis he managed to put someone other than himself first and if he was completely honest he was really worried about her. He'd been worried the night before when she didn't show up to the canteen for dinner but he'd left that to the fact that she'd been given her file from the orphanage and she just needed to read it properly. But she hadn't turned up for breakfast either - which was rare because she was normally there early so that she could avoid the treppies and put with the fact that he was probably the last one to see her alarm belles had started ringing in his head.  
  
Quistis it seemed had the ability to brood far more than Squall ever could – only she made sure she appeared happy enough on the outside so that no one would suspect anything. The only reason he'd managed to figure it out was because he'd been spending a lot of time with her over the past couple of years – ok so the first year had been row after row with his old instructor but it had clamed down after he realised what she was trying to do. She'd been trying to save him because she didn't think she could save herself – like if she failed him again there would be no hope that anything she ever did would be any good.  
  
So he knocked on her door, loud enough to wake her if she was sleeping, but he doubted that she was. Absolute silence followed and it crossed his mind that she might not even be in her room, his SeeD training however had taught him to eliminate all the possibilities and not to be out smarted by an enemy. He knocked again, this time hard enough to wake anyone in the corridors surrounding her room.  
  
This time there was movement in the room and he knew she was inside.  
  
"Unless it's important I suggest you leave me alone." Came the sharp and rather angry tone of Quistis Trepe.  
  
"It's important." He told her firmly, he wasn't going to leave until she let him in and at least talked to him – ok talked to him civilly and told him what was wrong.  
  
"What did you do now Seifer? Cause I'm sure that there are other instructors you can go and piss off today other than me." Her comment would, under normal circumstances be his cue to shout abuse back, but seeing as these weren't normal circumstances since when did Seifer help anyone but himself he didn't rise to the argument.  
  
"I brought Breakfast."  
  
"Oh." She whispered, and then wondered why he would be outside her dorm at all. She was used to him avoiding her like the plague, at least at first and it was true that she'd seen more of him recently but he always gave her the feeling that he'd rather be somewhere very far from her.  
  
Quistis considered just telling him to leave again – what did she need breakfast for? She'd gone longer than this without anything to eat and how was she supposed to face Seifer – the man could spot any sign of weakness and instantly start to pray on it.  
  
"Come on Quistis – toast's already frozen." Came his insistent voice yet again, she sighed could she handle him at the moment?  
  
"What's the point of me eating it then." She retorted, but the fight had all but left her and it seemed like the words were just a matter of protocol that her mind exercised in her current situation.  
  
"I'm not going anywhere so you might as well let me in – unless you want to have this conversation through the – " he stopped talking when she opened the door lock so that he could see her standing just beyond the threshold.  
  
He couldn't have carried on his sentence even if his life depended on it; she was stood there, looking so vulnerable and afraid. Her eyes were misty and red from hours of frustrated crying and her hair fell dishevelled around her pale face, she was dressed in pale lilac pyjamas that were obviously too big for her as the neck of the shirt fell past her left shoulder. The way that her hand was gripping tightly on the small shelf just inside told him that it was the only reason she was still standing. What was in that file?  
  
He didn't wait for an invitation, he just walked straight in and hit the button to close the door behind him, and she didn't reply or make any sort of sound or movement. He considered that she was afraid he was about to attack her so he kept his distance.  
  
"Well?" Quistis asked him and she released her death grip from the shelf and folded her arms protectively in front of her. She could feel herself shaking and only hoped that he hadn't noticed but he seemed to be keeping a distance between them so maybe, she told herself, he hadn't.  
  
"Well what?" Seifer asked her gesturing outwards with his arms. He realised he was still holding the toast and orange juice and looked around for somewhere to put them – her room was big compared to most dorms but there was no kitchen area included and he didn't feel like having this discussion holding onto something – he might have been liable to throw it. There was a clear spot near her bedside table and he walked over and placed them next to a distinctly old blue file. He half considered just picking it up and reading it, at least then he'd know what was going on inside that head of hers. However he never got the chance because a firm hand gripped his shoulder and pulled him backwards.  
  
"Don't." she commanded through gritted teeth before she turned him round to face her. He looked completely shocked at her behaviour and she realised that she'd just shown the biggest sign of weakness to a prospective enemy, now he wasn't going to leave until he got what he came for – if only she could figure out what that was.  
  
"I'm not here to cause trouble." He told her looking straight into her eyes and as she studied him he didn't waver from her gaze.  
  
There was honesty in his eyes, past the brutality of the man he had been, the suffering he had lived through and caused. There were even emotions in his eyes – fragmented and quick to change but they were there and it was enough to make her consider confiding in him.  
  
Slowly Quistis released her hold on him and backed away to sit on her bed. He was still stood there watching her, wondering what the hell he was supposed to do now.  
  
* Laurie had just confirmed her belief that where she was, was infact the best place in the entire world. She was warm and contented, completely and utterly safe and there wasn't anything that could steal the moment away from her.  
  
"Zell." She mumbled, pulling him closer to her underneath the warmth of the covers. He looked down at her smiling face and ran a hand through her long, soft hair before leaning in to give her a good morning kiss.  
  
"Mornin." He breathed against her skin, sending tingles all through her, the moment had just gotten better.  
  
"Morning." Came her soft reply as she ran her fingers along the design of his tattoo, this seemed to make his smile widen and he clasped her left hand in his right so that he could study the band on her finger.  
  
They'd been married for a year, one amazing but crazy year. They hadn't exactly planned the wedding in the first place – it just sort of struck them as the right thing to do after a mission that nearly killed the both of them in Deling city. It had only been a small wedding in Balamb with their close friends and family present at the ceremony but it was more than she could have asked for and one year on she knew there wasn't a thing she would change . "Laurie, do you mind if we go up into the hill's today?" Zell asked with more than a hint of trepidation in his voice and she could tell something was bothering him.  
  
"Why?" she mumbled moving closer to him.  
  
"I'd like to go see where my birthparents are buried." His solemn tone caught her attention and she looked at him. She knew about the file he'd brought home but he hadn't talked about it – didn't want to ruin their anniversary with something that could wait until later.  
  
"Zell... I'd love to go with you, but it's a three day trip on foot isn't it?" she asked considering what he was proposing, plus she still wasn't aware of the details surrounding his birth parents and she hadn't even know that Ma Dincht was his adopted mother until after they were engaged.  
  
"Yeah, but Xu's arranged for us to take a week off and I thought, that is if you want to that we could go and there are no monsters anymore so..." he was cut off by the feel of his wife's lips pressed against his own.  
  
"I'd love to go Zell, when do we leave?" she said when she'd pulled back to watch his dazed reaction.  
  
"Ah, um... as soon as you can get your stuff together." He answered. "Give me half an hour." She told him hugging him tightly before setting off around the room to find her backpack.  
  
* "So are you going to tell me or just leave me stood here?" Seifer asked, trying to watch his tone around her somewhat volatile mood.  
  
"I don't know yet." She whispered and then huddled her legs close to her with her arms wrapped around them. "It's all just so ... wrong and I don't ..." she forced the tears back as she fought through the new knowledge and the ramifications on her life that they had. She wasn't born into this world through love or kindness and she wondered if that was why she couldn't find 'the one', if she was never supposed to live then there was no soul mate out there for her.  
  
The bed dipped under the pressure of someone sitting to her right and she looked up briefly to see Seifer sat, with his elbows resting on his parted knees watching her. He didn't say a word and for a moment she considered that he was an illusion created by her sleep deprived mind to keep her company. His behaviour certainly wasn't something she'd from him before and although recently he'd changed it all just seemed a little too good to be true. "I'm not even supposed to be here." She told him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
"Don't you mean I'M not supposed to be here? These being the women's dorms?" he asked confused by her comment and even more certain that something was wrong with her and that the only answer was that Hyne- forsaken file. Damn chiken-wuss for finding that chest.   
  
Quistis shook her head and pushed herself back on the bed so that she could lean against the back wall, he followed her actions but made sure to keep a small distance between them – he wanted to help her but he didn't want to injure himself in the process, although if it came down to it he probably would.  
  
"I mean I should never have been born." Anger ran deep through her words and her veins and saying it stung like venom, only there was no antidote to cure this.  
  
"What?" he asked, it was the only response he could think of.  
  
"My mother didn't want me – I was just some tool to get one over the resistance to the Esthar forces." She was bitter in her tone but her voice remained calm and it was clear, from the look in her eyes that slowly she was falling apart.  
  
"Quistis.... Ah.... what happened?" Seifer chose his words carefully but edged a little closer to her at the same time. He didn't know why it bothered him so much or even why he'd really come to see her in the first place but he wanted to help her. In part as gratitude for everything she had done for him and what she'd put up with and for another reason too, although he was unsettled by it and refused to even admit it to himself. But that could be put to the back of his mind – he had to be there for her not worry about himself – not this time.  
  
"Can I even trust you not to say anything to anyone?" she asked turning blue eyes on him to judge his honesty. She still couldn't quite believe that she was considering telling him and to a greater extent that he was still there and willing to listen to her.  
  
"Given everything that you know about me, I don't think there's much of a problem there. Besides we grew up together and I always kept your secrets back then." He reassured her and she attempted a weak smile. It was true, she'd always told him everything and it was just a shame how things had turned out a few years ago.  
  
"True, but this isn't about Selphie and Irvine's kiss-tag game or where Zell hid his secret chocolate stash." It was about the only thing she could say to try and lighten the mood that had fallen over her and was fast descending over him before she told him everything. And she was going to tell him, because there was honesty on his eyes and warmth around him that she recognised from a long time ago.  
  
"No, but you need to tell someone Quis. You keep too much inside and won't talk to anyone, are you afraid the Treppies might finally realise you're only human?" he asked, only half joking.  
  
"I don't care what they think. But you are right – although if you tell anyone I said that I'll swear your lying." She eyed him for a few seconds in warning before continuing. "Anyway, the sooner I say it the sooner it's over right?" he just smiled reassuringly at her as she gave herself the same advice she'd given Seifer for two years and waited for her to start.  
  
"According to the reports that Edea put in my file and some information I managed to get from the Esthar database, my mother was a member of Adel's inner circle of protectors in Esthar and she was sent to try and stop a faction of soldiers living in a small area of the Centra continent, apparently she made no secret of it either." Quistis couldn't help but take it personally and couldn't stop the pain that the thought caused. "My father wasn't the leader of the group but he was in the inner circle and my mother used that to her advantage, she played the whole 'I'm sent here to destroy you but now I'm here I realise I can't because I'm in love with you routine.' And by all accounts he played along with it, hoping to use her in return." she felt Seifer move closer to her so that his arm rested against hers, and to her own surprise she welcomed the comfort rather than shunned it.  
  
"She could have meant it – it happens to people." He told her quietly remembering his own time working for sorceresses and if the accounts she'd managed to find were from Esthar then the documents could have been forged.  
  
But she shook her head slowly and glanced up at him, "The story's the same in the groups documents as well and from what they retrieved from my parents diaries."  
  
"You've really checked up on this haven't you?" it was obvious anyway and he wondered if she'd spent the entire night trying to prove the file wrong... or maybe in finding that it was true she somehow proved she was worthless. He wondered why she couldn't see everything she'd accomplished, graduating at fifteen, defeating the most evil sorceress of all time – she'd even defeated him twice.  
  
But then he remembered part of his reasoning for checking on her – he was worried she'd think she was a failure and because she was someone who kept her worries to herself. Seifer had gone to prove to her that she wasn't only know he'd the state she was in he knew it was going to be harder than he'd first thought.  
  
"I spent all night doing it because I couldn't sleep until I knew exactly what happened and now I do it doesn't change anything – I wasn't born out of love - I was a pawn in my parents games, both of them were using me and each other to get what they wanted. But they ended up killing each other and I was rescued by Galbadian forces." It was a brief explanation of a subject that she knew would stay with her forever. "That's why I screw up at everything and why I'm never going to find the man I'm supposed to be with - he doesn't exist and neither should I."  
  
For a reason he couldn't comprehend that comment cut into Seifer like a knife through his heart and he looked straight at her, willing her to take it back. But when he did any worries that her comment invoked in him were nothing to what the sight of her sat there shaking uncontrollably with tears streaming down her pale face did to him.  
  
Without any real thought to his actions his arms were around her in seconds, comforting her trembling form and proving to both her and himself that she was there because she was meant to be alive. Seifer knew that without her he'd still be lost and there would have been no future for him to look forward to, she'd brought him back from events three years ago and now maybe it was time for him to do the same for her.  
  
Hope u liked it, next one will be up soon. Positive reviews and constructive feedback welcome.! 


	6. different paths

Disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy 8, it's the property of squaresoft. No money has or will exchange hands. Thanx  
  
Well this is the next chapter, thanks sooo much to those people who've been reading and reviewing this and my other stories – I'd name you all but I'm afraid of missing someone out but I'll get round to it eventually. Ok well please continue to review this cause it helps me to write more! Enjoy!  
  
***  
  
"If you're not meant to be here than the world would probably be over by now and we'd all currently being tortured for all eternity." His voice soothed and calmed the violent shaking that wracked her body.  
  
"Seifer?" she tried to ask something but she could only manage his name, he was holding her so closely and she couldn't comprehend why he would care about her enough to hold on like he was.  
  
"Shhh." And she did, not thinking about the consequences of her actions and shifted her arms so that they were around him.  
  
She needed to know there was reason for her to be alive and he seemed to understand that need, maybe even share it. He was so warm and strong and she felt so safe – she hadn't expected that anyone could feel safe in his arms, not after the brutality she'd seen him inflict.  
  
But he'd changed, Quistis reasoned that in some way she must have gotten through to him, gotten back to who he used to be when he was younger – back when he'd been talking to her. In a way she realised that had been why she'd always tried to help him at Garden and why it had hurt her so much when he'd become a lapdog for Ultimicia - because she knew the person behind the tough guy façade and even with parts of her memory being repressed by GF's on some level she'd known. But it still didn't really make any sense.  
  
"Why?" she asked, her voice muffled by his chest where her head lay.  
  
Seifer honestly didn't know how he was supposed to answer that, or even what she was referring to; did he mean her parent's actions? Or was it his actions that were in question?  
  
"Because sometimes people will do anything for what they think is right – no matter what they have to put themselves through to achieve their goal." He'd gone with the first option, as the second was too much to contemplate at that moment.  
  
"Yeah but doesn't that just.... It adds to the point that I shouldn't be here at all." She told him, although he had to concentrate on her voice to hear her properly.  
  
"I didn't say that. I was just trying to give you a reason for them using each other, they were trying to bribe the other for the love of a child but what they ended up doing was bringing someone into the world who, whether they knew it or not would ultimately destroy part of an Esthar plot and later help to save time itself. Hell Quis, you even managed to help me give a damn again and I don't think anyone else could have. Rajin and Fujin were just plane scared of me – even after fishing and just hanging out, they were even more... well you know how they are." He hoped he hadn't just sounded like a soppy idiot because he hadn't meant to – it was just all new to him.  
  
"Seifer?" she asked again, only this time she knew exactly what she was saying and looking up at him it made sense.  
  
"Yeah?" he noticed that her tears were gone and in their place left a fragile but hopeful look in her eyes and he half hoped that she would....  
  
"Thank you." She just wondered if it was enough, she didn't know how to explain it but she felt somewhat closer to him and didn't want to loose the contact.  
  
Seifer's lips curled into a small smile, one that she couldn't register properly but there was a reassuring warmth in it that provoked emotions within her heart she'd never felt before, but he didn't give her time to think on it because he pulled her closer to him again and nuzzled his face in her hair.  
  
"It's nothing." He told her, still not letting go and she didn't ask him to. Infact neither mentioned it – afraid that if they did the other would back away in realisation at what they were doing, as long as there were no words they could be simply who they were at that moment and past mistakes had no meaning. They were just two people who needed each other and who, whether they realised it or not were on the verge of something else.  
  
* He was so peaceful when he was sleeping, like he was completely at peace with himself and she hoped that the comfort of oblivion was giving him what he needed. It was a wonder that he'd managed to find sleep at all, but his metal exhaustion had been so great she doubted he had any choice in the matter. She knew she hadn't, a mixture of relief and concern had sent her into a strange sort of deep sleep filled with dreams that ran together and yet meant nothing at all but it seemed that her greatest peace came from watching him sleep and not from the act of slumber itself.  
  
She loved him, deeply and completely and she hated seeing him like he had been the day before, so unsure of who he was and so scared. It was yet another complication in his life that he didn't deserve or need and the only thing she could do was be there for him, with him so that he could be reminded he was never alone.  
  
"Rin?" he muttered as he woke from slumber.  
  
"Yeah?" she whispered sliding back underneath the covers.  
  
"Why is Selphie waving at me?" he asked groggily and Rinoa, who didn't have a clue what he was talking about, sat up again and scanned the room. It was then that she noticed a small bouncing figure jumping up and down and waving through the window at the side of the bed, they'd left the curtains open the night before so that they could fall asleep under the comfort of the stars and now seemed to be paying the inadvertent price for it.  
  
"I think she'd trying to talk to me actually." She told him, waving back at Selphie and mouthing 'what are you doing here?' in the brunettes direction.  
  
"Oh, ok." Came the muffled reply.  
  
"Is it ok if I go talk to her, Squall?" she asked when it became clear that her friend really wanted to see her about something.  
  
"Will you be back?" he asked and she wondered if going to talk to Selphie was a good idea.  
  
"Promise." She told him bending down and kissing him, then she lingered above him until he smiled his permission and fell back to sleep.  
  
* "So." Rinoa said by means of a prompt to her best friend and newly found cousin.  
  
"So?" it was early in the morning and the two young women had left their dozing boyfriends so that they could catch up without nervous or prying men trying to find out what was going on or what they were discussing.  
  
"How's it been going with Irvine?" the sorceress asked with the sort of wicked glint that crept into both their eyes when it came to their other half.  
  
"Pretty good – although sometimes it seems like he's on edge – like there's not enough action here for him and I don't know what I'm supposed to do." Selphie confessed over her steaming hot cup of coffee.  
  
"I'm sure he could come up with a few suggestions." Her friend winked in an effort to lighten the mood that was fast descending on everyone.  
  
"Oh don't worry, there are no problems in 'that' area." She paused to take a sip from the rim of the mug. "I just think he's board here." She admitted slumming back into the comfy chair she was sat in with her legs snugly beneath her.  
  
"Oh come on, the guy's happy anywhere you are. I mean you were up here for all of two days before he applied and was granted a transfer here so he could be with you – and you were only going to be here for two weeks!" Rinoa reminded her and the brunette laughed.  
  
Remembering her own slightly crazy reaction when he'd shown up in the middle of the night at her dorm door looking slightly nervous with his hat in his hands. He'd stayed nervous about as long as he was outside her room – all of two seconds before she pulled him into her dorm and then into her arms. Afterwards they'd both decided to stay in Trabia and get to know each other better, the result being that they now lived together and were committed in a far deeper way than some people had first imagined.  
  
"I know, but... I also know him and although he's probably not going to say anything to me about it he's not completely happy here and I wonder sometimes – quite a lot recently... if we should go back to Balamb." Rinoa almost jumped out of her seat, Selphie was her best friend and having her back would be great and with Quistis too the three of them could get back to their girly adventures and late night chats – it sounded childish but she really missed it. She just hoped that Selphie was doing the right thing.  
  
"Are you happy here?" she asked placing her coffee mug down on the table and sliding along the sofa until she was at the end next to Selphies chair.  
  
Her friend sighed, "Mostly yes, but there isn't really anything left for me to do here. The Gardens fixed – even improved and I just do what I can to keep things running but I'm replaceable here - so is Irvine. I miss you guys so much and I'd be ok if I knew Irvine was happy here too... but he's not and I want to go home with him – back to you guys in Balamb." She looked a little sad and it didn't suit her at all.  
  
'These files are causing too much trouble.' Rinoa thought as she went to hug her best friend.  
  
"We'd love to have you back home, the whole group together again!" she exclaimed squeezing Selphie tightly before stepping back and sitting down again.  
  
"I... well I guess I have to talk to Squall and Irvine then...I just hope Irvine's not mad." Rinoa chuckled quietly to her self. "I'll talk to Squall if you want – tell him that you're considering it, he needs something to take his mind off this whole file business." The brunette cast her newfound cousin a curious glance.  
  
"Anything you can tell me?"  
  
Rinoa shook her head "No, he'll probably get around to telling you eventually but right now I think he's just trying to take it all in himself." Then glancing at the clock on the left wall she added, "I'd better go back – he'll be wondering where I am."  
  
"Me too and thanks Rinoa." The young sorceress smiled and sprinted out of the room.  
  
* The hills of Balamb had been left untouched since the end of the sorceress wars as no one on the small continent wanted to rebuild over a town of graves. It had been completely destroyed and only a few had managed to escape the massacre that had befallen the once quiet and peaceful area.  
  
The paths had worn away and the plant life had reclaimed the land leading up to the village, this left Zell and Laurie the task of finding their way up through the over growth with only an old map, a compass and a communicator in case of emergencies.  
  
They'd been walking for most of the morning, neither of them really saying much as they enjoyed each other's company, this wasn't an unusual occurrence between the two of them but Laurie was acutely aware of her husbands mood. Something was bothering him and she didn't know whether she should ask him or not. He seemed quite happy to keep a fast pace up the hillside so maybe it would be ok to leave him to his thoughts.  
  
"Laurie do you want to take a break?" he asked and she realised he must have caught her watching him.  
  
"No I'm fine." She told him double stepping to catch up with him and taking his offered hand. "Just wondering what's on your mind that's all." She added so that he could take his cue if he wanted to tell her.  
  
"Nothin much." He said absently scratching the back of his head as they walked. "Just wonderin what my parents were like, I mean I know Ma but I don't know my mother..." he tried to form what he was going to say in his head so that he could help her to understand. "I wouldn't change my life now for the world Laurie. It's just sometimes..."  
  
"You're wondering what you missed out on right?" Zell turned to her and she noticed a certain look of surprise in his eyes. "What? Am I wrong?"  
  
"No." he told her shaking his head "You're beautiful and pretty smart too." Laurie blushed and allowed herself to be pulled into his arms and to be lost in his bright blue eyes.  
  
"When we have kids promise me we'll do everything we can to stay with them." When she'd gotten over the fact that he said 'when' not 'if' Laurie attempted an answer. Although she was fully aware that articulating words was pretty hard after a statement like that.  
  
"You have my word." She managed before leaning in and sealing her commitment with a kiss.  
  
* "Selphies considering coming back to Balamb, with Irvine of course." Rinoa informed Squall who was stood leaning against the railing that surrounded the garden. It was the equivalent of the quad in Balamb, only in Trabia wall heating had been installed to counteract the intense cold.  
  
"What does Irvine think?" he asked absently.  
  
"Well Selphies not sure, but she thinks he wants to go back but you know Irvine – he'll do anything to make her happy." She added moving up to him on the railing.  
  
"Know the feeling." He whispered although it was so quiet it barely registered as sound and she wasn't sure that he'd said it.  
  
"So, if she mentions it to you will it be ok? I mean can they come back with us?" Rinoa asked leaning with her back against the railing so that she could see his face. His solemn features seemed to reflect the cold around them, his jaw set firm and determined but his eyes betrayed his appearance. In them she could see the fear of a young man faced with a history he never wanted to know and yet another position of responsibility he hadn't expected to be placed upon him - Laguna Loire's son.  
  
"If they can get the files transferred by the time we're done in Esthar then yeah." He told her, still not really acknowledging that she was there next to him.  
  
"So we're going?" came the tentative question.  
  
"I don't have a choice, Laguna deserves to know and I need to get this over with." This time he looked up at her with dread evident in his face. But although she understood why he felt the way he did she disagreed with what he said and he knew it. "Go on say it because it'll only drive you mad if you don't."  
  
Rinoa lowered her eyes to the floor before she spoke and silently hoped that what she said wouldn't push him over the edge and start an argument between the two of them. "I don't think that this is something you do and then forget about and you can't just pretend it hasn't happened either. Laguna's a good man Squall and he's gone through enough in his life I don't think that you can just tell him and then leave it be." She paused and Squall spoke up.  
  
"And I haven't been through enough?" he asked raising his voice and Rinoa cringed.  
  
"That's not what I mean and you know it, it's not as if he's rejected you or shoved you off to some orphanage because he couldn't handle the responsibility – he didn't know and when he does I don't think this is something he'll take lightly." It had ended up a little more personal than she'd intended and her anger at her father for what he did to Selphie had unknowingly made it into her argument.  
  
"Rinoa what's going on?" Squall asked her as he reached out for her hands, she gave them to him and looked up at his face.  
  
"I'm just trying to make sure you don't make a mistake you'll regret, Laguna's a really good guy and he's looked after all of us before now and I know that you think he can be a moron but there are worse people you could have as your father – believe me I know." He smiled at her and pulled her against him she welcomed it, smiling against his chest.  
  
"You better remind me of that when we get there Rin." Then added, just so that she knew he understood what she meant "And I'm sorry your fathers such a jerk." When he released her, she looked at him.  
  
"Yeah well, we can't choose who our parents will be can we." Then what she'd just said hit her and she fell back against him. "I'm... I didn't mean to say that."  
  
"It's ok, it's pretty accurate actually." He told her looking down at her and wondering what they could really control – life always seemed to have other plans and he wanted just a little bit of choice in his future.  
  
* "Irvine, do you ever think of going back to Balamb?" Selphie asked her sharpshooter as they walked towards the cafeteria hand in hand, it was about one o'clock and she'd only just talked her self into bringing the subject up.  
  
"Sure, all the time." He told her but his eyes drifted towards three young SeeD females, it took a prod from Selphie to bring his eyes back to her. "Sorry Darlin', force of habit." He said by means of an apology and she smiled her forgiveness.  
  
"Irvy, are you happy here?" she asked pushing through the doors backwards so that she could look at him.  
  
"With you? Sure, anywhere you are." And he placed his hat on her head affectionately. She pushed the top up of the hat and shook her head.  
  
"What if I went back to Balamb?" she asked wondering if he was ever going to give her a straight answer.  
  
His face almost went white when she suggested it but he replied none the less, "I'd follow you, why are you going?" he asked picking up two trays and giving one to her.  
  
"Only if you do." And then realising that this was going nowhere she tried to figure out what else could be pre occupying him. When she realised she mentally hit herself for being so self occupied.  
  
"Your file." She muttered and he turned to her, she was stood with hands on hips studying him.  
  
"That can wait Selph." He told her choosing between something that passed for a sandwich and a bowl of something that he presumed was meant to be soup although it looked more like swamp water.  
  
"No it can't." She told him stubbornly and hurried her tray along selecting the salad, chocolate cake and lemonade.  
  
"It's not something I want to bring up in a public place." Irvine whispered into her ear when he bent down.  
  
"Well we'll sit over there then." She countered leading him over to the more secluded are of the canteen. He followed she noticed, somewhat reluctantly and even when he sat down he looked like he'd very much like to hide under his hat – the hat that he was wearing.  
  
"I'm telling ya darlin; this isn't somethin you want to hear over lunch." He warned taking his hat back and pushing it firmly onto his head.  
  
"Look I've helped defeat an evil sorceress after lunch and not been phased by it, tell me what's wrong Irvine." She said, pleading with his eyes under his hat as well.  
  
"Ok, ok but this ain't pretty." And sitting back in his seat he continued, with his head down so far that she could just catch his eyes. "I'm from Galbadia and my parents were your ordinary townsfolk – or so my file tells me. Mom was called Caitlin and my dad was ... Wayne Kinnease, they were married for a little over two years when they had me."  
  
She watched him as he told her what had happened and couldn't help feeling a little sad, Irvine always gave the appearance of a loner and she couldn't help the feeling that she was about to find out why.  
  
"What happened to them?" she prompted the sharpshooter who seemed to have drifted off.  
  
"They got involved in a hostage situation in the local hospital, my mom was still pregnant at the time... they let me go when I was born but they were killed like some sorta exchange." He stopped and looked her right in the eyes. "I don't want to talk about this... it's just if I do I get angry, kinda like I did last night when I found out about your uncle."  
  
Selphie nodded. "Ok, I just wanted to know." She told him and then, in an attempt to lighten his mood asked. "So how do you feel about moving back to Balamb?" she asked shifting round to be next to him and to her relief he laughed.  
  
"Pretty damn good seffie." He told her and she leaned in and kissed him.  
  
All she had to do now was sort everything out with Squall, she just hoped he cheered up a bit before she had to and that it wouldn't be too much trouble. Rinoa hadn't told her much but she knew enough to worry about him, he'd cheered up a lot over the last few years and she didn't really want him to go back to his old brooding self. But she had to wonder, if her own file could make her dry and cause the change in Irvine what did his involve and what exactly was going on?  
  
*** As always positive feedback and constructive criticism welcome. Oh and to seth8 who wanted to know if Griever will make an appearance in this story – although he won't appear in this one I think he's going to in another one that will follow this. (I'd already written it before you suggested it but I've got it as more of a dream sequence at the mo) with any luck next chapter will be up soon. 


	7. discovering memories

Disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy 8, it's the property of Squaresoft. This story is purely for entertainment value. No money has or will exchange hands. Thanx.  
  
Sorry this took so long, I've been busy with a-level revision and so had to get that done as well as write this. Thanks to those who've been reviewing this, particularly vilq oui and Ste r who've reviewed this a few times so far – and anyone else I've forgotten (hangs head in shame – sorry!). Ok well enjoy!  
  
***  
  
Quistis had fallen asleep hours ago but Seifer had stayed with her the entire time, not wanting to leave her side for reasons he didn't exactly feel comfortable admitting. As long as he kept his feelings to himself it seemed he'd be ok – so would she, he reasoned. Someone like her didn't need to be involved with him, he had a temper and a strong will of his own that hardly ever abated but more than that he knew that he could probably cause her more pain. Something he could never forgive himself for inflicting on her. So why was it that part of him was wiling to take the chance?  
  
She watched him staring out of her window; he didn't know that she was awake so she wasn't going to disillusion him. Seifer needed his space as much as she did and infact it surprised her that he was still in her room – he'd even covered her in a blanket to keep her warm. There was no doubting that he'd become a different person in his time back at garden – no saying he'd become a different person wasn't right – he'd returned to the man he started growing up to be before rivalry and sorceresses played their part.  
  
The man before her now was someone she was just beginning to get to know and what she'd seen so far was enough to open her up to the possibility finding out a lot more. She just didn't know if he would want her though – she was after all someone who had a hard time opening up – not to mention the fact that they'd both tried to kill each other on more than one occasion. But stranger things had happened – Squall Leonhart now had a sense of humour for one.  
  
Quistis's eyes had lingered on him too long it seemed because he turned to look at her, catching her awake and staring right at him.  
  
"You're probably wondering why I'm still here right?" he sounded defensive and so she wasn't sure how she was supposed to answer.  
  
"Y – yeah, but I –"  
  
"I'll leave if it's a problem – I don't want to be accused of... oh Hyne –" his fumbled and angry words spilled out and Quistis sat up before he could leave.  
  
"Seifer shut up and come back here." She told him in full instructor mode and to both her and his surprise he did as she asked.  
  
"I can see that you're feeling better." He retorted looking at her.  
  
"I am, thank you." and then because it seemed that she had the upper hand in the conversation she asked him something she wouldn't have had the nerve for otherwise. "Seifer why did you come here in the first place?"  
  
He just stood there staring at the wall behind her as he thought about it.  
  
"Come on Seifer, there has to be some reason why you did it and I don't think it's because I was missing – unless Xu sent you?"  
  
"No, I went to see her when I was looking for you and she didn't know where you were. She thought you were in lessons or something." He told her as it was a question that he could answer – despite the fact he knew he was avoiding the subject.  
  
"Oh." And she didn't say anything else after that, neither did Seifer and the silence that followed was uncomfortable. Both were unable to say anything as the question hung heavy in the air.  
  
"I don't know why I came here. I just did because I was worried about you and I wanted to show you that you weren't a failure and that you could do something right." He blurted.  
  
"What?" she voiced her thoughts before she was aware of it.  
  
"Is it so damn hard to believe that I could care about another human being? My god Quistis you out of everyone should know that I've changed, I'm not some..." and he stopped when he looked down to see her laughing hysterically at him.  
  
Failing to see the joke in all of this his temper started to flair. "This isn't funny! I came to see you because I was worried... I can't even admit just how much I care about you to myself so how did you expect me to just come out and tell you... and then you laugh at me? What is this?" he finished his out burst to see her sitting there with her hand over her mouth, she was no longer laughing though. Just looking at him through wide eyes.  
  
"Seifer?" she whispered.  
  
"What?" his stubbornness had taken over his anger as he waited for her to follow up her question.  
  
"I'm glad that you're here." she said simply.  
  
"Oh." He looked dumbfounded and without a clue what he should stay he just opened his mouth and let his first semi intelligent thought be spoken out loud. "Why?"  
  
Quistis considered her response for a few seconds but couldn't come up with a suitable friendship orientated comment. She was certain that her feelings for him went past friendship and that giving him another answer – after his outburst wasn't fair or right and would ultimately only lead to more pain.  
  
"Because... because no one else would have... I wouldn't – I don't want anyone else here with me. I couldn't have asked for your help, but I didn't need to, you came of your own accord and now I know it's all right... I'm alright with you here." It was a profound and heartfelt statement; Seifer moved to sit on her bed afterwards and rested against the wall like she was, looking at her with unfamiliar emotions playing in eyes once devoid of any human feeling.  
  
"Is it wrong for me to..." she continued, only half looking at him.  
  
"No." he told her, moving closer and despite his own actions he was still surprised she leaned against him. But never the less he put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer pressing a kiss into her ruffled blonde hair.  
  
"And if it is then you're not on your own." The though settled her completely and her arms went around him as she allowed the feelings his presence invoked to wash through her and ebb away at the pain in her heart.  
  
* "Providing." Squall started, seeing Selphie start to bounce on the balls of her feet. "That you contact Quistis or Xu, tell them I've authorised it, sort out all the appropriate paperwork yourself and be ready to leave by the time we get back. Then yes it's all fine."  
  
"Thank you, thank you!!" she squealed in delight jumping on him briefly before doing the same to Rinoa and Irvine.  
  
Squall stood back, flushing red and turning to Rinoa who was stood with her hand firmly over her mouth in a vain attempt to stop her hysterical laughter.  
  
Irvine, somewhat embarrassed himself tipped his hat in Squalls direction by means of an apology and took his hyper active girlfriends hand in his own. The commander silently thanked the sharp shooter for his actions and once again turned to Rinoa, who by now had managed to compose herself.  
  
"Ready?" he asked her.  
  
"Yep." She told him, showing him the files and envelope she carried with her, he'd decided that if he wasn't going to be able to 'tell her' everything about his past then she might as well read it. She was such a huge part of his life now and Squall wanted her to know everything about where he came from and who is was – even if he couldn't find the words.  
  
He'd also asked her to keep the envelope as well because he couldn't look at it anymore, not now that he'd decided – firmly – that Laguna, 'his father' should read it first, it felt right somehow. After all he'd known Raine better than Squall and maybe he could handle the situation better that way. And ok he was avoiding the issue but his current reasoning postponed the pain he knew reading his 'mothers' letter would cause.  
  
"We'll contact you when we get to Esthar and let you know when we're coming back here, so be ready and say your good byes before hand." He warned before turning and walking towards the Ragnarok. In the past couple of days it had gathered a layer of snow that made it appear more like an elegant snow sculpture than the airship it really was.  
  
Rinoa stayed behind for a few minutes to say her goodbyes, then she followed Squall up the ramp and into the ship. She turned and waved to Selphie and Irvine every now and again until she was completely in side and could no longer see them.  
  
When she reached the bridge she settled herself down in her usual seat next to Squall, with her legs underneath her as she opened the file that contained Squalls past. He was setting up the auto controls for Esthar and when they were safely up in the air and travelling south he turned to watch Rinoa as she scanned the pages.  
  
"We should be there in an hour or so." He said to break the silence in the air – which was unusual because he'd always considered silence his friend, well until he met her. The though made him smile as he thought back on the past three years, he wanted to be that happy for the rest of his life – arguments and all. He just wanted to be with her.  
  
"Ok." She answered looking up briefly to catch his eyes. "Squall, you're really worried about this aren't you?"  
  
He just looked at her and nodded slowly. "What am I supposed to do, Laguna won't even talk about Raine – he always says it's too painful and now I'm going to walk right in there and tell him that she had his son."  
  
"A son that we don't know if he knew about – you." Rinoa finished for him, she put the file down next to the control panel.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Laguna is a good man Squall, a very god man who's suffered a great deal of pain in his life." She said quietly and deliberately looking into his eyes because she knew he'd understand it better that way  
  
"He's not the only one." He reminded her softly, trying his best to keep any sort of anger out of his voice. He wasn't so much angry with Laguna as he was the fact that he didn't know he had a son.  
  
"Yes, but Squall. You're not alone anymore." She reasoned getting out of her seat and walking towards him. He took her hands and then allowed her to sit on his lap, something that she often did when they were alone together on the airship and Squall had long given up telling her she'd be safer in her seat.  
  
"Even more so now I have a father." He remarked and she giggled, resting her head against his and kissing his temple.  
  
"I can't promise that this will go smoothly, but you have to give him some time – don't give up on him before you've had the chance to talk to him, he won't turn you away." She told him, her breath tickling the tiny hairs on his neck.  
  
"Do your sorceress powers tell you that?" he asked, wondering why she managed to calm him down every time he needed it – it must have been something to do with how close they had gotten over the past few years, he could read her as well as she could read him.  
  
"No, my heart tells me." She answered snuggling closer to him and feeling the same comfort she knew he felt.  
  
It made him realise just how alone Laguna must be – he'd lost the person he had the same connection with, it had been severed cruelly and now the only remnant of that was Squall. Rinoa, he reasoned, was probably right Laguna would want to know he didn't loose her completely that in some way she still lived on, in him.  
  
* The village they'd discovered lay in ruins and over grown with green vines that covered and wove themselves through what remained of the structures and houses that once stood proudly on the hillside. Time had not been kind to the place, it seemed even a massacre hadn't allowed buildings time to stand as a silent memorial to those who had once been there. Instead it appeared that all time and nature wanted to do was swallow the place and the history in contained so that the events that plagued the area were forgotten forever.  
  
"Do you know which one belonged to your parents?" Laurie asked, surveying the damage and the eerie calm that surrounded them.  
  
"Sort of, there was a map in with everything else and some one had written my mothers name next to a structure across from a fountain – at least I think it's a fountain." He replied turning the map upside down to see if it made more sense that way because it wasn't very easy to match the buildings that surrounded them to those on the map.  
  
"Well that looks like a church." She told him, carefully stepping over the remains of a wall and pointing to a structure up ahead. It had what looked like the start of a spire, well it had been once, now most of the red stone that had stood proudly lay in a tumbled heap on the ground.  
  
"Which would make..." Zell muttered to himself as he headed forwards and to the right a bit, Laurie followed him being careful not to loose her footing and keep an eye on his – he wasn't exactly paying any sort of attention to where he was going.  
  
"This the fountain..." he stopped briefly next to the structure and then went straight back to his map before turning around and standing completely still – something Laurie rarely saw him do. "And this is my old house." Sadness mixed with anticipation filled his already nervous voice as the pair of them stood outside the one story structure.  
  
It was in a bad way but it seemed to have escaped the worst of the damage, half the roof tiles were still visible, providing at least some shelter from the weather but the front door had fallen back on itself allowing a glance into the shadowed interior.  
  
Laurie reached for Zells hand and he squeezed it tightly as he took in the sight of the small building. "I think we can go inside Zell." She told him quietly as she watched his eyes stare directly past the door.  
  
"I know, I was just takin in the outside first." He looked around him once more and tugged on Laurie's hand "let's take a look around."  
  
She smiled, although he didn't catch it and she silently hoped they found something that would give some sort of evidence of him living there.  
  
It was surprisingly light inside, which was due in part to the fallen wall to the right of the entrance, sunlight streamed in dappled only by the branches that hung from the ceiling. Wooden furniture lay on the floor, some in pieces but there were two untouched chairs and a table, which stood against the wall covered in thick layers of dust. It was on the table that Laurie noticed several ornaments.  
  
"Zell, there's something's over here." He walked over from where he was stood on the other side of the room to her and blew at the dust covering what turned out to be a photo frame and two small ornaments.  
  
"You could have warned me!" she joked quietly as she coughed a few times to clear her throat.  
  
"Sorry Hun, didn't think." He told her picking up the faded photo, this time he wiped off the dust with his shoulder until he could make out the image.  
  
It was of a woman and a man, a few years older than Zell and Laurie and they were stood outside the house smiling at each other as if sharing some private joke. The two had the same coloured hair, blonde but the woman's hair lay in waves around her face.  
  
"Is that your mom and dad?" she asked gently, noting the similarity between her husband and both the people in the picture.  
  
"I think so, I'm gonna see if I can open up the back." and he fiddled with the clasp until the hinge at the side allowed the back to come away and reveal delicate writing, it read  
  
'Zell and Maria Lesca, on the day we moved in to our new home.'  
  
"So you're named after your dad, I'm not surprised. You look a lot like him." She said putting her arm around him as soon as she sensed his change in mood.  
  
"Yeah, I guess I sorta do." Then he looked at her and smiled "Do you... um do you have anywhere to put this, so that I can keep it?" he asked her.  
  
"I've got some room in my bag." She swung her bag from her shoulder and opened up the larger side packet.  
  
Zell handed her the closed frame before paying closer attention to the two small ornaments, they were both identical but mirror images of each other and they were of a man and a woman arm in arm. Placing them both back on the counter he gestured to Laurie that he was going into the back of the house.  
  
He found two rooms there, one that was obviously the master bedroom with a large bed in the centre now overgrown with more vines and coated in a thick layer of rubble from another collapsed wall.  
  
But it wasn't this room that grabbed his attention; it was the smaller less well-lit room next to it that drew him forwards. Walls of pale yellow covered the room interrupted only where the plaster had fallen away and a small hand painted border lined the middle of each wall, which depicted scenes of fairies and magical beings. He ran he hands along the designs in the knowledge that his mother or father had painted them, this room was his and some where in the back of his mind he remembered being there.  
  
Looking around he finally realised what was in the room, a cot stood against the back wall closest to the dust covered window – the only one that he'd seen in the house that was still in one piece. The cot itself was also pretty stable, although the guard nearest to him had been dropped down and the small bed sheets were disturbed – who ever had been there last had left in a hurry. Which, he reminded himself was actually him.  
  
"Zell?" he heard his wife's voice ask from somewhere in the hallway – he reasoned that she couldn't see him from where she was.  
  
"I'm in the little bedroom." He called back and smiled when she popped her head around the door, walking in properly he noticed that she was carrying something that resembled a large book.  
  
"It's a photo album." She told him, answering his question before he needed to ask it. "I found it poking out from under the bed in the other room – I hope you don't mind me looking, it's just that as a librarian I'm sorta curious about old books and stuff."  
  
"I don't mind at all, come over here I want you to see this." And she walked to him; still holding the album under her arm, until she could see what Zell was talking about.  
  
"This was my room." he stated simply and lopped his arms around his wife's waist. She looked around for a few seconds.  
  
"It's beautiful and I love the little fairies – I brought my camera – do you want me to photograph them?" she asked leaning back against him.  
  
"In a little while, but I just wanted you to see it first." Zell explained resting his head next to hers and smiling at the odd sort of contentment he got from being there. He had, in truth expected to be sad and to find a sombre place, but instead they'd discovered what had once been a happy home that now brought a feeling of peace.  
  
"Zell, have you noticed what's in the cot?" she asked softly.  
  
"Just a load of jumbled up sheets and blankets." He didn't sound very bothered so she knew that he was missing the point.  
  
Laurie slipped out of his arms after mild protesting and knelt down in front of the open cot. "Here." She said after pulling out a woollen blanket from the rest of the sheets.  
  
Zell accepted and soon realised what it was, it was a small blanket with the letter Z embroidered onto each corner in blue and red alternately. He was speechless as he looked at his wife and seemed to discover all over again just how much he loved her; she cared for everyone and noticed the smaller details that others would miss. It crossed his mind, for the second time that trip that she would make a fantastic mother someday, he only hoped that it was someday soon. If Finding out his parents past had taught him anything it was to take nothing for granted and he had every intention of doing just that.  
  
"Put it with the photo and the album." She nodded and slipped them both in, despite the albums size and stood next to her husband once more.  
  
"You ok?" she asked, she could see him deep in thought and couldn't help but worry a little.  
  
"I'm fine, you wanna see what else you can find in here?" he asked and Laurie smiled, hugging him before they started work on the cabinet across from the cot.  
  
* "Ragnarok, this is Esthar air station permission to land granted." The voice over the intercom greeted them as they hovered above the city.  
  
"Thanks." Squall told them before he set about manually steering the airship to land in the right spot – auto pilot never seemed to get the landing quite right and doing it himself at least took his mind off the matter at hand.  
  
"You ready?" Rinoa asked as she stood with the file and envelope in her arms. Squall just sighed and raised his eyebrows and she nodded, "Dumb question – sorry."  
  
"It's ok I just don't think that 'ready' applies to this situation."  
  
"I guess not." She told him taking his offered hand as they stepped onto the lift.  
  
"Rin?" he asked nervously – not quite sure how to put what he wanted to say next.  
  
"Yep?" she said smiling up at him and then sliding her hand up his arm and handing him the files so that's he could link arms with him properly.  
  
"I'm sorry about all of this." Rinoa looked at him, confused by his statement.  
  
"Sorry about what?"  
  
"For taking you half way round the world – twice, for being... well more like my old self and for the fact that everyone else is learning about their past and once again you're being left out of it." She smiled as he proved once again just how much he cared for her and for the opportunity to tell him what he'd learned about her own past.  
  
"Firstly, I like to travel, secondly, a couple of days away from class will do me good and... I'm not being left out." Her mischievous smile could be seen in her eyes and it made him wonder what she was hiding. "I'll tell you on the way, come on." She urged as he continued to stare at her with a bemused and slightly relieved expression on his face. At least it will distract him until he has to face his father, Rinoa thought as they made their way off the Ragnarok and down through the technological utopia.  
  
*** if u liked it please review!!! Constructive criticism is also welcome. Next chapter will be up as soon as I can get it done, and yes it's going to be the one when Laguna finds out. 


	8. letters secrets

Disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy 8, it's the property of squaresoft. No money has or will exchange hands. However all original characters and storylines are mine thanx.  
  
I'm sorry for the delay on this one, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to update every couple of weeks instead of every week from now on as I have important exams coming up. I will however go back to normal when they're all over, so I will be continuing my story – just a little slower than normal. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter.  
  
"Seriously?" Squall asked, shocked to discover Rinoa's best friend was also her cousin.  
  
"Yep, she's got letters and photographs to prove it, they were in the back of her file." She informed him, as they made their way along the crystal walkways of Esthar, hand in hand. Partly Wishing that she could have been given the photo's her mother received from the orphanage – but at the same time knowing that if they did exist that her father wouldn't let her anywhere near them.  
  
"It explains a lot actually –" and he would have finished that sentence if she hadn't sent him an 'insult me and get it' look, or rather a 'insult me and get none look'. She'd sent it his way a few times before so he knew when to stop.  
  
"And you would have been sisters? Things really would have been different." He commented instead, sounding thoughtful as he considered a different world – a world Rinoa had also imagined.  
  
Where her mother was still alive, Selphie was her sister and life was simpler, the only trouble was she didn't know if she'd have met Squall in that world – she only hoped that she would have done and that they could live together in a simpler time. But she couldn't guarantee it.  
  
"I guess there are something's in this world that we can be thankful for, somethings I would never change." He told her softly and whole-heartedly.  
  
"Me neither." And she tipped her head up to meet his lips gently in a somewhat thankful and reassuring kiss.  
  
"Ahem." The sound snapped them both out of their private world and they carried on, looking slightly embarrassed after the elderly woman sent them a disapproving look – it wasn't even as if they'd been in anyone's way either. '_She's obviously never been in love then' _Rinoa reasoned as she and Squall turned the corner before the presidential palace.  
  
He didn't say a word, just gave her a look, a slightly scared and nervous expression across his handsome features. She understood completely and wrapped her arm around his as they made their way on to the transporter that would shuttle them to the president's residence – home of Squalls unknowing father.  
  
"Shouldn't we have called or something – you know to let him know we're coming to see him?" Rinoa asked, trying to lighten Squalls spirits by getting him to talk to her.  
  
He just raised his eyebrows in her direction, "You know as well as I do that he drops everything for visitors – it's a wonder anything gets done." he remarked as they sped upwards, Squall with his file and letter on his lap and a worried Rinoa at his side.  
  
For all her powers she didn't know how this would all turn out and how two people could become the family destiny had stolen from them for so many years.

"Laguna, there are two visitors waiting for you in the reception room." Kiros informed him boss and friend, who was at that time signing various papers and official forms that needed to be done before he forgot all about them. It was unusual that he had do to any of that sort of work but recently a new wave of administration had decided everything needed to be documented.  
  
"Not more diplomats – I can't take another load of false promises from the Galbadian governments about how their prepared to keep the identity of the new sorceress a secret, if I would only confirm the rumour and tell them!" he exclaimed some what angrily, pushing his greying dark hair from his face and not even bothering to look up.  
  
"It's Squall Leonhart and Rinoa Heartilly and apparently they have some important matters to discuss with you." this caught Laguna's attention immediately and he snapped his head up dropping his pen in the process.  
  
"Is there something wrong?" he asked immediately. Squall had only been there twice in the last three years since everything had happened and even then he hadn't come to see Laguna directly – he came to see Ellone. He considered that there could be something wrong with Rinoa, but Dr. Odine had assured him that she was fine now that she knew for certain her powers were white.  
  
"They said it was more of a personal matter." Kiros told him and Laguna's face took on a worried expression, one his friend had only seen twice.  
  
"I'll see them straight away." He decided out loud, standing and quick stepping towards the doors.  
  
The dark man didn't stop him, he just let him go without really knowing if he should worry or not. The look on the young commander's face when he had asked for Laguna had been hard to read and the way he held on to the young sorceress's hand gave him every indication that something important was going on. – He could only guess what it had to do with his friend.  
  
But he didn't get much time to wonder when Laguna ran straight back in. "Ah, kiros could you get those documents to the right side of my desk sent off? They're important thanks." And he was off again leaving Kiros to his duties as presidential aid and his concerns for his friend.  
  
Rinoa watched as squall paced up and down, past the window looking out upon the technological wonders that made up Esthar city. She'd often wondered how so many people were kept from ever finding it, but with the technology that they had and people's fear of the place there was plenty a reason why it had been untouched and isolated.  
  
Infact, the only reason they'd found it was because Squall had carried her there to save her – an action that once she'd learned about touched her heart and gave her hope that he was finding his way in the world – finally allowing himself to become attached to someone.  
  
Now however he seemed dangerously close to regressing and his emotions seemed to be moving in extreme directions. The last two nights he'd held her close to him, not that this was unusual or unwanted – it was just that there was urgency present. He needed to know that he wouldn't be left alone and to some extent that he wouldn't be rejected either.  
  
Then there were other times, in Trabadia and on the Ragnarok when he'd shut off to the world, not wanting or not able to speak or to act, trapped in a fear he couldn't escape. A fear that only the president of Esthar could diminish, she just hoped that Laguna arrived before his son wore through the floor with his pacing.  
  
The door slid open quietly and neither would have noticed if it wasn't for the reflections in the windows surrounding the room.  
  
The older mans eyes looked straight at squall, a worried expression in them, but the younger man didn't know what he should say or do in response. So he just stood there, not quite able to comprehend the situation he was faced with. That the man who stood before him was his father.  
  
"Squall, it's good to see you – you too Rinoa, what's going on?" Laguna asked finally, it seemed that his experience of dealing with uncomfortable political situations was finally paying off.  
  
"I've got some important information for you." Squall answered vaguely, half hoping that his father was enough of a diplomat to spot the hidden agenda. '_Although...._'  
  
"Kiros said that it was personal information, so what's going on?"  
  
"We were at the orphanage earlier this week and Edea gave me a letter that you need to read, it's...." he paused, knowing that this was enough to give the game away "It's from Raine."  
  
Hearing his late wife's name mentioned shocked Laguna, why would Edea have a letter from her? Unless... "Does this have anything to do with Ellone? – last time I was there Edea said that she'd already left."  
  
The word MORON formed in Squalls mind but he didn't voice it, instead he thought back to where Laguna was coming from. He could remember the 'dream' he'd witnessed of what Laguna and matron had talked about and knew that he hadn't been mentioned. That only brought up more questions though – had Edea known all along? No came the answer, or she would have done something.  
  
"Squall?" his 'fathers' voice asked again and he realised that he'd left his answer to long.  
  
"I... um, I think that you should just read it." He said whilst thrusting the envelope at Laguna who just stood in a bemused silence.  
  
Rinoa, deciding that they needed to be left alone to sort this out, and that she'd like to speak to Ellone about All of this anyway, walked over to Squall squeezed his hand reassuringly and turned to laguna.  
  
"If it's possible I'd like to speak to Ellone and take a look around."  
  
"Absolutely, but you will be coming back right? It's nice to see you guys here." She nodded and he added, "Talk to kiros and he'll take you to her."  
  
"Thank you." She told him and reached up to kiss Squall lightly on the cheek before releasing his hand and leaving them to talk.  
  
When Laguna looked back to where squall had been stood he noticed he'd gone to stand furthest away from him, with an old blue file in his hand, concentrating on the city below.  
  
"Do you know what this is about?" he asked, but the young man seemed reluctant to answer.  
  
"I haven't read it, so I don't know what Raine wrote in it – all I know is that she dictated it to a friend a month before she died." There was a sorrow in his voice; something that Laguna thought was unusual as he'd always though of Squall as someone who kept his emotions to himself. But he decided not to ask why this particular subject upset him.  
  
Instead he sat himself down, took a deep breath and with trembling hands took out the letter and started to read it as calmly as he could.  
  
_'This letter if for the two most important people in my life, may they find it and each other.  
  
Firstly, to my Husband, Laguna Loire,  
I didn't know how to start this - or even what I was supposed to say, me not being the writer in this marriage, but then I realised that the truth was the only option.  
  
I love you Laguna and I miss you, but more than that I have something to tell you and someone that you must know.  
  
I'm pregnant, I know it's a shock – it was for me too and I didn't find out until two months after you went in search of Ellone. Now I'm about eight – eight and a half months pregnant so he could be born any day now. It may sound presumptuous for me to say it's a boy but I can feel it Laguna – you are going to have a son.  
  
I also know that it is very unlikely for me to be here when you return. Pregnancy, it seems does not suit me and I am becoming weaker. It is the same thing that my mother died of – only until now I wasn't aware of it. The doctor is very concerned but I am not. I'm happy, strange as it may sound to you, because I know that I'm going to bring our son into the world.  
  
The only people that I do worry about are you, Ellone and our little boy. I do not know if you will return before they send him away. I hear the villagers talking outside my door; they blame you over and over again for what is happening to me, they can't see that this is not your fault and that you had to go and rescue Ellone. They don't understand the danger that we are all in if you don't save her.  
  
It seems I worry so much about you not finding our son, so I have spoken to my friend – the one who kindly agreed to write this letter for me and she says that I should give him a name. I have though about this and decided on Squall. It's a combination of the two of us and it means rain over water, it goes with Raine and Laguna. Clever isn't it?  
  
So all I ask is that you get to know him and to love him. I cannot bear the thought of you never knowing each other, of being alone for the rest of your lives. That is why I am demanding that this letter be sent with him wherever they take him, along with my ring and name.  
  
Please do not blame yourself, just protect our family – they way you have gone off to save Ellone. Although I miss you very much, I think I love you all the more for going after her.  
  
Just know that I will always love you and Squall and that I don't regret a single moment of our time together.  
  
My love always.  
  
Raine.'  
_  
"I think the rest of this is for you." He said calmly, before the words of the letter finally hit home.  
  
Squall turned around, not expecting Laguna to make any sort of comment really and not able to move at all.  
  
"Thank you Kiros, Ward. I should be alright now." Rinoa told the two men who'd accompanied her to the other side of the presidential mansion where Ellone lived.  
  
Ward nodded and Kiros bowed. "Our pleasure. Just call us if you need us, we'll be in the library down the hall." The black man informed her and the young sorceress smiled.  
  
"thanks." She said warmly before knocking on the door in front of her and hoping that she could find the help she needed.  
  
"Come in." Ellones familiar voice called and Rinoa did as she asked, stepping in when the doors swished open and then closed behind her. "On hello, it's nice to see you Rinoa – I take it that Squall is with you? I saw the Ragnarok land this morning." She looked mostly the same as she always had, only her hair was slightly longer and kept up in a clip at the back of her head.  
  
"Yeah, he's talking to his father at the moment so I thought I'd leave him to it." Rinoa stated bravely and then waited for Ellones response.  
  
"So he knows then." She said, sounding somewhat relieved and a little defeated.  
  
"They both do. I take it that Laguna didn't know either?" Rinoa asked and Ellone shook her head.  
  
"No, he didn't have any idea at all. When he sent me back to Winhill it was another month before he returned and by then I was gone. He didn't see me again until three years ago and it really wasn't the time then, so to speak." In another circumstance the sorceress may have laughed, but she was too worried about Squall for that.  
  
"You could have said something; you were – until now at least, the only one who knew – Edea had forgotten due to a GF she kept junctionned since she'd set up the orphanage so she couldn't tell Laguna before now... why didn't you tell them?"  
  
Ellone sighed and sat down, contemplating what she should say, what could she tell her that would make any sense? The truth was a little complicated and hard to take. "I just couldn't tell them, couldn't put them through anymore. I love those two more than anything in the world and I don't know how I could have said it."  
  
Rinoa didn't understand what the other woman was going on about, "But it's... why would knowing that they're father and son hurt them?" she asked finally deciding to voice her confused thoughts and she sat down across from Ellone in the sunlit room.  
  
"Because Squall is the reason that Raine died, which means its Laguna's fault too." she whispered preferring to look into her lap to looking at the young sorceress.  
  
"I know that Raine got really sick after he was born – that she was delirious and wanted Laguna to see his son because Squall told me. But you can't really blame them for that, Laguna never knew Raine was pregnant – how could he have done? No letter would ever have reached him in time." Rinoa countered sorting out the events and reasons in her head as she said them.  
  
"No, Raine had a medical condition that she inherited form her mother. The more her pregnancy progresses, the more it made her ill and in the end it killed her. I just didn't see how I was supposed to tell them that, it almost killed Laguna when he found out his wife had died – that's why he stayed cooped up here for so long. It never seemed like the right time to tell him he had a son and who that son was – I could never say it; the blame would have killed him."  
  
Rinoa sat there in silence, replaying Ellones words in her mind. Her intentions had been right but her reasoning was flawed. Laguna already blamed himself for not going back sooner, if he'd known that it was a medical condition that killed his wife then it could have helped. But she agreed that maybe the time hadn't been right, there must have been something in that letter to allay their fears. Only Ellone didn't know about that, but there was something she did know that didn't make any sense given what she'd just said.  
  
"Who told you that?" the sorceress asked.  
  
"Told me what?"  
  
"That finding out his wife had died almost killed him and that telling him he had a son would push him over the edge?" Rinoa asked again, it hadn't made sense to her how Ellone would be so certain that it would play out like that – _she said she hadn't seen Laguna again until the whole sorceress mess three years ago and if he wouldn't talk about it..._  
  
"I got a letter from the villager who took me to the orphanage a few months after Squall and I arrived there. It said that Laguna, who by then had adopted me, had returned to the village and had been very upset when he found out about Raine dieing. They told me that it had almost killed him and so I shouldn't tell him about Squall because he would only blame himself and he'd die. They also mentioned that he would come to see me as soon as he could, but I left by the time he arrived."  
  
"Who was it?" came the next question, it seemed that the younger of the two knew something that the other didn't and that questions would be asked until they knew what was going on.  
  
"The wife of the shop owner, they used to look after me sometimes and they wrote to me every couple of months while I was at the orphanage to make sure that me and Squall were safe." Ellone said, complying with Rinoa's subliminal interrogation.  
  
"Did they tell you not to tell Squall either?" she asked, this time sounding sad about it.  
  
"Yes. They said that it would cause him too much pain, and as I was supposed to protect him I should protect him from the knowledge that he and his father killed his mother because it was an accident. One that needed to be kept a secret so that no one would be upset." Then she paused and looked directly at Rinoa. "Why, does it matter who told me?"  
  
She shook her head. "No, but it matters that you were told all of that at such a young age. I bet that they kept saying the same things over and over again so that you'd feel like you do now – unable to tell them." She sighed and slummed into the back of the chair. "My father used to do that sort of thing to me. Told me I was weak and needed to be sent away to school so that I was safe from the world – a world that would corrupt me and take me like it did my mother if I wasn't careful."  
  
"I'm sorry." Ellone told her but Rinoa just looked at her.  
  
"They lied to you, made you think that you couldn't tell them so that even when you forgot the letters you remembered the meaning." She stated clearly and watched Ellone shake her head vigorously.  
  
"They wouldn't do that." She defended.  
  
"Yes they would if they thought they were protecting you and Squall from a man who 'killed' their most cherished villager." It was something she'd learned the hard way – her father had thought he was protecting her by doing what he did, the school had been his way of keeping her from the fate of her mother, but all he'd ended up doing was killing part of her inside, the part of her that craved freedom. A part that she didn't really get back until she joined the forest owls and then when Squall came in to her life.  
  
"I – I still have the letters, if you are telling the truth then I think you should see them. We need to know what's going on." Ellone said standing and walking into the room to the left, which Rinoa guessed was the study from what she could see through the doorway.  
  
She also decided that it would be a good idea to stay put until the letters were found, she wouldn't be able to help her find something she'd never seen before. There was also the guilt that surrounded the fact that she'd just destroyed Ellones view of someone who'd looked after her when she was younger. _But why had they done it? Why did they hate Laguna that much?  
  
_Their actions had only ended up causing more pain in the end – they'd hurt Squall and that she couldn't really forgive, she only hoped that they could be made aware of that they'd caused. But first she had to find out who it was.Again I'm really sorry it took me sooo long to update but I should be able to get the next chap done soon. If you liked it please review so my efforts to do this chapter done go in vain, constructive feedback as always is welcome. Thankyou!! 


	9. revelations

Disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy 8, it's the property of Squaresoft. No money has or will exchange hands. However all original characters and storylines are mine Thanx.  
  
Ok well here it is, give me a few weeks until my next update, as by the time this is posted I'll be in the thick of my exams. But for now here's the next chapter. Note: for those of you who've seen the scene where Kiros, ward and in a small way Laguna himself, strongly hint at the relationship between Squall and Laguna – it didn't happen in this 'reality' as it were.

* * *

Squall took the offered letter, purposely neglecting to mention the copy he had inside his own folder. As an after thought however he passed the worn blue file across the polished wooden coffee table until Laguna picked it up and without a glance in his direction, started to look through it.  
  
But Squall was still afraid of reading his mothers letter – afraid of the contact with a woman he'd only known through a dream. Despite this he still looked to the second half of the page his 'father' had handed him and started to read.  
  
'_To my dear boy Squall,  
Love is too simpler a word to express what I feel for you; you represent and are part of the most important thing to happen in my life. You see I love you, even though I have never met you because I know you in that I know you father, Laguna. He is a good man, kind and although a little thoughtless you will never meet a more devoted man.  
  
It occurs to me that I do not know how old you will be when you read this, you could be a small boy sat on your fathers knee or be reading it whilst holding on to your own child, it makes me happy to think of either outcome because I want you to have the best life possible.  
  
I'm just sorry that I won't be able to raise you myself, I will always look out for you, bit I know, even now that the disease that took my mother will take me as well. It seems that medicine isn't advanced enough yet to ensure my survival, but I can secure yours.  
  
Do not blame yourself or your father for this and do not think my words are of someone who is weak, I haven't given up completely and I will fight this until the end. I have just grown to accept my fate and enjoy the time I have left, the time I have to get to know you, my little boy.  
  
I wonder who you will turn out to be and what you will decide to do with your life. Will you be a soldier or journalist like your father? Or will you lead a quiet life choosing to settle down with someone and start a family? Whatever it is you choose I hope that you are happy, well and loved because these are the most important things you will ever find in this world.  
  
I also hope that you will be taught the value of forgiveness, sometimes people do what they think is the right even though it is wrong. My cousin is one of these people; he could never see that I love your father and he never understood why I let him to go off in search of your sister. These last few months he's gotten worse and will not even listen to the wisdom of his wife and he will likely be the one who sends you away. My friend will go with them a she is the only one in this place I can trust now and she assures me that you will have the letter and my ring with you.  
  
So all I can do now is tell you that I will love you always and may you find peace and happiness in your life.  
  
All my love, your mother, Raine Loire.  
_  
There were no words that he could say and not a thought in his mind that would show itself for more than second. The revelation at the centre of all this being, not that he caused his mothers death – because by her own words she knew she hadn't. But that she had loved him and someone in Winhill had done everything they could to keep him, not only from knowing that but from knowing his father as well.  
  
Squall looked up from what he was reading to see his father staring straight ahead, with the file in his lap and he didn't know what he was supposed to do or say, afraid of saying the wrong thing or of hurting Laguna even more. Maybe he just needed to absorb the information before he could start to accept what had happened. Something Squall had to do for himself.

* * *

'Everything you ever loved is gone from here now, and you should be too, you killed her. Our Raine would still be alive if it wasn't for you. You gave her a burden too big to carry on her own and it killed her.'  
  
He could still hear the voice of the villager, even now. Those words had haunted him for twenty years and had been the root of the blame and regret he'd carried in his heart all that time. He thought he'd left her to worry and look after everything, that the stress of him being gone was what killed her, he had no idea that she was pregnant – or that pregnancy could kill her. If he had known then he would have gone back sooner. But he knew that Raine would never have wanted him to come back until he had rescued Ellone and even if she had written him a letter it would never have reached him.  
  
Instead it had taken twenty years and his own son to deliver the letter. His own son... he had a son, one he'd know for three years, one who'd helped kill the most evil sorceress of all time. Not to mention the fact that he was commander of SeeD at Balamb Garden. But all this knowledge seemed so insignificant and so impersonal as practically the whole world knew who Squall Leonhart was.  
  
So why had it taken him so long to finally know who he was. Sure there had been indications, his surname was, after all Raines maiden name, but he'd come across other Leonhearts in his travels and none of them where knowingly related to his wife. Then there was the ring, griever. He didn't think he'd ever seen Squall with it, there was only the pendant he wore around his neck, something Laguna hadn't given much thought to as there had been other places and people he'd seen it on.  
  
There was no reason for him to have ever known he had a son and he hadn't been paying attention to the clues because he'd never considered it. As far as he knew his wife was dead and there was nothing left in the world that he cared about as much as her so why look? He'd been lied to all that time.  
  
"I didn't know." He whispered, not fully registering that the words had left his mouth. "They told me there was nothing left for me there, that everything I'd ever loved was dead. No on would even tell me where Ellone had gone." He spoke as if distant from everything, like he wasn't aware of anything around him and the words were part of a conversation playing out through shock.  
  
The shock of a life he'd lost the chance to live.  
  
"I went to the orphanage, after I'd finally discovered where Ellone was. But if I'd known I'd have taken you with me and made a home for you here." Sadness crept in to his voice but his eyes remained wide open and blank.  
  
"It's not your fault." Squall told him as he finally found his voice to offer words of comfort rather than leave the other man in the silence of his painful reverie.  
  
"How can it not be?" this time Laguna sounded more alive and he turned his eyes on Squall.  
  
"Because you never knew that you had a son."  
  
"I should have gone back sooner."  
  
But Squall shook his head. "If you had gone back you never would have captured Adel and we probably wouldn't be here now."  
  
Part of him questioned why he was giving his father all the reasons why it wasn't his fault; right up until then he had blamed the man for at least some of what had happened, but the letter had changed all of that. And, he reasoned, his SeeD training was playing apart too, he was thinking about the facts rather than the emotions.  
  
He was angry and hurting deeply, but he didn't blame Laguna – he blamed whoever had sent him away and kept the knowledge of his past from him and despite his mothers words he didn't know if he could forgive that.  
  
"That's not the point! I'm your father and I should have found a way. Should have known who you were from your name and I should have looked for the ring to see if you were some sort of relative to her."  
  
Something in Squall's mind clicked then. "Rinoa has my ring." Which made Laguna send him a questioning look. "It's a long story, she wanted to make a copy so I inadvertently lent it to her, but when it came to her giving it back... I couldn't take it and told her to keep it. She's worn it round her neck on the chain with her mothers ring ever since."  
  
"When was this?"  
  
"Before we came to Esthar three years ago." He answered, wondering if it had made a difference, but also knowing that he didn't regret giving Rinoa the ring either. It meant something o him that she still wore it.  
  
"Damn it!"  
  
"Look, my point is that you've never seen me with it and you didn't exactly spend much time talking to Rinoa either. And what's my name got to do with anything?" he asked, as a small part of him realised that they weren't really talking directly about their situation, but, he reasoned that what they were talking about was a start.  
  
"Yeah, your mother named you after the two of us, I should have realised. Hyne I'm a moron!"  
  
Squall stopped himself before he said something stupid and instead allowed himself to take in everything that had happened. The knowledge that he was no longer an orphan, that he had a father who seemed just as shocked by everything as he was, that he had once had a mother who loved him and he had a sister...  
  
"Ellone."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Ellones really my sister isn't she? I mean I know she was adopted but she is." He explained, although it was mostly for his own benefit. But Laguna's eyes had gone cold and distant and apart from coughing to get his attention Squall couldn't think of another way.  
  
"She must have known." Came the whisper.  
  
"When I first realised who she was, she told me that I 'was her only hope'" Squall explained, "but during the evacuation of the Lunar base she spoke to me again. She realised that we couldn't change the past – that we could only learn from it."  
  
"But what was the point if she didn't tell us?"  
  
He couldn't answer that one, but he was now starting to realise why Rinoa had wanted to go and see Ellone, something was going on and the situation was proving to be increasingly complicated. Every time one question was answered another one came to the surface.

* * *

The content of the letters was mostly the same, stories about weekly events in Winhill, funny children's tales and poems, all of which was filled with subliminal messages. Rinoa had seen it all before, she'd lived through it for seven years before she finally realised what was going on. Then of course, she'd played along till she was seventeen and had graduated from high school – she'd gone straight to timber and swore never to trust her father again.  
  
"I can't believe I didn't notice this before – it's the same thing nearly every time; 'don't tell your brother, knowledge can sometimes cause pain, if it was no body's fault, then lest no body suffer with the knowledge." Ellone sighed, exasperated at what she was learning and had been brainwashed with.  
  
"You don't notice at first, it's not really until you go over it again that you see it for what it is." Rinoa's personal tone drew the other woman's attention. "It doesn't matter now." She said. "What matters is what happened to Squall, Laguna and you." the last thing she wanted was the attention to be put on her, she was over her problems and didn't want to dwell on her own past.  
  
"Well, going by this we were lied to by Jaylan, he ran the shop across from the hotel – if you can call it that. He used to baby sit me when Raine and Laguna were 'busy'."  
  
"Did he take you to the orphanage?"  
  
Ellone shook her head. "Not on his own, Almae his wife and Raines best friend Rachel came as well."  
  
Rinoa studied the letters that she carried again, paying particular attention to the names and the handwriting. It was almost always the same, well written but she could tell a man had penned them – all the ones with subliminal content anyway, but the name at the bottom gave that away even she hadn't been so observant.  
  
"Almae and Rachel haven't signed or written any of these, with a couple of exceptions but there's are normal letters, the ones that lied to you are all from Jaylen. I know that the people weren't exactly found of Laguna but why would one of them take it to this extreme?"  
  
"I don't know, he was always funny with Laguna and I don't remember him being at the wedding either."  
  
"Could he have been jealous?"  
  
Ellone shook her head again, "No, he'd married Almae years before I was born, there were pictures up in Raines house."  
  
And Rinoa slumped against the cabinet she was sat in front of, glancing at her watch. She wondered if they'd been left alone for long enough yet although I don't think any length of time is really long enough.  
  
"Then I guess there's nothing more we can do until we talk to Laguna – and that could be quite a while." She observed sighing in defeat.  
  
'BEEP, BEEP'  
  
"What's that noise?" Rinoa asked looking around for the source.  
  
"It's the intercom, most rooms in the palace have one – it's sometimes easier than going all the way to the other side of the building." Ellone explained as she stood and made her way into the other room, the sorceress followed her.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
The screen in front of them came to life and a very white Laguna and Squall could be seen sat in the presidential lounge where Rinoa had left them earlier.  
  
"Could you two come back to the lounge please? There's something we need to discuss." Laguna asked them, although it didn't sound like a question – and he looked like he was either going to scream or be physically sick.  
  
"Yeah, we'll be there as soon as we can." Ellone told him lowering her eyes to avoid looking at the screen.  
  
Rinoa said nothing, she just looked at Squall and nodded her head – he knew as well as she did that the blame didn't lye with Ellone, but by the look in his eyes he needed to be convinced.

* * *

The relief on Squalls face when they walked in went someway in explaining to Rinoa how the conversation between the two men had gone. So she made her way over to him and put her arms around him, holding him closely in the silence of the room before stepping back a little and standing at his side.  
  
Ellones eyes were focused on the floor as she didn't want to meet her uncles eyes, she felt so ashamed – as if somewhere inside she knew if she'd just said something that things would have turned out so differently – if she'd just managed to persuade Laguna to go back with her all those years ago...  
  
"Sis?" Squall asked before looking to Rinoa for some sort of answer as to why his 'sister' was acting the way she was. Rinoa shrugged in response and waited for someone to speak.  
  
"I'm so sorry, I thought that if I told you then you would either hate yourselves or each other, I didn't know how to make you see that it wasn't your fault – that you weren't to blame." Ellone whispered brokenly and she held out the collection of letters without lifting her head as she whished for it all to be over.  
  
Laguna snatched them from her and she flinched, quickly moving to sit down away from them.  
  
"This isn't her fault." Rinoa said, meeting Laguna's stony gaze directly. "I don't know what would have happened if she'd told you three years ago, but there are reasons she didn't. You're a politician – you should know all about subliminal messages and carefully woven instructions, those letters you have in your hands are full of them and if you need someone to blame then I suggest you blame their author." She continued not letting her gaze or her confidence waver for a second  
  
All three watched while he scanned the pages and looked at the name, then he looked up at Squall with misty eyes and a look of deep pain in his face.  
  
"I'm... I have to..." then he stopped speaking all together as he fought the tears he refused to let fall in front of his son. "I'm sorry ok? About all of this. I'm sorry that we were never a family, that I didn't go back earlier and I'm sorry that I have to leave now." He took in a deep and deliberate breath. "I need to sort this out in my head and I don't think you need to see a grown man – your father no less break down and cry in front of you. Give me until tomorrow and I promise we'll have a proper conversation, but right now..."  
  
Squall looked from Laguna to Ellone and then back again, so much pain lay around him, pain that had been caused by mortal means. Pain whose cause he couldn't forgive.  
  
"It's ok, go. We all need time to think this through, so we'll talk tomorrow." He told his father, who tried to protest but Squall shook his head before he had the chance "It's ok." He reassured and the older man left without saying a word, if he spoke he would let it all out and neither him nor his son were ready for that yet.  
  
From the silence came the quiet sound of someone crying and turning Squall saw his sister with her face in her hands as she sobbed. He glanced quickly at Rinoa who nodded her head as if to tell him what he was going to do was the right thing, so he walked towards Ellone and knelt at her side.  
  
"Elle?" but she wouldn't look up. "Sis?" he asked again.  
  
"This is all my fault Squall – all of It." her words broke through her sobs and provoked Squall to do something he wasn't accustomed to, he reached up and took his sister into his arms.  
  
"No it's not, Shhh." He whispered, blinking back his own tears. Inside he was reeling from the shock and the pain and he understood why Laguna had to run for a while but he couldn't dwell on his own pain, there were others that needed him and he found some comfort in that.  
  
"But I've hurt you and Laguna so much and I –" but he cut her off,  
  
"No, you have done nothing wrong – all you have ever done was to try and protect those who you love. Don't blame your self, please." He couldn't take any more people hurting, internal torment was the worst kind of pain and he refused to let those he cared for suffer.  
  
She didn't say anything more, just clung onto him for support, she knew then that she loved him just as much as any biological sibling that she could have had and she thanked god for him and the rest of her family everyday. She just wished that she could help them – they always seemed to be saving her.

* * *

The cool desert night brought restless sleep for Squall, he was waking up almost every hour with a fear that disappeared before he could pin it down and then left him in a cold sweat. He didn't know what he was – or should be feeling, everything was messed up and he didn't know where to start – what was he supposed to do now?  
  
"Squall, no ones out to hurt you here, your safe." He turned to the source of the calming voice at his side. Even in the dim light he could see Rinoa's brown eyes sparkling at him from where she lay.  
  
She'd been watching him as he slept for the past hour and had heard the words he spoke in his sleep. By the look on his face he wasn't aware that he'd made a sound and she felt as though she was privy to an untold or even unknown secret. It was neither comforting or disturbing and it unsettled her.  
  
"You don't remember do you?" she asked carefully when she noticed him studying her.  
  
"No." he said finally, lying back so that he saw the ceiling. "I don't remember some damn dream, only a feeling."  
  
"What feeling?" Rinoa asked, sliding closer to him under the covers, Esthar, in true desert fashion was hot during the day but bitterly cold come the night time.  
  
He could have told her it didn't matter but she wouldn't have believed him and he didn't want to lie to her, there had been enough of those already. So he answered. "Fear, complete and total fear of something I don't remember."  
  
He felt her sigh at his side and looked down at her for some sort of explanation.  
  
"You were shouting before, almost screaming at someone who wanted to kill you – you said something about 'wanting to be alive, that you didn't want to disappear just because someone wanted you too'." her voice was quiet and slightly muffled, from where she effectively lay hidden at his side.  
  
"I – I really don't remember who I was shouting at or why, I don't even think there was anyone there." It was his turn to sigh. "I'm sorry I woke you." But Rinoa sat up at this so she could see his face.  
  
"You didn't. And I know who you were shouting at." He looked puzzled at this, so she elaborated. "You never saw Ellones letters when she handed then to Laguna and I'm guessing no names were given in the letter from your mother.".  
  
He shook his head, "No, she only mentioned that I should forgive her cousin for what he was going to do."  
  
"Then he would be Jaylen, the man who wrote to Ellone, well his wife wrote a couple of letters but he seemed to write all the ones that contained more information that she first noticed."  
  
"I don't understand though – why would I be so mad at him?" it was meant to be a rhetorical question but Rinoa had an answer.  
  
"Because in some ways he's the reason you were left alone in the first place, if he really was Raines cousin then he had plenty of motive to do what he did – your mothers condition was it hereditary?" she asked to clarify something that had been playing in her mind since knowing that a picture of Jaylens wedding was in Raines house.  
  
"Yeah." Squall told her. "But then how would they be cousins?"  
  
She had to think for a minute before the obvious reason popped into her tired brain. "He was a cousin on her father's side, he probably felt protective of her being her only relative and everything – his only link and then..." but she deliberately didn't finish, she didn't want him to hurt anymore.  
  
"My father and I came along and she died because of it." He sounded so... like he was blaming himself. _I though his mothers letter was supposed to stop that_.  
  
"That's not fair and not true! You know by your mothers own words that she loved you both and you know that she didn't regret any of the time she had with you." But squall was no longer looking at her, his eyes were clamped firmly shut and she knew why.  
  
"Oh Squall." She breathed before lowering herself into his arms and being taken slightly by surprise when he pulled her tight against him. "Just because of one mans stupid actions – Jaylen was a jerk, he didn't care about anyone but himself. Your mother loved you, your father does although he doesn't understand it yet and I love you. I love you so much Squall, you have nothing to be afraid of. Nothing." She just hoped he would believe her.  
  
Again - Sorry for the delay on this chapter but I've only got another couple of weeks of exams so I should be back to normal soon. As always constructive criticism and reviews welcome. 


	10. learning from the past

Disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy 8; it's the property of Squaresoft. No money has or will exchange hands. However all original characters and storylines are mine Thanx.  
  
Few, exams are over and I've managed to get another chapter done and it's a longer one than normal! yay! Thank you so much to all those who reviewed and wished me good luck in my exams. Here's the next chapter – it's back to everyone having their own little bits so enjoy.

* * *

From where they stood it was possible to make out the lay of the whole island and the roaming ocean before them. They were in the most perfect of surroundings; countryside lay all around them, as they'd made sure to set up camp out of sight of the village. It wasn't a deliberate attempt to forget, just a way to minimise the pain that Zell was feeling.  
  
"I can see why so many people lived here." Laurie commented as she made her way next to Zell with two steaming cups of coffee.  
  
"Yeah, must have been a really great place to raise a family." He replied downheartedly, taking the offered cup.  
  
She didn't really know what she should say to that, instead she took his free hand and squeezed it tightly.  
  
"Did you contact Garden to let them know we made it?" he asked by means of a way to change the subject.  
  
"Yeah, but I couldn't contact Quistis. Xu said she was sorting through some personal things so she ok'd it herself." Zell didn't need to guess why Quistis hadn't been there, everyone who'd seem their file was probably experiencing the same thing, himself included.  
  
"So, there's no immediate reason for us to go back? No evil we need to go and destroy?" he asked again before the silence dragged on for too long.  
  
"No, no rush. Infact she said, as long as we tell them we're going to be late, Xu doesn't mind if we stay a little longer than a week. It seems that everything at Balamb's really calm at the moment and with Squall away not much is happening" She explained leaning against him.  
  
Then after a moment she said, "Zell, when you mentioned us starting a family, were you serious?" Laurie's voice was hardly audible but Zell heard every word. He understood her trepidation though, it wasn't a subject they had talked about in much detail, even so he knew what he wanted.  
  
"Yeah, I'm serious about it. I've been thinking about it for a while now – seriously thinking about it, but I didn't want to push the subject if you weren't ready." She smiled and leaned up to kiss his tattoo affectionately.  
  
"Me too." She admitted. "I just needed to know how you felt, with everything that's been going on I guess I just needed to know that you meant it."  
  
Zell eyed his wife carefully, trying to read her expression. "Laurie..." he started as an idea started to form in his mind.  
  
"Oh no." she explained, her eyes suddenly getting larger, "I'm not saying I'm pregnant now. I'm just trying to say that I'd like to try for a baby and start our own family."  
  
"Me too." Zell said sincerely and took the last mouthful of his coffee before enveloping his wife into his arms.  
  
She accepted gratefully and squeezed him tight, marvelling at the utter gorgeousness of her husband on both the outside and the inside. He on the other hand was occupying himself with kissing her neck.  
  
"I didn't say _right_ now." Laurie teased, although her mind willed him on.  
  
"I – know – but – what's – the – harm – in a little – practice?" he breathed against her neck and Laurie laughed sending shivers through Zell as he continued his exploration of her throat.  
  
There was no way she was going to voice any more complaints, even when he picked her up and carried her towards their tent.

* * *

When Rinoa awoke the next morning it was with a mixture of contentment and concern. She still lay in Squalls arms with her head resting on his chest and he was thankfully, still asleep. He hadn't shouted in his sleep at all since she'd spoken to him and the look on his face was somewhat contented, but this didn't alleviate her concerns.  
  
However, at that moment the fact that she needed the bathroom was providing more of a problem for her and so carefully she slipped out of his arms and back on to her side of the bed. This of course left her with yet another problem – she couldn't leave him to wake up on his own, but then again she couldn't wait any longer for the bathroom.  
  
"Squall." She whispered, realising that he'd probably be happier if she told him what was going on.  
  
"Umm?" he mumbled, slowly opening his eyes, then trying to guard them against the morning sun.  
  
"I'm going to the bathroom, I'll be back in a minute." Rinoa whispered, kissing him gently before getting out of the bed and heading towards the door.  
  
"Ok." He called after her before rolling onto his side to watch her as she headed out the door onto the main corridor, their room wasn't en suit but there was a bathroom directly across the hall.  
  
And it seemed that even the short walk from one door to the other was filled with interruptions, well at least that was the way it appeared to Rinoa when she saw Kiros and ward running towards her.  
  
"Miss Heartilly." They called, making her suddenly very glad of the pyjama's she was wearing as apposed to the silk nightgown she had considered.  
  
"Good morning." Rinoa replied, looking at them both questioningly, she was sure they'd told her that where they were staying was closed off from the rest of the palace.  
  
Both older men stopped for a moment to catch their breaths and finally it was Kiros that spoke.  
  
"Laguna's had the upgrade on the Ragnarok finished overnight and is planning on going to Winhill this morning to apparently 'sort out' someone called Jaylen." He explained and he leaned against the wall for a few moments before continuing. "We thought we'd come and find you before he left so that Squall and yourself can at least go with him and stop him doing something he'll regret later."  
  
Her immediate thought was that any sort of physical harm that Laguna was going to cause Jaylen was probably well deserved, but then violence didn't really ever solve anything. And the slightly naughty part of her mind told her that Squall deserved to cause some damage to the man as well.  
  
Rinoa sighed and cast a longing glance at the bathroom door. "I'll get him and we'll be there as soon as we can." And then she added. "What about Ellone?" knowing that if they were going to head off to Winhill like this then she'd want to go too, if only so she could finally face the man who'd helped cause this mess.  
  
"We'll go and find her, but we need you and Squall at the air station as soon as possible." She nodded at the two men and took a moment to be thankful that at least Laguna did have friends to talk to, good and dedicated friends by the looks of things.  
  
"Thank you, and good luck." Kiros told her earnestly before he and ward turned and ran in the opposite direction, leaving Rinoa to run to the bathroom before telling Squall about what appeared to be his fathers attempt to deal with the current situation.

* * *

To say Squall had been less than happy at his 'fathers' latest idea was a dramatic understatement, and Rinoa didn't think she'd ever seen him get dressed so quickly. They'd ran most of the way out of the palace, only just having enough time to grab everything they had brought with them and something that passed for breakfast as well.  
  
"You'd think there would be some sort of warning before he goes running off." Squall commented angrily as they neared the air station.  
  
"There was, Kiros and ward remember?" Rinoa said, double stepping in order to keep up with him.  
  
"That's not what I meant."  
  
"I know but this is how he deals with things, he's impulsive and he probably thought he could get this over with before we even found out he was gone." He looked slightly confused by this, so she explained herself. "Squall it's only just gone seven AM, and even you don't get up this early when you're away from Garden."  
  
_Or when I am there_ he mentally corrected himself as he remembered all the late mornings in with her by his side.  
  
"Ok so maybe I should have said anytime." Rinoa remarked, complementing his thoughts exactly and looking at him as if to say, _I know this is hard, but you know I'll be here all the way_. To which he nodded and then stepped into the air station, taking a deep breath before he had to face his father.  
  
They both saw Laguna immediately as they walked in, he was arguing with one of the technicians in front of the Ragnarok.  
  
"As your president I order you to start up the engines and let me go!" but the technician firmly shook his head.  
  
"I can't sir, not without permission from the owner of the airship."

"WHAT!" Laguna shouted, exasperated.  
  
"Again I'm really sorry sir, but the Ragnarok doesn't belong to you, it's register under a mister Squall Leonhart and we can't do anything other than repair it without his consent." He looked thoroughly scared by the president's mood and before Laguna did anything stupid, well more so than he had attempted already, Squall spoke up.  
  
"He has my permission." This caused the other two men to turn in surprise. "Providing, that we accompany him." His voice had slipped into commander mode and neither man argued with him, infact Laguna didn't say a word.  
  
"Absolutely, she's already for you to come aboard. Is there going to be anyone else joining you?" the slightly relieved technician asked.  
  
"Ah yeah, my sister should be along in a few minutes." Squall answered, watching Laguna's reaction.  
  
"Right well you're all clear to go as soon as you're ready." He said and then he headed off to what Squall guessed to be the control room, which then left the three of them stood there in silence.  
  
Laguna watched his son, knowing that he should at least try and explain himself but what was he supposed to say? He really hadn't thought this through before hand – infact he hadn't done very much at all the previous night. Apparently though he didn't need to.  
  
"Did you think you could solve this mess without us?" Squall asked him looking somewhat annoyed, which for him was unusual.  
  
"I don't know... I just don't want you or Ellone to go through anymore. You've been through enough and I thought that this way at least I could fix things." The older man tried to explain but he had a feeling he was failing miserably.  
  
Squall sighed and looked briefly to Rinoa before saying something. "I understand what you're trying to do, but you can't leave us out of this we at least have a right to know what's going on and to be a part of it."  
  
"You get that from your mother." And despite his recent knowledge that comment startled Squall and he looked too baffled to respond, in fact Laguna could see his face redden a little. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... it's just that she always knew when I was being too impulsive, she would have been so proud of you."  
  
"Ah thanks." The younger man responded, taking hold of Rinoa's hand and holding it tightly for support, he didn't now why the comment had affected him so much, but he was happy that it had. "We should get on board." He added, "Ellone will be here in a minute and I want to make sure they haven't made any 'improvements' to the steering."  
  
Rinoa chuckled at Squalls side and he started to do the same, Laguna on the other hand looked quite left out so the young sorceress elaborated.  
  
"Selphie tried to improve the steering a couple of years ago – before you officially gave it to Squall, it was shortly afterwards that we realised the Ragnarok can also be used as a submarine."  
  
The older mans eyes widened. "What happened?" He asked, glad for the change of subject and to be let in on a private joke between his son and his girlfriend.  
  
"Me Squall, Zell and Laurie were stranded on an underwater reef just outside of Balamb for three days. It took seven specially designed SeeD ships and a group of technicians from Fisherman's Horizon to get us out. Needless to say Selphie hasn't been allowed to touch anything on board unless somebody's with her since."  
  
"Oh, well at least you got out ok." Laguna said shaking his head and chuckling a little as they made their way on board.  
  
"That reminds me." Rinoa started, but Squall caught her train of though before she had to explain further.  
  
"We'll pick them up on the way back to Balamb, they aren't expecting us for a couple of days anyway." Then he added, for the benefit of his father. "Selphie and Irvine are returning to Balamb Garden and we're taking them back when we've left here."  
  
"You might want to warn them that this could take a while." He said solemnly, but Squall understood. He was going to have to face the reason his life turned out the way it did and with that a way to forgive him, if only to honour his mothers memory.

* * *

"WHERE?" Fujin asked as she and Seifer made their way around the main corridors, she was referring to where he was heading with an extra breakfast, as they'd just come from the canteen.  
  
"To see a friend." He replied, his face nor voice giving anything away.  
  
"WHO?" his silver haired friend asked again, but Seifer refused to relent to the questioning.  
  
"A good friend. And don't you have somewhere to be?" he asked raising his voice and drawing the attention of a group of cadets passing them and then stopping at the sub corridor that lead to the dorms entrance.  
  
"RESISTANT!" she remarked, smirking and eyeing her friend carefully. "LEAVING!" Fujin added before Seifer said something else, and made her way towards the training centre.  
  
He made sure that he watched her until she was fully inside the centre just in case she decided to turn around and follow, it wasn't a deliberate attempt to hide the developments between himself and Quistis – he just didn't need the pressure from his 'posse'. Seifer wanted to explore their possible relationship before letting anyone know about what was happening between them.  
  
Idle gossip form his 'posse' or anyone else for that matter was the last thing he wanted to inflict on her. She deserved better.  
  
So when the coast was clear Seifer strolled down the corridor heading straight for her dorm, muffin and orange juice in hand – at least that way it wouldn't go cold. This was the third day in a row that he had done this and the second time that he had tried to get her to leave her room. The day before Quistis had refused point blank, too scared to face the people of Garden. It was as if she didn't think she had a right to and he didn't know how to show her that she did.  
  
He made three sharp raps on the door, this time without any sort of trepidation and waited for her to answer, hopefully in a better mood than the day before.  
  
"Give me a second." She replied, knowing exactly who it was by the butterflies that occupied her stomach. She fiddled with her hair in the mirror but in the end decided it was best left long so she walked across her room and opened the door.  
  
Seifer was stood there with his mouth half open, staring at her.  
  
"What?" she asked, pretending to be surprised by his reaction.  
  
"I take it that the pyjama look got boring then." He commented stepping into the room and handing her breakfast to her.  
  
"Yeah." And Quistis accepted the food, putting it on the dressing table while she went in search of her shoes.  
  
Seifer, intrigued by her rooting around the room, moved and sat on the edge of the bed. It took several minutes for her to find what she was looking for but eventually she hopped over to him whilst attempting to put her left shoe on at the same time.  
  
"I though you were supposed to be organised." He teased smiling at her efforts with the shoes.  
  
"I am, normally but these last few days I just seem to have lost track of everything." Quistis told him glaring at him and trying to make her hair stay behind her ears at the same time.  
  
"Including breakfast." He added, being as sarcastic as he could without laughing.  
  
"Nah there's no need to be organised when I get waited on every morning." Quistis countered before heading over to said breakfast and taking a bite of her muffin.  
  
"Yeah well enjoy it while it lasts. The cafeteria staff are starting to give me strange looks – it's as if I'm planning something and the last thing I need in twenty questions about a muffin and orange juice and their possible connections to a dark plot that I'm involved in!" Seifer complained and she laughed, offering him some of her orange, which he accepted.  
  
"So, are you here to make sure I actually leave my room and go to work?" Quistis asked, only half joking - she didn't really know if she could go by herself, it was a confidence issue and she knew it shouldn't matter – but it did.  
  
"Well I was thinking more alone the lines of going out and having some fun, but if you insist on going to work..." she eyed Seifer carefully as she took the carton back, as if judging his seriousness and intentions. Whatever it was that was going on between them neither had really given voice to, there had been comments made but nothing had been discussed – it just hadn't been the right time. It wasn't that Quistis minded that much but she wanted some sort of clarification before whatever they were doing went any further.  
  
"I haven't _insisted_ on going anywhere. I just figured that it would be the best thing to do. You might not have noticed Seifer but I'm not exactly the most sociable of people." It sounded light hearted enough but they both knew her comment meant more than that. She couldn't explain it, she missed him when he wasn't around and when he was she wanted to be as close to him as she could.  
  
"Well then miss Trepe, I'll have to help you there. You see I figure if Squall and Rinoa can just head off somewhere and the Dintchs can roam the Balamb hills to their hearts content, you can join me on my latest venture."  
  
And before Quistis knew what she was saying she answered, "OK."  
  
It was Seifer instead who looked stunned as the irony of their situation once again struck him; he had tried to kill her once, and now despite his best intentions, he wanted to bring her to Life.  
  
"Ah, if you were joking then – " she started to say, but he shook his head.  
  
"No, no I was absolutely serious." However she wasn't listening and carried on with what she was saying.  
  
"Because if you don't want me to go with you I understand."  
  
When it was clear that's he wasn't going to listen to him, Seifer stood up and walked over to her until they stood inches apart and looked straight into her deep blue eyes.  
  
"I want you with me and I want you 'with me'. Am I making any sense, or a complete fool of myself?" he asked, his heart pounding, he wasn't going to back down until he had an answer. If the only way to stop her insecurities was to be completely honest then he would do that.  
  
"You're no fool Seifer Almasy." She replied, hardly breathing, unable to take her eyes off him or even move.  
  
"Quistis." He whispered, running his fingers down her cheek and through her hair, sending shivers straight through her before pulling her towards him so that she stood in his arms.  
  
Locked in his gaze she swore she never wanted to leave, she could stay in the warmth forever and when he tipped his head down gently pressing his lips against her own she reacted with the same gentle pressure and held him close to her.  
  
The contact didn't last long and Quistis still couldn't move, lost in the feelings he invoked, feelings she'd never really experienced before.  
  
"Where are we going?" she breathed when she finally regained control of her body, her hand occupied itself with the hem of his shirt.  
  
"Ah over to Deling city, nothing too daring but there's something I need to do. Call it an annual excursion." He tried to make it sound like it was nothing but she eyed him carefully, the time they had spent together over the past couple of years had taught her to look beneath the surface of his comments.  
  
"Annual?" Quistis asked him when he tried to look away from her.  
  
"Yeah, every year since I left the orphanage I've gone to Deling city, bought four bunches of flowers and gone to the graveyard to pay my respects to my family." Again he refused to look at her, he wasn't at all comfortable discussing this but it didn't mean he didn't want to, he had to tell someone and she was the closet person to him, in more ways than one.  
  
"You never told me you had a family, you mentioned your parents the other day in my classroom but not brothers and sisters." She said quietly, looking up and trying to catch his attention.  
  
"I know, I just never know how to talk about it." Seifer told her, still visibly uncomfortable but he didn't move away and his arms were still around her. "I want to, it's just I never have and I get pissed off thinking about everything that happened to them – I don't want to inflict anymore of my anger on you."  
  
"It's all right you know, I can handle It." she told him and at last their eyes met again. "I've been handling it for more than a year." But he shook her head, pulling her against him once more.  
  
"That's not the point, you're not my shrink you're my... well your more than my friend but you know what I'm getting at. You might be able to handle it but I'm not comfortable with loosing my temper around you anymore – in case you haven't noticed."  
  
Quistis nodded against his chest and squeezed him a little tighter, "just tell me when you're ready." She reassured him, realising that it must be a lot more painful to have everything and then loose it rather than starting out with nothing and getting everything along the way.

* * *

With Ellone on board the Ragnarok had finally taken off and the course was set in for Winhill and they had three hours before they were due to arrive. Three hours, which to a very anxious Squall Leonhart felt like three years. Laguna sat near the rear of the bridge on the airship whilst he sat at the helm – in case manual control was needed.  
  
Rinoa and Ellone had headed off to prepare the crew cabins for the latter and her adopted father, which seemed a pointless exercise considering the village had a hotel but Laguna had insisted that they had an alternative place to stay. Which was probably because of the memories the place held.  
  
There was also the small matter of informing Selphie and Irvine to take care of, but that wouldn't take long and Squall was sure that they would both like a little longer to say goodbye to friends they had known for two years.  
  
He on the other hand, couldn't think of a thing to say to a man he should have known his whole life, when infact it had only been a few days since he'd learned the truth. Before that he'd simply been Laguna Loire, president of Esthar, now everything was completely different.  
  
"We always talked about having a family – including Ellone of course."  
  
Squall heard this but he did not turn around, he couldn't. Afraid that his eyes would betray his controlled exterior. This however, didn't seem to bother Laguna, who carried on regardless because he knew it needed to be said.  
  
"Well as soon as we were engaged anyway. Even at the slightest hint of children Raines eyes used to sparkle, and I could see what a wonderful mother she would have been to you in the way that she cared for Ellone." He sighed, "I just – "  
  
"Don't." Squall cut in, he couldn't stand to hear anymore about his father's regrets. "What's done is done. If you could have gone back, you would have right?" the question at the end marking his only sign of doubt.  
  
"YES!" came the loud and fast reply, the older man stood up but Squall didn't even turn around. "I loved Raine – I still do. I can't help but regret it because it's the first time I failed her and the first time I failed my son." He said, the emotions of his words ringing true in his voice.  
  
"Lag – look we had this conversation yesterday. You did what you had to do and probably even what you were meant to do." Then Squalls voice dropped so low it was hardly audible, "I don't blame you for that."  
  
"Then who do you blame?" the commander jumped ever so slightly at the sound directly behind him. He was trained to sense movement, but caught up in his own emotions and thoughts he didn't hear his fathers approach. Or maybe Laguna's military training had taught him something after all.  
  
"There's no one to blame." He answered bitterly, trying not to look at his father when he took the seat next to him.  
  
"Not even Jaylen?" Laguna asked quietly, making Squall look him right in the eyes.  
  
"Jaylen is to blame for trying to keep me a secret and I'll damn well make sure that he knows it. But if you're asking me who's to blame for you not getting back to Raine in time? Well then I can't give you an answer because I don't know. Maybe it's all Hynes doing – maybe it was just fate. All I know is we can't change the past, we can only influence the future by what we do in the present."  
  
Laguna just turned to look out of the glass at the view of changing landscapes as he considered his son's point. Squall was right and he knew it.  
  
"It's just that I ... I can't seem to move on. She was the one person I ever really imagined spending my life with – no one else affected me like she did and even Julia didn't come close to Raine. I miss her so much and I don't know what I'm supposed to do or who I'm supposed to be. Without her I've never known."  
  
His voice was so filled with sorrow that Squall didn't know what he was supposed to do, his father had lived out his first fear and it seemed that nothing could erase the pain he felt. Despite this though, something occurred to Squall, a point so obvious and yet something that needed to be communicated.  
  
"You're supposed to be exactly who you are." He said reassuringly, but the older man didn't seem to understand.  
  
"The president of Esthar? I don't do anything rather than hide from the rest of the world, sign a few papers and keep politically dangerous secrets. And I only do that because no one else will and it takes my mind off of everything else." He looked both exasperated and confused, he was pleading to be helped and to understand why his life had turned out the way it had.  
  
"That's not who I meant." Squall said, starting to sound defeated himself.  
  
"Then who?"  
  
"You're supposed to be exactly who you are, my father."

* * *

As always positive reviews and constructive criticisms are welcome. Thanx  
  
. 


	11. the truth will out

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with final fantasy 8; it's the property of Squaresoft. However all original characters and storylines are mine. Thanx  
  
Ok well here it is, the next chapter. Thanx sooo much to all those who've reviewed so far - you've all helped me to carry on writing so please continue – I value your comments.

* * *

"Since when do I have that right?" Laguna asked, silently praying to be told he wasn't a total screw-up.  
  
"Since you and my mother... ah." Squall tried to answer, despite appearances it was not meant to be a light-hearted comment or an attempt to lift the mood; it was just the only truth he could think of.  
  
"Oh please! You know how many 'fathers' there are out there who've abandoned women and their children!"  
  
The younger man took in a calm and controlled breath before he screamed at the man sat next to him, was he so blinded by guilt that he couldn't see what was going on?  
  
"They made that choice – you never did. The ONLY reason you left you wife was to save your adopted daughter and the ONLY reason you never raised me was because you didn't know I existed. Damn it would you stop wallowing in self pity and take a look at what you have got!" Squall yelled loosing his temper despite his best efforts as he glared at his father, this was hard for him to say and he just wanted a little help and an understanding about the subject.  
  
_'Damn those eyes'_ the thought flashed through Laguna's mind before he could stop it. He could never say no to them and he wonder vaguely if that was why Raine had passed them on to him, then he realised she'd given him something else as well. Part of her spirit resided inside Squall and with the words the young man had just spoken Laguna finally realised what they meant. He would never be without her and he would never be alone.  
  
"A son – a family, I have you... and Ellone." He sounded relieved and showed the first sign of happiness since all of this had begun.  
  
"Yeah." Squall nodded, relieved himself that he'd at last managed to get the message through so that they could start to talk properly and get to grips with the situation.  
  
He wasn't naïve about it either, this was going to be a long process and he knew that. It had taken him three years to fully open up to Rinoa – now he had to open up in a whole new way to completely different person.  
  
"Squall?" Laguna asked and the younger man turned in his chair to face him.  
  
"Yeah?" came the cautious reply as he studied his father.  
  
"When did you get so damn good at stuff like this?" and despite the fact that Squall didn't entirely agree with the question he decided to answer.  
  
"Practice."  
  
Laguna creased his forehead in confusion. "You've done this sort of thing before? How many fathers do you have?" it served as a way to lighten the mood as well as an actual question.  
  
Squall laughed slightly as he answered. "I'm Commander Leonhart remember? I have to deal with strange situations all the time and a lot of the cadets have pretty heavy histories. So that and Rinoa." Although it was clear from the way he said it that it was because of the latter that he was able to deal with the first.  
  
"You two really do love each other don't you." Laguna said, his voice softer than before.  
  
"Yeah we do." Squall spoke the words with a confidence of the heart; it was the only thing in the world and his life that he was certain of and the only thing he ever needed. To know that she loved him was, he had vowed, the only thing he would truly believe in with confidence. The last thing he ever wanted was to let her think he doubted her because he didn't – he loved and trusted her with everything that he was.  
  
"Then never let her go." His father told him solemnly, echoes of a lost past seeping through. It was his first piece of advice as a father and something he believed in with all his heart.  
  
"If I have any control over the rest of my life, I won't – I can't." and although the statement was absolutely true Squall wished that he hadn't sounded so determined, because now Laguna was going to start asking questions about a subject he hadn't mentioned to anyone.  
  
"How serious is it between you and Rinoa?" he asked, his tact surprising his son.  
  
"We've been living together for a year." But he knew that wasn't quite true and when Laguna sent him a knowing look he elaborated. "Actually, I don't think we've ever really lived apart – it's just that technically we've only lived in the same apartment for a year."  
  
Laguna sat back in his seat, "wow, Gardens kinda liberal letting two people just out of their teens live together." He remarked, then seeing the glare his son was sending him asked, "what?"  
  
"I became commander when I was seventeen." He explained, repressing the need to roll his eyes when his father spoke again.  
  
"Oh, yeah but don't they expect you to set an example?" and again Squall sent him a look – only this time it was more one of exasperation, he seemed to be fitting into his fatherly role quite quickly.  
  
"Anybody would think you had a problem with us living together." He stated calmly, half serious but with a glint of humour in his eyes.  
  
"I didn't – I don't" Laguna corrected himself, "it's just that I can't help worrying that you grew up too fast."  
  
Seeing the look on his fathers face he could see why this was so painful and why he really couldn't stop the regrets for long. Squall was thankful, that in the three years since GF use had been limited, that he'd regained memories of his childhood and learned that it wasn't as lonely as he'd first thought.  
  
"I didn't so don't worry, Edea and Cid let us grow up like most other kids – it was just that there was more of us. It was only really when I went to Garden that I 'grew up' as you put It." he spoke truthfully, knowing now that although parts of his childhood had been sad and lonely when Ellone left him, he had been happy too.  
  
"But still..." Laguna sighed, not wanting to voice or even think about any more regrets he had. Instead he asked something else. "What exactly are your intentions towards Rinoa then?" this prompted the young mans cheek to go red and he looked away, his father knew then that he'd hit on a nerve.  
  
"You sound like Caraway." He commented nervous at how close to a secret he'd been keeping that this line of questioning was getting.  
  
"He's already asked you that?" his father asked surprised.  
  
"Yeah, three years ago when Rin told him she wasn't going back to Deling and that she was going to live at Garden." Squall replied, visually cringing at the memory of his visit. He didn't like being talked down to like some sort of criminal and he hated the way caraway had spoken to Rinoa – it had left him in no doubt as to why she'd left her home in Deling.  
  
"What did you tell him?"  
  
This time Squall almost sniggered when he answered, "that whatever my intentions were, they were far better than his ever could be."  
  
The comment made Laguna wince, "That's a bit harsh isn't it?" but Squall raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Put it this way, WE have a better relationship than Rinoa and her father, not that she hasn't tried. He's just got no trust in her at all – thinks she's weak when she isn't. It took her a while to realise just how strong she is." By the way he spoke about her it was easy for Laguna to see just how much his son loved the young sorceress.  
  
"You know, they might still work things out." He said hopefully.  
  
But Squall shook his head. "No, I don't think they will. Not after Rinoa found out he turned her cousin away when she became an orphan." He explained, being careful to leave out any names, as it wasn't his place to say anything.  
  
His father seemed to take the hint for once and went back to his main point.  
  
"So, what are your intentions?"

* * *

"You know, I don't think I'm ever going to like this city." Quistis remarked as they drove down past caraway mansion in her car.  
  
Seifer chuckled and looped his arm around her shoulders; she sent him a startled glance out of the corner of her eye because of the contact.  
  
"If you're not comfortable?" he asked, not wanting to go too far, or infact to distract her from driving. He just wasn't used to respecting boundaries – he acted on his instincts instead of thinking, it was a problem that she'd helped him to make some progress with. But sometimes he couldn't help it and still acted on impulse.  
  
"No it's fine. I'm just not used to it." she told him as they turned the corner. "Seifer, where are we going to stay?"  
  
"Oh, I forgot to mention that didn't I?" and when she nodded he continued, "I rang the hotel here while you were getting packed. The good news is that you get to choose from three beds in the room – the bad news if that I get one of the other two."  
  
Quistis shrugged. "As long as you don't snore it's fine and it's not like we haven't shared a room before anyway." She teased.  
  
"Oh come on, we were seven years old and it was only because you were scared by one of the horror storied me and Irvine told you!" Seifer retorted as they neared the hotel.  
  
"It was scary! I spent the next week terrified that those men wearing the white cloaks would come and destroy the orphanage!" she told him as seriously as she could manage.  
  
He was laughing at her side, "Yeah but you're still here – infact _we are_ here." He told her and she pulled drove the car round to the car park at the side of the hotel.  
  
Seifer got out first and took both overnight bags from the trunk while Quistis locked the car up. Deling city had always looked like a beautiful and vibrant city but to Seifer the place left a lingering feeling of unease that he knew had more cause than just the fateful parade three years ago.  
  
"Hey you ok?" a soft voice asked at his side, his silence and the pain she sensed in him concerned her – even though he tried to hide it she could see right through him.  
  
"Yeah, let's just get inside ok?" And she nodded, reaching to take her own bag. At first he tried to protest but gave in when she glared and then took her offered hand when he realised that was all she wanted to do all along. This wasn't going to be easy – no matter how many times he'd done it, but at least this time he would have someone he trusted with him.

* * *

"So what were you thinking of?" Laguna asked an increasingly uncomfortable Squall.  
  
"I, well... um." He sighed, he was aware that most people found this a hard subject to talk about but he just seemed to find it almost impossible. "Well I was –" but the sound of the elevator put an end to Squalls attempt at speaking as Rinoa and Ellone came into view.  
  
His sister looked visibly nervous and a little afraid. She and Laguna hadn't spoken since the night before; Ellone had even ignored him when she'd boarded the Ragnarok earlier.  
  
The silence that fell became awkward quickly so Rinoa chose to speak, it seemed that she always broke silences first, she couldn't put her finger on it but she had always hate them.  
  
"I contacted Selphie and Irvine, they said it's fine and just to let them know when we're ready. She also said that all the paper work and security stuff has been sorted out by Xu."  
  
Squall nodded and motioned for her to walk over, he also sent his father a meaningful stare which told him two things; _'do not bring up the conversation we've just had and go reassure your daughter'.  
_  
Reluctantly the other man nodded and stood up, choosing to be far more interested in the hem of his shirtsleeve than Ellone. He it seemed was just as anxious. But when he reached the lift and looked up just enough to see how worried she looked he opened out his arms and held her tightly.  
  
"I'm sorry Elle, I just couldn't deal with this yesterday – not that I'm must better today. I always knew Raines cousin was a jerk but... it doesn't matter, I'm sorry." She just nodded against his chest and held on tight.  
  
Rinoa and Squall just looked at each other, checking that everything was ok, then she sat on his lap – without protest and leaned her head on his shoulder.  
  
"You're still tired aren't you?" he asked softly, placing his arms around her and weaving his fingers together so that he held her securely.  
  
"Um hum, but I'll be fine, you're the one who should be tired though – you were up nearly every hour last night." she replied some what sleepily.  
  
"Yeah but you must have been awake for while to hear what I was saying in my sleep." He told her; unable to stop a smile from forming when she nuzzled against his neck and mumbling a completely inaudible reply against his skin.  
  
Rinoa knew she could have fallen asleep right then and there, there was no place in the world she would rather be. But she was also there for far less selfish reasons, she wanted him to find the same comfort she did and to find peace before they landed.  
  
"Rin, we're almost there." Squall told her, glancing at the auto navigation control screen. He sounded so unsure of himself.  
  
"It'll be ok." She reassured looping her own arms around him placing a gentle kiss on his neck.  
  
"Yeah maybe. But can I ask you to do something for me?" he asked her and by his tone she couldn't make out whether he was serious or not.  
  
"Sure, anything." She said, turning in his lap so that she could see his face.  
  
"Keep hold of my Gunblade." At this Rinoa blinked several times until what he'd asked her sank in properly.  
  
"Your serious aren't you?" she asked, her eyes wide at the thought.  
  
"Yeah." He sighed resting his head against hers. "Will you take it?"  
  
Rinoa thought about it for a second, then smiled knowing that Squall could probably do enough damage with his fists if he really wanted to, but she also knew that he wouldn't use his Gunblade – even if he did take it with him.  
  
"But you probably won't even touch it – you've got more self control than that." She told him. But to her surprise he shook his head.  
  
"You didn't see what I nearly did when Seifer showed his face at Garden after the whole Ultimicia ordeal." His eyes were serious, so she eventually nodded.  
  
"Alright I'll take it, but you'll have to tell me what you nearly did, which I'm guessing is the whole incident I missed when I went to Trabia to say goodbye to Selphie and the one no one will talk about." Squall nodded against her head.  
  
"Does this mean we have to disarm your father as well?" Squall furrowed his brows, internally thankful for her change of conversation but confused by what she said. "He's brought his machine gun with him, Ellone and me found it when we were in the briefing room before." Rinoa elaborated sounding somewhat mischievous.  
  
"Is it loaded?" Squall asked surprised, almost the entire area around Winhill had been cleared of monsters for about ten miles in each direction – there were no need for weapons. The only reason that he and Rinoa carried theirs was that Trabia and other places in the world were still full of them. Plus Squall was Rinoa's knight and there was no way he was going anywhere completely unarmed – hence the reason he wanted her to carry his Gunblade with her.  
  
"Not anymore, Ellone saw to that – although I think he could still fire it if he wanted to – he's got a couple more bullet cartridges in his jacket, I saw them when we first boarded." And she winked as Laguna and Ellone came over.  
  
"We land in about ten minutes." Squall told them changing the mood completely. This was it and they all knew it. Now the past would be faced and dealt with.

* * *

"So, what did they say?" Irvine asked as he slid his arm around his girlfriend's shoulders, they were walking towards Trabias ballroom.  
  
"That it could take them a couple of days." Selphie sighed and looked up into the cowboy's eyes for comfort. "I think that something's going on, Ellone was with Rinoa." She told him, obviously worried about their friends.  
  
"Maybe she has a file or Squall just needed to talk to her, you saw the way he was when he was here. And these files are affecting all of us, just give him some time Selphie and he'll be fine." And she might have believed him if she didn't know him as well as she did.  
  
"Irvine, what's in your file? What won't you tell me?" she asked, stopping just inside of the marble entrance.  
  
"Nothin darlin'." But even he knew she wouldn't fall for that, she was too intuitive and could always sense when someone was hurting.  
  
"Hey, look at me." She prodded, leading him further onto the elegant ballroom. "It's ok, you can tell me Irvy."  
  
"I don't... I don't know if I can just go ahead an say it – this ain't pretty, as I've already told ya." He tried to explain as the words of his file entered his mind, he didn't want to know about any of it himself, let alone tell Selphie.  
  
It seemed however that his girlfriend had other ideas, "I've seen and heard a lot – I've seen some of my closest friends being attacked and I've witnessed the greatest evil the world has ever known. But it's more than that, Irvine I love you and I want to help you." she pleaded, her eyes wide and searching his own.  
  
"Alright." Then he took her hand, "but do you really want to talk about it here?" he asked, aware of how empty the place was, it wasn't as though anyone would interrupt them though as hardly anyone went there.  
  
"Yes, come on sit down." She told him and he gave her a look.  
  
"We're in the middle of the ballroom Sephie." The cowboy told her, scanning the area even when she pulled him down to the polished marble floor.  
  
"It doesn't matter, now come on what happened to you and your parents? I've never seen you this agitated or upset." Selphie asked him from where she sat just in front of him, legs crossed in her jeans and yellow t-shirt.  
  
He settled across from her with his feet on the ground and his elbows rested on his knees, he removed his hat from his head letting his golden hair show and then looked to Selphie. It was inevitable that he'd have to go through all the details, no matter how painful.  
  
"My parents had settled in a small town outside Deling a couple of years before the first sorceress war, my dad worked the land and my mom worked in the local shop. I don't know much about their lives until the incident with the hospital an that's just..." he paused and squeezed the bridge of his nose. "There was a siege of the hospital, military forces stormed the place because of _enemy sympathisers_ that were inside – only there wasn't."  
  
"They didn't take that as an answer though did they?" Selphie asked him, concerned at how he was taking this.  
  
"No." Irvine shook his head. "And it's a little more complicated than that. The army were the sorceress's elite forces that had been sent to make a stand in Galbadia – their biggest enemy, all that sympathiser business was just a ploy."  
  
The brunette knew where this was heading and she shuddered. "But it was a hospital." She whispered.  
  
"It didn't stop them, fist they slaughtered everyone that they could find. I don't know all the details and I don't want to. It was plane and simple murder." His angry words scared Selphie as he wore the look he did in battle.  
  
"Irvy?" she asked gently, but his eyes didn't soften.  
  
"The bastards would have murdered my parents as well but my mom managed to get through to whatever sense of decency that they had to let me live." He looked visibly sick. "She was still pregnant so the bastards said that she and my father could stay alive until I was born, AND even that was only done because of the actual Galbadian military pressure."  
  
But frustrated by the situation he hastily stood up and walked away, Selphie didn't leave it very long before she followed him.  
  
"Irvine?" But he didn't turn around or stop walking away. "Irvine." She said a little louder, but still he didn't stop and in the silence of the ballroom she could only hear the sounds of their echoing footsteps. It came as some sort of relief because at least she knew he wasn't crying, but his behaviour worried her – she had never seen him like this. "Irvine you're scaring me." She warned truthfully.  
  
And it was that comment that brought him to a complete halt. He turned then and faced her with the full force of his anger and sorrow staring her in the eyes; she was still scared by it but didn't move from his gaze.  
  
"They kept just enough nurses and a doctor alive until I was born, then they killed them all – letting me go free as some sort of good will gesture." He yelled, angry words resonating with their surroundings. "A good will gesture! They let me go because of that!"  
  
But Selphie couldn't stand it any longer; she ran the sort distance to him and threw her arms around him. Holding him as tightly as she could until he did the same to her and stopped shaking. Irvine didn't deserve to be in that much pain – this wasn't his fault.

* * *

Winhill was still a quiet town hidden away on the southern part of the Galbadian continent and despite expansions in it's size and population it still seemed too close knit for comfort.  
  
The village should have been their home, where they'd lived out the rest of their lives in peaceful harmony. Now it was just an embodiment of all Laguna had lost and a cruel reminder of the secret hidden within, a secret who's perpetrator was in for a rather unpleasant visit.  
  
In an effort to calm both men down to a reasonable level, Rinoa and Ellone had made the decision to go in through the 'top' end of the village near the pub and luckily for them there were enough people around to prevent the men from running all of the way down to the shop.  
  
As Squall had requested, Rinoa carried his Gunblade on his holster that had been adjusted so that she wore it across her back, this was she could walk without worrying about it trailing the ground. Squall himself walked at her side with his fists clenched and she could sense his unease.  
  
But despite the prolonged journey and several chocobos running across their path, the four finally made it to the village shop.  
  
"We'll be outside." Rinoa said quietly, Ellone nodded her agreement at this but looked to her father and brother.  
  
"Be careful please." She warned and both acknowledged her before entering the building.  
  
Once inside Laguna had chosen to look to the wall so that Jaylen wouldn't recognise him – it was something that he and Squall had discussed when they were on the Ragnarok before they landed.  
  
The shop was empty so Squall banged on the counter a few times, his anger boiling to the surface. The seconds it took the man to enter the shop felt like hours but he eventually showed himself.  
  
"Hi, are you Jaylen?" the commander asked, keeping his cool and looking into the eyes of the man who had nearly taken his happiness away forever.  
  
"Ah yeah, may I ask who you are." the greying man asked, searching Squall with his stealy gaze as if he was the one who had done something wrong.  
  
Anger bubbled and rose in the young man and his clenched fists tightened to the point that his bones were clearly visible around his knuckles.  
  
"My name is Squall Leonhart. I'm Raines son - the boy who you didn't see fit to call family and the boy YOU sent away." he growled not taking his eyes off the man for a second.  
  
"What?" he muttered suddenly loosing all colour in his face and stepping back.  
  
"Your heard him Jaylen." Laguna said, turning to look the man in the face for the first time. "He's my son."

* * *

I know it's abit of a clifhanger end but i wanted to put this chapter up before i go on holiday so that i can put the next one up when i come back. As always, positive reviews and constructive critism is welcome. thanx 


	12. confrontations

Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with final fantasy 8; it's the property of Squaresoft. However all original characters and storylines are mine. Thanx

Ok so here's the next chapter and I apologise for the way the last chapter ended – I don't like cliff-hangers myself but I didn't think that one was too bad (in relation to ones that I've read before). Anyway, here it is so enjoy.

* * *

"That's not... I just..." but Jaylens stuttering soon stopped and he became calm and serious. "He's _your _son? What right do you have to call him that? You left my cousin – your wife and you expect to still have claim on him?" he spat, his glare focused on Laguna.

"I left to save my daughter – and for your information, I didn't know Raine was pregnant." He countered. "And since when do I have to explain my self to you anyway?"

The man behind the counter actually laughed, further infuriating Squall, his patience was being pushed far further than Seifer had ever attempted and he knew he'd lash out soon. His father on the other hand seemed to be keeping his cool, if only on the outside as he said everything that needed to be said without lunging and causing sever damage to Jaylen.

"Since you married into my family and then abandoned It." he said leaning his fists into the counters service.

"I'm sorry, I don't ever remember being invited into the family – you shunned me and Raine when we married and you did you best to keep my son from me and the _family_." Laguna's sarcasm seemed to provoke the older man.

"You didn't have the right, I couldn't risk you messing up the boy." Venom flowed from his tongue, Venom that seemed to hit Laguna directly because this time he nearly lost it.

"I didn't have the right? YOU took my rights away, the right to hold my newborn son, to see his first smile, hear his first words and take his fist steps. How would that be messing him up?"

Squall, who stood as a silent witness to the argument unfolding in front of him could actually see the tears forming in Laguna's eyes and the pain that dug a little deeper every time he had to speak about the past. He hadn't really faced it until now and in doing so was uncovering a wound that in twenty years had stayed just that – covered by a life in a sparkling desert city it hadn't had the chance to heal. Until now.

"Because NO child deserves to be raised by the man who killed his mother." Jaylen spat back with rage burning through his glare.

Squall lost his temper in that moment as something within him snapped, so with a swift yet powerful motion he brought his fist into contact with the oldest mans face. A sharp crack followed, but it wasn't the sound of his nose or jaw breaking, instead it appeared to be the chair next to Jaylen falling as he fell backwards at the impact.

Laguna couldn't speak, he looked visibly sick and at a loss over what to do or say. He couldn't run but neither could he defend himself like his son had just done, he wanted to scream and to cry that it wasn't his fault so that the whole world would let him be. Sadly though, he knew that this man in front of him would never let that happen.

"When Raines mother died" the shop keeper continued, regardless of any injury he might have sustained, "her father had already been killed in battle. I was seven years old at the time and I witnessed my aunt's breakdown and eventual demise at the hands of the man she had married. My father, her husband's brother took her in out of guilt and remorse and so I grew up with her. She was as close to me as any sister I could have had." He paused briefly before his spiteful words continued. "I promised my parents that I would look after her, make sure she was happy and that she was saved from the fate of her mother. BUT YOU wouldn't leave well alone! Traveller from another land, I could see what you would do to her even before –"

"I LOVED HER!" Laguna shouted back, tears coming to his eyes as he ran at the counter.

"So? We all did and WE were the ones who picked up the pieces when you left – no matter the reason. Even when you found Ellone you didn't return." Jaylen countered, completely unfazed by the other mans reaction.

"You have no idea." Laguna muttered sadly, turning as if to leave the shop. He'd had enough and seeing that no answer would really be found there he wanted to leave. There was no way, it seemed to make the man see reason – he was consumed by his own staunch belief that he'd done the right thing to see that he hadn't.

Obviously disappointed in the way this confrontation was turning out, Jaylen shouted at the retreating man, ignoring Squall in the process.

"What the hell are you talking about? What could be more important than her?" he yelled.

And when he turned around, Laguna had some of his resolve back in him; his son knew then that he'd finally come to some sort of resolution.

"You wouldn't _be_ here if I'd come back any sooner, you'd have been tortured by the most evil force the world and in fact time has ever seen." The president spoke calmly and clearly, letting the other man have some clue as to what he was doing when he was away for so long.

"And you expect me to believe that?" came the sarcastic, yet slightly baffled taunt.

Father and son both looked at each other and nodded, squall choosing to speak what they were both thinking.

"Whether you like it or not your alive because of what my father did – we all are. That doesn't mean that he didn't love my mother. And just so you know, her condition was hereditary and had he known about it my father would have been able to send medical help that could probably have saved her life." He looked towards Laguna when he said the last part, showing him that he knew how hard he would have tried to save his wife if he'd been given half a chance.

"Yeah like that could happen." Jaylen remarked, however, no longer intimidated by his the two other men laughed and again shared a knowing glance, deciding to set him straight on something – without giving their secret away.

"Oh you wouldn't believe what's out there, or why all the monsters around here have now disappeared – you wouldn't understand why you're still alive." The Estharian president told him.

"You see the trouble is, looks can be deceiving and you don't really know who you screwed around with. You underestimated us." Squall continued for his father, "Or who we have connections with." And he followed Laguna to the door.

But as he reached for the handle to follow his father, something from his mother's letter struck him and he turned to face the now silent and pale shop owner.

"My mother wanted me to forgive you, she said that you were only doing what you thought was right and I actually believe now that in you deluded and obsessive mind that you were, so I forgive your ignorance. But don't think I will ever forgive the lies you sent to my sister or the way you treated us today – she never asked me to do that." He spoke his words with a harshness that he was sure scared the shop owner and he didn't even feel a little sorry, he never wanted to see this guy again – he just wanted to tell him what he though of him before he put him out of his mind forever.

"I also think that you know or did something else all those years ago and I just hope that you can live with yourself." Then he stepped closer, "for your sake, I hope that neither me or my father find out about it." then he turned and moved swiftly through the door, throwing a "Goodbye Jaylen." Behind him as the door slammed shut.

Rinoa met squalls eyes as soon as he walked out the door, he looked far more at ease than he had done when he walked in and his fists were no longer clenched. She stood up and walked straight into his open arms, holding on tightly.

It was only then that she realised he was shaking, probably with nervous relief so she held on until he stopped, even then she looked up at him just to make sure he really was ok.

"I'm fine, my fathers fine, it's all over Rin, this whole mess is over." He told her softly and she reached up to kiss him before snuggling against him once more, realising that she felt just as relieved as she relaxed into his arms.

* * *

On a hillside covered by the vines of time, behind a village forgotten in only twenty years, a quiet graveyard resides. It was in this place that Zell and Laurie found themselves, stood hand in hand reading the inscriptions on two stones placed next to each other.

The sight provided no comfort or pain, just the final place they have to visit before they return to their normal lives with the knowledge of how Zells began.

It astounded him how young they were when they had died and how much they'd been denied as a result of that. He didn't really think about himself because he couldn't really imagine his life any other way, almost like he was a separate entity to them or someone who had come across their tragic story. They'd lost their lives and a chance of a proper family in a time that although he belonged to he knew nothing about.

Laurie at his side was strangely shaken by the writings carved into the stone, Zells parents were only three years older than they were now and their lives had ended. The very thought of leaving a baby behind when it was still so vulnerable chilled her to the bone. Infact it scared her so much that if it wasn't for her friends and family her decision to have children would have been very different.

Her husband's silence showed so of his own fears, ones that she only knew to look for in his normally hansom but now tensed and strained features.

"At least for a little while they were happy." She told him, trying to sound respectful and at the same time keep the mood from becoming too solemn.

"Yeah, they were." He sighed looking away. "But they lived in a different time." And he pulled her gently along as he walked away.

"Zell?" she asked, stumbling over the remains of a wall and then pulling him to a halt. "What's wrong?" his behaviour was beginning to really worry her.

"I'm fine, I just don't like graveyards, I know my parents aren't there so I don't exactly see what can be gained from It." he told her quietly.

"That's alright." Laurie reassured, although she knew it wasn't – not yet anyway.

Zell still hadn't moved and wasn't looking at her; he couldn't look behind him again – it was like staring at his own grave. Without even knowing he had walked in his fathers footsteps – at least with regards to his personal life. The photo album that Laurie had found detailed his parent's courtship. They had met, fallen in love and married within eighteen months; he had followed not long after that. His father had died shortly after he had been born, only to loose his mother a year after.

He didn't want that to be him – he didn't want to leave his wife and child behind.

Deciding that she needed to say something Laurie took a not so wild stab in the dark.

"You're scared too aren't you." and she watched his entire body tense when she spoke. "It seems to be ok when you don't know your past or what went before you. But when you do and it seems too close to what you've done in your own life the same end just seems inevitable." Laurie really wasn't one for long speeches, which was why she'd ended up in the library in the first place, but when it was something she believed in she always spoke her mind – despite her own fears.

Especially when someone she cared about needed to hear it.

"Fear is what makes us human and what keeps us alive, without it people would walk up to a Malabora without hesitation and probably end up dead." This Zell actually chuckled at. "But you can't let it control you. You should always look for the positive in every situation – here you discovered a past and a family that brought you into this world and filed a gap that would always have been left. You have the answers now and you can move on, learn from the past and embrace the future." She concluded bravely.

"How do you do that?" he asked her and she just shrugged, then realising that he couldn't see her decided to answer verbally.

"You just live your life knowing what you know but remembering that you are different and can change the ending."

"Laurie Marie Dintch, you are amazing." He told her, gently pulling her hand so that she stood at his side.

"You too." She responded, leaning against him.

He chuckled and released her hand, slipping an arm around her shoulders and walking with her back towards the main village and eventually to where they'd set up camp.

"Let's go home, I think I want to see Ma and everyone at Garden again." And she nodded in response, her head rubbing against his arm.

"I think I'll call Mum and Dad too and check on life in Dollet." Laurie told him, taking in the felling of being in his arms, it was a feeling that never lost it's potency.

"You wanna visit them?" he asked, remembering the time they had left before they were due back in Balamb.

"Yeah, but for now I just want to go home." And understanding her point Zell lead her over two broken walls and past his old house, stopping once to acknowledge the past and then waking with his wife towards their future.

* * *

The room was pretty much what she'd expected; only instead of three beds there was two and a sofa.

"Ok so there's only two beds to choose from, I lied." Seifer told her and he could hear her laughter from the bathroom.

"That's ok, you can sleep on the couch." Quistis remarked stepping out of the bathroom and dropping down onto the bed in between another and the sofa.

"What?" Seifer asked her, marching over to the bed and towering above her with his arms folded and icy stare present.

"Well I was thinking of pulling these two beds together later so that way I can have more room and you get the couch." She responded not backing down, if this was some sort of game it wasn't in her nature to loose to him. Plus it doubled as a distraction for the painful memories that he was going to face in a little while.

"Really?" he teased, reaching down and placing his hands on her hips.

Quistis raised her eyebrows, "What do you think you're doing?" she asked in her best instructor voice.

His eyes twinkled. "Trying to see if the infamous Quistis Trepe is ticklish." He replied before his fingers started to roam and set off a fit of giggles in Quistis, who the surprised Seifer by ducking out of his way and sliding off the bed.

"Ooh that's not fair Almasy, now I'll have to sort my hair again before we leave." She told him, now looking down at him and resisting the urge to lean down and kiss his tempting mouth or let him carry on his previous activities.

His mood suddenly changed and he flopped down onto the bed. "Yeah, that."

Deciding that her hair was all right the way it was she came to sit at his side. "Seifer what actually happened and why is it that you suddenly don't want to go? Did you just say that so I would-" the though came to her as she was speaking and she regretting voicing it as soon as the words left her lips.

"Hell No, give me some credit Quistis – I've all ready spent most of the last two days in your room, what makes you think I would bring you all the way here just to try it on?" he complained, sitting up and glaring at her.

"I'm sorry, it just slipped out – I didn't mean it to sound like that." She defended, trying her best to apologise for her verbal and mental slip.

Seifer laughed, "It's ok, I think I deserve it. What with my reputation and everything." His joke provoked a comeback from Quistis.

"I don't remember your reputation having _anything_ to do with hotel rooms – park bench and hood of car yes, hotel rooms no." she informed smiling at the way his cheeks went several shades of red.

"How do you know that?" he asked, more embarrassed that she knew about his past experiences than the actual experiences themselves.

Her smile turned devious and she leaned in closer to him, "The Trepies are everywhere and they know everything." She told him kissing him lightly and then standing up to head for the door.

He stayed put for a couple of seconds as he considered just how they knew – had they been spying on him? Would they continue to do so? Not pleasant thoughts and good reasons not to hurt Quistis in any way – not that he would have, he just had even more incentive to be good, well as good as Seifer Almasy could be.

* * *

"I was four years old when it all happened, I was the second youngest in my family with two sisters, one younger and one older. Anyway, we lived on the outskirts of the city – well at least it was at that time, the place doesn't exist anymore as the government demolished it when they de contaminated the area." He started to explain, sitting on the bench across from the memorial in Deiling's cemetery with a bunch of flowers in his hand, the other three on the floor in front of him.

Quistis sat at his side, listening carefully to what he told her, she hadn't really asked him to tell her this time, he had just decided to talk about it.

"I'd gone off with my grandfather to do some fishing in Balamb – it was a special treat for my birthday two weeks before. My grandfather insisted it was a guy thing and my sisters weren't too fond of fishing so they stayed at home with my parents, well Lissie was too small to know what it was – she just agreed with her sister." He continued and it seemed to Quistis that he was reliving the past as he spoke about it. She felt at a loss about what to do so she rested her hand on his leg.

Seifer looked at her briefly and smiled before he continued, "The Galbadian government were testing a weapon that they thought would destroy Esthar and the threat from the sorceress, only as most things they tried it didn't quite go to plan and the f – it went off. But this wasn't your usual type of weapon, this thing was invisible and undetectable, it damaged no buildings or wiped out any power source – they didn't even know they'd been affected." Anger started to burn in his eyes and she could feel him tense up, she didn't back down though and her hand stayed put.

"The government didn't say anything- didn't let on that their weapon had been set off in their own country, they just made up some lie about a pollutant in the water when people started to die. I had to watch my family die one by one when I came home and it wasn't quick or painless – they died slowly. First Lissie, then Teá, then my parents but not me – I was fine and I hated myself for It." he was fighting within him self not to scream or lash out like he wanted to.

"It wasn't your fault Seifer." Quistis told him a she edged closer to him on the bench.

"I know but it doesn't change what happened to them or me. I can remember them clearing the area, demolishing it and bringing in contamination controllers, my grandfather died soon after he was forced to move away from his home so I had no where to go – it's how I ended up at the orphanage." He sighed, "I was bitter and hurting and I missed my family, but with time I learned how to get by and I actually think I was happy at the orphanage with you and everybody else – when I wasn't picking on chicken wuss or puberty boy. But when I saw Garden it seemed the perfect way to exact revenge, that's why I was so hot headed on the Dollet mission – I still blamed them for what they had taken away from me."

Sitting there watching him, something struck the instructor that she wanted to ask him about, something that had never really been explained.

"Then why did you join forces with Ultimicia? She was working with the Galbadians, not against them – at least at first and I know that she possessed you but that wasn't until later on." She asked tentatively and a little afraid of the answer he would give her.

He considered the question, knowing that if it hadn't come up then it would be later on and that it needed an answer, one that at least someone would understand.

"Because she promised me revenge on Galbadia and the memories of my family that time and GF's had stolen from me. I wanted so much to see them again and to remember being part of their family, Ultimicia took advantage of that." He told her quietly.

And after a few seconds of silence he stood, taking her hand and giving her the silent permission to do the same. Then he released her hand, picked up the other bunches of flowers and walked to the monument in front of them. He placed them down amongst the others that lay at the base and stood to do what he'd done several years before, trace the names of his family.

Keeping a small distance behind him Quistis watched his actions and her heart went out to him, she now understood more about who he was and why he had done what he'd done in his life, pain seemed to shape and twist him but it wasn't who he was. If he truly was consumed by his anger then he never would have been able to show remorse or do what he was doing now, they were all only human no matter what had happened to them and she wished that others would be more understanding of him.

He was one of the bravest people she had ever met.

* * *

"Well did Laguna shoot him?" Rinoa asked, humour playing in her eyes from where she sat across the table from Squall in Raines old pub. "Only me and Ellone couldn't really make out any gunshots." She added before taking another sip of her coke.

Squall chuckled, "No, he didn't do anything like that." Then when she gave him a look that told him she knew he was hiding something he added, "But I hit him kinda hard."

She nearly spat out her drink laughing and then, just in case it was a touchy subject she covered her mouth and tried to look serious. She failed but Squall didn't seem to mind.

"It is kind of funny when you think about it, I mean Lag – my father just stood there and watched me. It must be the political training he has or something."

Rinoa laughed again, managing to talk through it, "Political training? Are you kidding? Or just going mad or something?" she asked, looking into his now fun filled grey eyes.

"No, I'm about as sane as I ever was. Jaylen on the other hand... there's something wrong with him and the way he went on about my mother... it's almost like he was in love with her or something." He told her and then shook his head at the thought.

She wrinkled her nose, "I wouldn't put it past him and it would certainly explain his hatred of Laguna. But I can't help thinking that there's something else – I just get this feeling that I can't pin down, could be my powers or something. I don't know." She tried to explain

"Like we're not being told everything?" he suggested, relived that he wasn't the only one to pick up on it. "But whatever it is... I don't want to know, I've already nearly killed Seifer – I don't think I'd have the restraint to back away again."

"Squall?" Rinoa asked, wanting to finally be told what she had missed but he just gave her a teasing look, he wasn't going to tell her just yet and she knew it.

* * *

He hadn't looked in the box for twenty years, although he hadn't gone a single day without thinking what was inside or his part in it. So carefully he opened it and pulled out a small faded white envelope, he didn't know what had made him keep it – perhaps a way of proving to himself that he'd done the right thing or maybe because it was hers.

"_Jaylen, those people, the ones I watched return Ellone this from my window. Can you ask them to take a letter back to Laguna?" Raine voice sounded pained and far away, she was weak and probably only a few days from labour._

"_Why?"_

"_Because they're from Esthar and they're more advanced than we are here, Laguna... he could get help." She wheezed and then pushed her cousins offered hand of help away when she tried to sit up._

"_No, why do you want help from him? He left you here alone." He protested, "he's no good Raine, you don't need him." _

_But she shook her head in defiance. "I love him Jaylen, he's my husband and if there is anyway of reaching him then I want to tell him I'm having his baby and to ask for his help. He only went so he could save our little girl, you know that... so please – please...just do it!" sweat poured over her pale skin, mixing with the tears she'd started to cry._

"_Alright." He told her, so that he could be seen to be giving in, "I'll do it if you right it."_

_She smiled then and that was enough for him, if she though Laguna was coming for her then she would be alright and he could give her peace in her final days, rather than have her face the truth of her husbands abandonment._

"_Thank you Jaylen, thank you." and she pulled out a white envelope from underneath her mattress and smiled as her cousin took it, she knew if her husband received the letter then he would send her help before he could return herself._

But he had never delivered it and the Estharians had gone home without so much as seeing Raine as she had been too sick to come down herself and he had done his best to keep everyone away from her.

Now though, doubt had started to creep into his mind – no matter how much he had tried to push it out and he knew it wouldn't be long until the rest of the villagers learned what he had done. His wife had already left him years ago because of his obsessive tendencies and he feared the wrath of the villagers that no doubt would follow soon after.

So he made up his mind to leave Winhill and start out somewhere else, he packed a bag and took all the money he had with him. He placed a note on the counter to his shop assistant saying that she's now the owner and eventually he returned to the faded envelope.

Without a word he threw it onto the roaring fire and let the final words of a wife to her husband burn away and remain unheard and unanswered and with them the chance for a better life.

* * *

"Did you throw him to a T-rex?" Rinoa asked, she was fast running out of ways Squall could have attempted to attack Seifer.

"Nope." He told her, smiling as she once again missed the obvious answer.

She went to suggest something else but stopped before she could speak when Laguna walked in to the pub with Ellone. Squall followed her line of sight and just nodded, briefly looking to her until she did the same. It was time to pay his respects before he left.

"You two both ready?" Laguna asked them and Rinoa looked a little surprised, she hadn't expected to be joining them.

"You want me to come with you? I though this was strictly a family thing." She said, baffled and at the same time honoured by the suggestion.

Squall looked at her and gave the smile he used only for her, "I want you to come with me Rin, you're the most important person in my life and I want to share this." His voice was quiet so that only she could hear him and so that no one else could laugh at his choice of words, she knew what he meant though, he could tell.

"Ok." She told him, suddenly feeling shy as she stood up and walked round the table, taking his offered hand and joining the rest as they went outside and up onto the hills of Winhill to remeber a wife and mother.

* * *

Well It's nearly the end of this story so I've probably only got another chapter or so to go. (I have already written the follow up though) so as always positive reviews and constructive critism are welcome. Thank you.


	13. connections

Disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy 8; it is the property of Squaresoft. However all original characters and storylines are mine. No money has or will exchange hands. Thanx

Hi, Thanx sooo much for the continuing support and reviews I've been getting for this story. This chapter's a little late because of writers block and a computer that decided I didn't have permission to save my own document. Anyway, that's enough from me, here's the chapter.

* * *

The journey back seemed quieter somehow, like the pain and emotional struggle from before was over now leaving a strange sort of peace in its place. Squall sat at the helm, choosing to manually steer the Ragnarok instead of leaving it to the autopilot; Laguna was in the seat next to him staring out onto the world as they flew by.

He felt content for the first time in twenty years, the guilt he had carried and the hurting that had accompanied it for so long were fading away and he could now look at the world with renewed faith. He couldn't explain it but everything his life had been lacking had in some way been given to him and now he felt like he had some thing to do with his life besides politics.

"Is it ok if we stop off at Balamb first? It's just that there is something I need to pick up." Squall asked, keeping his eyes focused on the steering. There had been something bothering him since Laguna's _conversation_ with Jaylen, he knew he had something that would help his father to gain an insight into his childhood.

"Sure, it's not as if Esthar'll miss me anyway. It's been kinda quiet lately, except for the Galbadian minister wanted to have urgent talks every ten minutes." The president told him slumming into the back of his chair and resting his foot against the side panel.

The commander shook his head and decided to go for one of his rare jokes, "Of course they'll miss you – there's no one else to hero worship when you're not there."

Laguna looked at him, slightly bemused. "Hey you're not supposed to make jokes! You're supposed to brood and complain a lot, well according to Seifer Almasy anyway." He said, the remark gaining a glare from his son.

"I knew it was a bad idea to send him and Quistis to that mission in Esthar – I should have listened to Rin." He grunted, starting to wonder if the blonde gunblader would ever learn how to behave.

But his father just laughed. "All I'll say is it's a good job you don't have any of those fraternal regulations at Garden."

Squall looked confused by this. "What?" he was beginning to have flash backs to a conversation he had with Quistis just before he'd set off to Edea's house a few days ago.

"Oh, you don't know?" and he laughed again. "Those two, they're not together all ready, which by the look on your face I'll take as a no... then they soon will be."

The commander blinked a few times and shook his head, he really didn't want to know what they were or could soon be getting up to.

"Ah, thanks for the warning. I think." He said, still trying to decide whether he should be shocked or not. When he'd assigned Seifer to Quistis in the first place he'd had an inkling that it could lead to something else, but he hadn't given much thought to it since then.

The sound of the elevator rising disturbed his thoughts and he heard light footsteps approach him.

"Squall you do know that we're heading towards Balamb right?" the raven-haired girl asked coming to stand behind her knight.

"Yeah, I have to pick something up before we head to Esthar and Trabia." He told her, looking up briefly to see her looking right back.

"It's ok, I've got to redo my class lists anyway. Xu just contacted us and said that Quistis, who was supposed to be covering my classes this afternoon, is in Deling with Seifer. She also said that the last of the orphanage restoration crews have been brought back to Garden via the ships..." she trailed off when she noticed both men were laughing and that Laguna was pointing a finger at his son.

"SEE! I TOLD YOU!" the president exclaimed before he fell into another fit of laughter.

It didn't take Rinoa long to figure it out and she hit squalls shoulder lightly.

"Don't be so cruel, Seifer's had a hard life too you know." She told them, but only managed to prompt questioning glares from both men. "What? My father told me that some sort of contaminated water killed his family, he also added that he might be using me to get at my father – at the time that is. And I'm babbling now so I'll stop."

Squall just laughed again and he leaned his head to the side, rubbing her hand that lay on his shoulder.

"It's ok Rin. I've just discovered my fathers hidden talent – don't ask." He added "We're nearly there so can you radio Xu and tell her we're coming into land for a short time before we take our visitors home and pick up the transferring SeeD's?"

She nodded "Sure." And she kissed the top of his head before heading towards the control panel hear the elevator, it was easier to use than the one down stairs and she could watch Squall while she was there. Plus Ellone had said she wanted to be alone downstairs so she didn't have to feel bad about leaving anyone out.

* * *

"It's good to be home isn't it." Zell commented as he and Laurie took the final steps up the main hallway of Balamb garden.

His wife smiled and sighed happily as she looked around. "Oh yeah, I mean trekking the hills is nice but this place... I don't know, it always seems so relaxing." She enthused.

"That'll be the fountains." He informed her, taking her hand as the continued to walk up the entrance leading to the elevators.

"Hey guys!" a voice called and they turned around to see Rinoa and Squall heading their way.

Rinoa was beaming and she ran up to Zell giving him a warm hug before turning to his wife and doing the same.

Squall on the other hand waved briefly before heading off, at more of a run that a walk, to his and Rinoa's apartment.

"He's got something to pick up." The sorceress informed, watching her knight leave and answering her friend's unspoken question at the same time. When she snapped out of the daze she'd fallen into she turned back to Zell and Laurie. "So, did you have a good anniversary?"

The pair looked at her as if deciding what they were going to say in response, Rinoa was starting to wonder what exactly had happened on those hills but didn't really think it was her place to ask so she just waited for their answer.

"Yeah we did." Zell told her finally, smiling at his wife as he spoke, she had the same placid look on her face as they made a silent decision that no one other than themselves would understand the significance of.

"How about you?" the librarian asked, remembering the tension she'd seen in Squall on the way home form the orphanage.

Rinoa sighed, "It was worth it because of what he got out of it. But I don't ever want him to have to go through anything like that again; I don't like seeing him revert back inside himself like he did when we were away. He deserves so much better." She told them honestly, not wanting to change the mood too much.

Her friends picked up on that and decided to change the subject to something a little more pleasant.

"so, are you back properly now?" Laurie asked only to see her friend shake her head, although she looked somewhat happy about it.

"No, we've got a couple of passengers to drop off and two SeeD's to pick up who are transferring back to Balamb from Trabia." She informed, not quite giving the game away about their returning friends just yet.

But Zell sent a glance her way that told her he knew what was going on and she winked to confirm it.

"So I guess you'll need someone to sort out living arrangements for them and I take it that they'll be living together?" he asked, confusing Laurie.

"Well they are at the moment, so yeah. I think the only requirement is that they're not next to Squall and Me." Rinoa told him and he laughed, finally giving Laurie enough clues as to the identity of their latest transfers.

"They're coming back? That'll be great! All of us together again!" she enthused recalling the year when all of them were at Balamb; it just hadn't seemed the same without them there. But then she remembered another little detail from their time there. "Ah, but can I ask that they're not next to us either? We're going to need to keep our apartment kinda quiet."

"Ok, well I'm not really in charge of it – you could do it if you want and that way everyone will be happy." The sorceress told them, not at all thinking the noise comment was at all strange or really connecting it with anything.

"Thanks."

"It's fine, means one less thing for Xu to do, seems she's been run off her feet since we all left. Which reminds me I've got to go change my class sub's list so I'll see you later." Rinoa added, staring to walk away from her friends.

"Your magic class?" Laurie asked and the sorceress turned to her.

"Yeah, why?"

"I'll sub it for you, it'll be fun to teach that class for an afternoon – plus Zell's going to be busy so if it'll help you?" the librarian explained, but Rinoa couldn't help but think she was taking advantage of her friend.

"Are you sure, you and Zell should still have some time off shouldn't you? And there are other people who can probably sub." But Laurie shook her head and walked up to her friend.

"I'd really like to sub the class, I'm thinking of going for a part time teaching position here as it'll give me something more to do than just sort out the library."

Rinoa chuckled and gave in. "Sure, why not. As long as you want to it's fine and I think you'd make a good teacher. The classes starts at one and finish at three, thanks Laurie." Then she turned to Zell. "And thanks for sorting out the living arrangements, I'll see you guys later." And she left, heading for the library where she'd told Squall to meet her when he was done.

* * *

It was late in the morning when Quistis finally drifted out of sleep and rolled in her covers to avoid the sunlight pouring in from the windows. She was surprised to see Seifer still fast asleep in the bed next to her and even more of a surprise when she noticed how peaceful he looked. He always seemed to be awake before she was; well at least he had been on their mission to Esthar a few weeks back and he'd always been up early to get her breakfast.

Which gave her an idea.

So slipping out of the covers and reaching for her dressing gown, she headed for the bathroom to get ready for a little surprise trip to the bakery down the road. It was Quistis's turn to surprise Seifer and to say a small thank you for everything he had done for her.

* * *

He couldn't quite out his finger on what had woken him up, he was sure it wasn't the sunlight as he was facing the wall and there defiantly hadn't been any sort of loud noise or movement. Which only left... coffee he could smell coffee and something sweet.

"Morning." And at the sound of her voice he opened his eyes to see her smiling at him with coffee in her hand and a selection of Danishes on his bedside table.

"You're awake?" he asked before realising how stupid his comment actually was.

"And I'm dressed too." Quistis told him edging closer to him on the bed.

"No kidding." Seifer remarked, "and you went out for breakfast." He rolled onto his back and reached his hand out to hers, Quistis took it and made her way further onto the bed.

"Yeah, it's sort of my way of saying thank you for everything that you've done for me recently. It means a lot that you would..." she couldn't think of a way to finish her sentence, but Seifer knew what she meant.

"That I care for you? Hell I'm just relived you didn't try to kill me when I walked into your room the other morning, or that you thought my attempt to show I can be a human being was flawed!" Quistis sent him a glare for that but just started laughing when he glared right back.

"Shall we eat then?" he asked, eying the coffee and the icing covered pastry closer to him, he'd always had a bit of a fetish for those and he wondered if she knew about that.

"No we have to sit here and watch it go cold." She retorted sarcastically.

"Fine well we'll just have to do this then." And he pulled her into his arms; placing his lips firmly on her before dropping back down onto the bed with her on top of him.

She responded and soon it didn't seem that either would be eating their breakfast anytime soon, both now free from the pain of their pasts they could finally be themselves with the only other person who really understood them.

* * *

When they'd landed Laguna and Ellone had gone ahead to the presidential palace whilst Squall and Rinoa made the final preparations with Trabia Garden where they would be arriving in a couple of hours.

There had also been the matter of being told about all the new upgrades that had been made on the Ragnarok that they hadn't hear before due to Laguna's rash actions. That in it's self had taken about half an hour, but once the technicians were satisfied that Squall and Rinoa knew how to work the systems they had left them to it.

"Rin, I'm going to head to the palace again, I have something to give to my father before we leave." Squall said, poking his head around the door.

Rinoa was sat at the control panel checking the new systems and how they all worked or could be fixed, she wanted to know everything about running the ship – it seemed she never knew when it could come in handy.

"I thought you might, will you tell him I said thank you for his hospitality and that I hope to see him again soon?" she hinted, although not so subtly as it turned out.

Squall understood what she meant though, he'd accepted that he couldn't just pretend it was all over now and go back to how it was. He wasn't about to separate himself from his father, he was the only 'related' family that he had and he needed the connection.

"He's already invited us back in a few weeks for Esthar cities annual festival and I said we'd go if you wanted to."

She eyed him carefully, "Is that what you were talking about on the way to Winhill yesterday?" the question however seemed to trigger a nervous response in Squall who tried his best to cover whatever had been said with a smile.

"Partly yeah, do you want to go?" he asked and she knew he was trying to change the subject.

Luckily for him Rinoa decided to let the 'other matter', whatever it was, rest for now so she answered his question.

"I would love to, now go before I start asking any more questions. Or your father starts to panic because you haven't been to see him yet." She noticed that his cheeks were going red and she smiled, for some reason she'd always thought he was at his sexiest when he was embarrassed.

* * *

Squall eventually found his father in the apartment he and Rinoa had stayed in, Kiros and Ward hadn't made it clear to him why exactly he had to meet him there. He was stood at the windows of the lounge, gazing out onto the oasis that existed within the palace gardens.

"Sis." Squall said finally, he'd tried to get his fathers attention several times, but unable to call him 'dad' he'd made reference to part of his past that Laguna had missed. "My first word was 'sis'." He further explained and his father turned to face him, a question written all over his face.

"How?" he mouthed, barely making a sound at all.

His son smiled. "It's all in here." And he held up a large faded book covered in drawings and photographs.

"What is it?" Laguna asked as he approached Squall.

"It's my memory book, I put it together with some help from Edea after Ellone left. She thought it would cheer me up." The younger man explained remembering the time he'd spent putting it together.

His matron had suggested it when she'd found him crying one afternoon shortly after his sister had left the orphanage. And so it became his way of remembering his sister and the happy times at the orphanage, it also severed as a distraction through out the years before he'd gone to Garden.

It had been his secret and none of the others had known about it, infact the only reason he'd rediscovered it was that when he and Rinoa moved in together she'd found it amongst his stored items.

His father was at a loss for words, he just stood there looking at the book and then to his son. It was such a contrast to the last thing he had been handed by the younger man; this one was filled with happy memories – the other with a painful secret.

"Here." Squall told him finally, handing him the book and choosing to sit on the sofa, Laguna followed him and was soon looking at the pages that detailed his sons childhood.

Through them he saw him grow up, playing and laughing with his friends and though it still hurt that he hadn't been allowed to raise his son, part of him felt settled about it. He knew that it was never too late - all he had to do was just catch up.

When it seemed that he had gotten to the last page, which as far as he could remember was the last picture taken before he went to garden, Squall finally asked the question he'd been wondering about since he'd been redirected around the place.

"Why here?" his voice was soft and quiet, as if somehow not wanting to disturb the peace of the room.

Laguna took a while to answer as he thought about what he was going to say, he was never very good with speeches and this one especially wasn't going to be easy.

"Because this was going to be our home." Squall looked at him but he continued before his son could ask a question. "Originally the plan was for me to spend some time in Esthar after the war had ended – just to make sure I was safe, I wasn't supposed to be president at first. But I knew I couldn't stay here without Raine and I asked the officials who said that she could accompany me for the few months I would have spent here." He sighed remembering the false hope he'd gained when he realised he could see her again.

"But when you returned she'd already died." The younger man finished, aware of the sensitive nature of the conversation.

"Yeah, you and your sister were gone too so I returned to Esthar – having been told I was the cause of Raines death – there was no where else for me to go. And so plans were made around me and I ended up staying here as president."

Squall looked around again and realised how homely the place felt, he knew now why the apartment was so far from the main political parts in the palace and for some reason he knew that his mother would have loved the place.

"Look, I know that it's not much and I'll understand if you don't want to accept it, but if you want you and Rinoa can have this place. I'm not trying to put pressure on you to come back or anything but I'm saying that if you do this apartment is yours." He said everything he was meaning to say in one go so that he couldn't back out, he was just so scared of loosing contact with his family again and –

"I'd love it." his words cut off his father's trail of thought and the president's eyes shot to his son. "I know Rinoa would love this place too and we'll need a place to stay for the festival in a few weeks."

Squall wasn't sure but it his father gave the appearance of someone about to cry, he was smiling so he guessed he wasn't upset and it struck him how much it must mean to the older man. He had after all found his family again, just like he had. He almost regretted the fact that he had to leave so soon – there was so much he wanted to know.

"I have to... we've got to pick up Selphie and Irvine now so I have to go, but I'll be back for that festival, Rin too." And Laguna smiled, remembering their conversation on the way to Winhill.

"Just tell her how you feel Squall, and good luck." He said watching the surprise on his son's face.

"How do you?" he asked, baffled that his father could tell what he was thinking.

"I've been there." Laguna said, sounding more wistful than sad, he was finally coming to terms with the loss and accepting what he did have. There would always be the memories of Raine to stay with him and for now that would be enough.

And not knowing what to say other than goodbye and knowing that that wasn't really good enough, Squall decided to be brave. He approached his father who was now stood again with the book in his hands.

"Do you want this back?" Laguna asked him, but he shook his head.

"No Dad you can keep the book, it should have been yours anyway." Squall told him, keeping his cool and smiling at the way his father's eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head.

"You here." And Laguna pulled his son into a hug, silently thanking him for being there and for caring, he also sent out a silent thank you to his wife, wherever she was, for leaving a piece of her self behind.

* * *

"Irvy, come on, come on they're here!" Selphie squealed jumping up and down at the entrance to Trabia Garden as the Ragnarok landed in front of her.

The cowboy made his way to her as fast as he could, he was after all pulling along two suitcases full of luggage with him. It was his fault for offering really so he didn't complain and he was soon next to the brunette as the main hatch opened to let them aboard.

Rinoa was waiting to greet them just inside, with her warm long coat on and what appeared to be a luggage trolley. She was also jumping up and down slightly, but more to do with the freezing temperatures than anything else.

"Rinny!" Selphie called, running up to and hugging her best friend. "You're here!" and she stepped back, jumping again and clapping her hands.

"Yep, we're here to take you home to Balamb...where's your leaving party?" she had expected there to be other people outside.

"They're inside." Irvine explained, panting and trying to catch his breath as he hauled the suitcases onto the trolley. "We told them to go in before they were frozen to death – we're in winter here in Trabia – which as you can imagine is pretty darn cold."

The sorceress just smiled, "Well the weathers lovely in Balamb so you'll warm up in no time." And she activated the hatch lock before guiding her friends inside. "We should be there in an hour or so, so just leave your things in the hold here and meet us up on the bridge. We've got your accommodation sorted – Zell's seen to that so there's nothing for you to worry about and Xu's seen to passes and everything else so you should be fine." It was obvious how happy she was to have her friends home again and she couldn't stop the smile on her face.

"How about you guys?" Irvine asked her and she looked at him surprised.

"What to do you mean?" she asked.

"Did you get everything sorted out?" she nodded.

"Yeah, everything's fine – certain things have changed for ever, but they're good changes to so yeah. You guys ok now?" Rinoa could remember the way that they had been before she and squall left Trabia the first time.

"Yeah, just had to come to terms with a few things." The cowboy told her honestly, selphie smiled at him before turning to her cousin.

"So... is there going to be a party when we get back?" she asked cheekily.

Rinoa laughed as they headed up to the bridge.

"Oh yeah." She told them, she couldn't wait to get back home and back to her life and her friends then there was also the matter of what Squall was hiding...

* * *

Only one more chapter to go now, and I'm going to miss writing this! But as always positive reviews and constructive criticism (thanks Stephen for telling me how to spell that) welcome.


	14. contented peace

Disclaimer: I do not own final fantasy 8; it is the property of Squaresoft. However all original characters and storylines are mine. No money has or will exchange hands. Thanx.

Well here it is, the last chapter of this story, I hope that everyone who's read it has enjoyed it as much as I have writing it, thank you so much for all your reviews – all of you! And thank you to my beta reader Ste-raw – not to mention those who've offered to beta read for me! Look out for the follow up set another few years in the future but more details at the end because I still haven't come up with a title for it.

* * *

"Woo Hoo home!!!" Selphie exclaimed, jumping several inches of the ground whilst the hatch was being opened. She'd been in the same mood since boarding the airship and it hadn't relented at all, no body seemed to mind though – or had simply learned to ignore it. Either way the journey had passed smoothly and now they were back home for good.

"I guess that'll leave me with the luggage again then." Irvine muttered, thinking that no one had heard him.

"Actually there should be a few people along to help with that in a minute." Squall told him, walking past and taking Rinoa by the hand.

She smiled at him, wondering what was going on inside his head, there was a look in his eyes that she'd been seeing a lot of recently but she couldn't quite gauge it's meaning. She considered that he'd had something planned for when her power results came back and that it'd been delayed by the events that unravelled directly afterwards... but she didn't have any real idea of what he was going to do.

"Come on guys!" the brunette called from the door and soon enough all four of them were heading out.

"So where is our new room?" Irvine asked as they walked past the fountain, Selphie was still running ahead of all of them so he'd left her to it.

Rinoa shrugged, now feeling slightly guilty for her earlier request – but them reminding herself of all the nights she'd cast a silence field around their room when they had been at Balamb so that everyone else had been able to sleep.

"Zell should tell us when we meet up with him in the lobby, that's when your luggage will be picked up, and it's more of an apartment than a room. There's a small kitchen and living area so you should have a lot more space." She explained, knowing that their living area at Trabia had been far smaller – it was still the smallest of the three Gardens, even after the restoration.

"Which reminds me, I should go and see Xu and catch up on what I've missed – I've also got to make some changes to my personal details and explain a couple of things to her." Rinoa nodded and noticed that he actually looked somewhat happy about it; he seemed to be taking to the idea slowly but surely.

"Ok, well we'll probably be in the canteen when you're done and no doubt discussing the welcome home party for our latest transfers." She told him leaning closer to him and whispering the last part.

He cringed slightly, it wasn't that he didn't like parties – he just always felt uncomfortable at them and felt as though everyone was expecting something form him. His position as Commander made this all the more difficult and he'd developed a severe distaste for political parties especially.

Just ahead of them they could see Zell and Laurie waiting for them and two of the general staff waiting to be sent to the Ragnarok to retrieve the luggage.

Squall looked to Rinoa and she nodded, "I'll see you in a bit." And he smiled at her, stopping for a few seconds before he headed off. It was for more than just business that he needed to speak to Xu, he had a favour to ask her, one that would make his little plan possible.

Selphie was already way ahead of the cowboy and the sorceress and had pulled both Zell and Laurie into a hug, starting conversation before the other tow joined them.

Irvine leaned over to Rinoa and whispered, "Thanks for letting us come on back here, Seffie's really missed all this."

She smiled and lowered her head, "How could I refuse family?" her voice was just loud enough so that no one else could hear her and he nodded his appreciation of the fact, tipping his hat as he did.

* * *

"So can you do it?" Squall asked, looking at one of his second in commands hopefully.

"Yeah, absolutely Commander." Xu replied, nodding her head and typing in Squalls new personal information into the database. He'd been worried at first that the information would be accessible to all of Garden, but Xu had explained that she could restrict the files of anyone that wanted it. There was also the fact that most of his information was restricted anyway – it all comes with the job, however Squall didn't seem to be aware of that.

"There's something else as well." His voice was lower and she figured that it was a private matter that he needed help with.

"Is there anything I can do?" Xu volunteered, it was her job after all.

"Yeah, there is actually. I need to know if there is anyone left at the orphanage." His head was still lower and although Xu couldn't figure out why, what she could do however was answer his question.

"No, there's no one left at all – Cid and Edea are staying with some friends in Galbadia Garden and they won't be going back _home_ for another couple of weeks." She paused and when he didn't say anything to her in response she added, "Can I ask why Commander, is there someone you need to talk to or something that you need?"

He looked up at her and smiled, still looking nervous though. "Both actually, but it's no one I need you to contact for me...I need a reason to go back to the orphanage because there's something I've been planning and I was wondering..." but he trailed off as his nerves got the better of him.

Xu suddenly understood what he needed though, even if she didn't know the exact details and she smiled at him in the knowing way that she seemed to have.

"Well I could always tell you that some of the cadets left some important paper work that needs retrieving." She suggested, knowing that there was no truth in it but that it would give him what he wanted.

Squall caught on quick and carried on with the façade. "And you need this done immediately so I'll have to go, me being the only one with an airship that could get there fast enough. Of course I'll need someone else to come with me in case anything should happen and who better than Rinoa, as she's the only one apart from myself who knows about the latest modifications."

His second in command nodded and winked at the Commander, "I'll take it that you'll need a couple more days off – which shouldn't be a problem seeing as you've got plenty of holiday time stored up."

He nodded at her. "Thanks Xu, I'll get right on it. Oh and after this I promise you can take a long holiday."

"Thank you Commander – and good luck." But by the time she said this he was halfway to the elevator and could only wave in response.

* * *

"Yeah, that'll be great." Rinoa enthused as her, Selphie, Zell and Laurie worked out the plans for the party.

Irvine was watching them, amazed at the wild idea's they were coming up with. He also couldn't help the sense of comfort that the scene brought him, like everything was back how it was meant to be – that they were truly home.

"What do you think Irvy, should we have a fancy dress theme?" the brunette asked him, moving to sit with her legs over his lap.

He considered the idea and smiled, he had the perfect person to go as.

"Well?" she asked him again and finally he gave her an answer.

"I think it's a great idea." He told her and then looked up to where Squall had just entered the canteen. He looked nervous, no more than nervous but Irvine didn't get a chance to ask why.

"Ah, sorry to break this up guys but there's something that me and Rinoa need to see to." The Commander informed them and Rinoa turned to him questioningly.

"What business?" she asked, leaning over the back of her chair and reaching for his hand, which he gave to her.

"Just something back at the orphanage, some important files were left there and Xu's asked us to pick them up." She could tell that he wasn't telling her the whole truth, but she let it go, she wanted to find out what was going on and this seemed like the only way.

"Alright, I take it that she want's us to go now?" and he nodded so she stood and looked to the rest of their friends.

"Ah guys I have a feeling that this might take a while, can you do me a favour and remind Xu to feed Angelo please?" Rinoa asked, only for Selphie to send her a strange look.

"Where is she by the way." And her friend smiled.

"She's been in Squall's office while we've been away and Xu's been looking after her, she's not as young as she once was so she doesn't travel the world as much."

And satisfied with the explanation the others waved them off from the canteen, Squall about as nervous as he'd ever been in his life and Rinoa wondering what was going on.

* * *

Looking out onto the street below the hotel window Quistis lost all knowledge of her surroundings, she wasn't even really looking – she was still lost in her memories of that morning she had spent with Seifer.

It felt so different from anything she had ever known and the peace that seemed to have settled within her brought her to a whole new level of understanding of how wonderful life could be.

She knew now that she loved him, really loved him and that it was more than just some crush or misplaced affection. In truth it had been building for a long time, ever since she'd been assigned to him by Squall. It had started out as nothing more than an annoying buzz that she'd felt when he was around her, but slowly and surely it had manifested into what she felt for him today.

"Hey." He whispered, coming up behind her and resting his chin on her shoulder.

"You ready?" she asked as her mind drifted back to conscious thoughts once again and she remembered that they were supposed to be leaving.

"Yeah." He told her quietly, pulling her close to him for the few minutes left before they had to go back to Balamb.

"You think that we can make this work?" Quistis asked him before she lost her nerve, she really didn't want to go back home and have things return to the way they were before. Instead she wanted to explore her and Seifers relationship, she wanted to know where they could go with it. After all there was no one who knew her better than he did.

"Do you want it to?" he asked her without really knowing why; it just seemed to pop into his head. It was like a momentary fear had gripped him, something uncommon for him. But he knew he wanted to carry on with their relationship.

She gripped his arms that lay around her and turned her head slightly, she was almost eye-to-eye with him.

"Yeah I do." And she sounded more certain about that than anything else she had done or said before.

He smiled and kissed her. "Then yeah, we can make this work, can't promise you breakfast every morning though and there's my temper to contend with... but apart from that..."

"Seifer." She said in her instructor tone.

"Quistis." He replied mockingly, claiming her lips again briefly. Then pulling back and standing up.

She glared at him and he just shrugged.

"Well we can't exactly be late now can we?" he teased, taking the luggage and heading out of the room with a laughing Quistis just behind him.

* * *

The waves lapped gently against the smooth rocks where she sat in the breezy night air with the sun blazing red across the sky, it was absolutely beautiful.

Rinoa was waiting for Squall to do whatever Xu had sent him to do, or at least pretend. He'd told her to wait where she was, watching the sunset on the smooth rocks by the beach just outside of the orphanage.

Squall approached her from behind and she felt his presence as he stood behind her for a moment before sitting down at her side and placing an arm around her back. Sighing she leaned against him and Rinoa rapped her shawl around her to protect from the cool night air.

They sat together in silence as they watched the sunset into the slowly lapping waves of the beach; she was just content to sit there with him for a while before they had to return to reality. It was almost hypnotic and it wasn't long before she was sinking into his embrace and almost lying in his lap, in response Squall pulled her back up slightly, wrapped his arms around her and pressed kisses into her hair.

"Rinoa?" he started, breaking the silence around them as the only other sound that could be heard was the gentle lapping of the waves against the sand.

"Umm." She mumbled against him, being reminded in that moment that she never wanted to leave his embrace.

"Do you ever think about the future?" he asked with some trepidation, he didn't look down at her, instead he looked out onto the blazing sky.

"Sometimes." Came the softly spoken reply from where she rested, with her head against his chest listening to his heartbeat.

"What do you think of?" he asked, he was now sure of his own intentions but he needed to know hers.

Rinoa looked up at him, hands fiddling with one of his belts as she considered the question carefully. "Why do you ask?"

He was silent for a few seconds before quietly saying, "Because I want to know how you see our future." And she could feel his heartbeat quicken, she was beginning to understand what he'd been hiding from her.

She smiled then, a beaming and warm smile, he may not say very much but when he did he knew exactly what to say. "Well then, I think of you and me."

"And?" at this she turned to look up at him, she didn't know if he knew what he was asking of her, did he want her to _voice the dreams of a simple happily ever after?_ She hadn't mentioned it to him in the past because he'd taken long enough to adjust to living with her and having a group of people to care about.

"Are you really sure that you want to know?" her question was serious, but so was the answering look in his eyes.

"Yes, I want to know what you see for us, I promise that I won't run if you mention a white picket fence." Something in his tone or maybe in the way he was studying her told her that answering his question was the best thing that she could do.

"Well then... I think of us, together, married even." Rinoa sat up before she continued, but stayed in his arms with her eyes on his. "I'm not saying that we move away from Garden, because all of our friends are there... just that we have a place somewhere else away from the work and..." she stopped and dropped her eyes from his, suddenly nervous.

"Go on." He prodded gently.

She didn't look up again; instead she sank further into his embrace and looked out onto the water. Taking a deep breath before she continued.

"I think about us having a family." Rinoa told him, her voice so soft he only just caught what she had said.

In the moments of silence that followed she couldn't move or speak at all, she was scared that she had just stepped over some invisible line. And that in doing so had pushed away the man that she loved. But Rinoa couldn't help thinking that he wouldn't have asked her without reason or without knowing – at least on some level what she would say to him.

"Me too." Squall said eventually and she turned in shock, more that he had said it than he actually wanted it. "You look surprised."

She half nodded, not able to look away from his face. "I just...I... why did you ask me?" she managed to say and watched as the look in his eyes went back to the one he'd carried for most of the day.

"Because I've wanted to for a long time I just... I didn't seem able to until now." Squall explained and she hugged him in response.

This was it, if he was ever going to say it then now was the time, he already knew her answer but he still had to _ask _her so to speak.

"Rin?" he asked and she looked up at him, waiting for him to continue.

"Yeah?" and she could see the question in his eyes before the words left his mouth.

"I... I want the same future that you do, all of it." Squall started.

"Squall." And he knew she was giving him her answer in the gentle way that she encouraged the rest of the question.

"I love you so much and I can't ever... I can't ever imagine being without you because all I do is remember what happened after time compression and it scares me so much that I could ever loose you."

He was pouring his heart out and every word spoke straight to hers, she couldn't describe how she felt but she was on the verge of tears, the emotions she was feeling were so overwhelming.

"I want to marry you Rinoa and spend my life with you." She gave him her answer when her arms flew around him once again and she held on, crying and refusing to let go.

She didn't say a word – it was as if all speech had been seized from her and replaced by a pure feeling of absolution. As if now everything was truly as it was meant to be and nothing in the world could ever take that away from her.

Squall, unable to really do much other than old her himself, knew that he had to ask her properly, that despite already knowing her answer, it was some sort of formality that couldn't go unsaid. Never in his life did he expect to be in this sort of situation, never did he think he could be this happy and it was all down to her.

She was the one who had opened his heart, had stood by him and had loved him so completely that he knew what it truly was to be alive again.

"Marry me?" He asked, smoothing his hands over her wet cheeks.

And she found her voice between the gentle flow of tears and the emotions inside her.

"Yes." Rinoa answered and she once again fell against him, watching him as he leaned in and placed his lips over her own, she knew then nothing else mattered. Anything they would have to face they could do together. She loved him with all her heart and would, for all eternity feel the same.

And the sun set on lovers bound willingly for all eternity.

* * *

"My god, how much do they pay you to be able to afford something like that?!" Laguna exclaimed, examining the ring on his future daughter in laws land.

"Enough." Squall told him, "And besides it's not exactly a large stone." And it wasn't, he knew that she wouldn't want anything flashy or too overstated.

"Yeah but these are so rare... I don't think I've ever seen another one like this – hell I didn't even think they existed!" his father told them, running his hand through hid hair and releasing Rinoa's hand.

"Well they do if you know the right people, turquantine sapphires can only be found in certain parts of the world – I just happened to be in those parts." And Rinoa smiled at her fiancé, he'd taken her to the small valley where he'd found it the morning after he'd proposed.

"So, what do you think of the festival?" Laguna was changing the subject for no to other reason than he was running out of things to say.

"It's great, I can't believe that you do this every year and we've never been before." Rinoa told him, knowing that they and been asked, just that squall had seen no point in going.

"Well you know you can come here whenever you want, these people have festivals every couple of months." The president informed and the sorceress narrowed her eyes.

"Yeah but wouldn't we just be imposing – I mean it's really nice of you to let us stay in the palace and everything but..." she stopped when Laguna sent his son a look.

"You didn't tell her?" Squall shook his head.

"We were kind of busy and I didn't get the chance to."

"Ah guys, what am I missing?" Rinoa asked and both men looked at her.

"Laguna has given us the apartment that we're staying in, it's ours anytime we want." Squall finally told her.

"But it's huge – there are three bed rooms, it's a two floor apartment, not to mention the view!" she protested, although not too much as she actually liked the idea of having a place that was just theirs.

"Yeah well think of it as your holiday home or something, it was going to be mine and Raines, as I've already explained to Squall. But I think you two should have it." The older man was beginning to look a little embarrassed and Rinoa smiled at him.

"Thank you, I don't really know what to say apart from that." Then she glanced at her watch and to Squall. "We should head off now – you said celebrations start early tomorrow so..."

"We'll be off now dad; you know to check out the apartment and everything."

Laguna laughed and waved them off, turning his attention to the rest of his son's frineds. Irvine and selphie were stood near the front of the carnaval parade dancing around, seifer and quistis were next to them. now that was a sight to see, one that he expected but.. he couldn't put his finger on it, they had almost completly changed in the few weeks they had aparently been together and according to all reports Garden seemed to benefit from their renewed interest in life.

That only left Zell and his wife, she didn't look so good and had spent the majority of the morning in the bathroom. if laguna was the sort of man to speculate he'd have said that the patter of tiny feet were around the corner for those two... but it was really none of his business.

for now he was just content to be with his own family and the new extentions that it would bring, he felt more at peace then he ever had done in his life and he knew now at least he had a future to look forward to.

* * *

"So... this is our apartment." Rinoa said, walking around the front room and pulling Squall gently by the had around the room.

"Yeah it is." He told her, "Sorry about not saying anything – I just thought that you already knew."

She chuckled and then pulled him closer, the look in her eyes changing into something she kept only for him.

"I love you." She whispered, stepping close to him and smiling as his arms in circled her.

"I love you too." He told her and she smiled again.

"Wanna christen the new apartment?" and she pushed herself up onto the balls of her feet, kissing him briefly and then lowering herself down again.

"Our new apartment. "He corrected and picked her up.

"Is that a yes?" and she laughed as he strode to the door with her in his arms before silencing her completely and sealing their newly defined relationship with everything that he had, no matter what had happened in his past or the mistakes of their parents, for now at least everything was perfect and they would strive learn from the lessons of the past.

* * *

well that's it, i hope you all enjoyed it. i'm kinda sad to see it end. anyway, the follow up is called 'silent hope' so please look out for it in the next few weeks. thank's again to everyone who's read this! the support has been wonderful! as always positive reveiws and constructive critism welcome. thanx


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